I should have faked it....

The e-husband is in the hospital again. Nothing drastic, just the usual stuff. It's funny how a 5 day hospital stay is normal to us.

Anyway. he called me tonight to tell me that a nurse who was a student 7 months ago came in today because she recognized his name on the patient board. She's an RN now and she came in and visited with him. Said she could tell that he had put on some weight (that's a good thing) and that she and her boyfriend had broken up. Asked if he was divorced yet.

She is in her late 20's, and she said, "Well you're only 36- that's not much older than me."

She's HOOKIN UP!!!! She's gettin all Grey's Anatomy on him.













So as he's telling me this, I'm giggling and teasing him to talk to her more. Get her number, her email address, whatever. I'm encouraging him. He admitted he was a bit flustered by her. It's been a while since a woman has noticed him like that. He joked with me about it- something about a sponge bath.

I admit that he does look a lot better, and I always thought he was a good looking guy when he is healthy. He is dangerously charming when he wants to be. It's an italian thing, I guess. I was giggling cause I can just see him attempting to be smooth despite the unfortunate surroundings- it made me smile at the fact that someone saw him as a man.

Later though, I wondered if I should not have been so excited about it. I did explain to him that it would not hurt to work on his game a bit. A little flirting doesn't hurt anyone- even through he claims that he has no intention of dating anyone. There's nothing wrong with some ego strokes- but something tells me that I was doing damage by encouraging him to 'take the hit.' He seemed a bit hurt (and maybe a little suspicious) that I was so amused and supportive of it.

Doesn't a good e-wife encourage her e-husband to go out and meet other women?? I mean, I'm just supporting the cause.

that aint it kid!! - HNT

I've always loved music and movies. I love musicals. When I was growing up I used to listen to the soundtrack to a Chorus Line. I never did see it on stage, but I did see the movie with Michael Douglas and I admit I was somewhat disappointed by it. But I knew all the words to the songs. Guess which one was my favorite?? If you know the words sing along with me!!!

It's the simple things

A few lifetimes ago I had a live in boyfriend. We dated for several years. Good guy. Every day when I would leave the house, he would say to me:

Have a good day.
(You too.)
Be safe.
(I will.)
No stupid stuff.
(I know.)

This was an every day occurrence. We lived up in the hills and we drove thru this windy road through the hills to get to where we lived and people would always put signs up saying "Happy Anniversary" or "Congratulations!" So one year for my birthday he hung signs for me on the path down the hill. 5 of them. Hello. Have a good day. Drive Safe. No stupid stuff. and Happy Birthday.

I also remember that I was so angry at him because he was home late the night before and he told me he was having dinner with 'a friend'- who I don't remember, but I know I didn't like her. But in the morning I saw the signs and I was giddy from his efforts. I'm sure I thanked him well.

I am thinking of this because I emailed him today. He is riding his motorcycle on a 250 mile ride today so I wanted to wish him well. In the mid email I caught myself writing....

"Have fun today. Be safe." That is when I remembered the sign, and I laughed and added, "No stupid stuff."

just because it made me smile. I am sure he'll get the reference.

julie is forced to give it up

I love googlisms. They just make me laugh.

julie is a bitch
julie is a serious and conscientious employee; however...
julie is the redhead next door
julie is a super hot redhead featured at busty beauties
julie is embroiled in a fight against city hall regarding leaf blowers
julie is at high risk of schizophrenia
julie is comfortable in most settings
julie is eager to read books that will tell her about life outside her culture
julie is no more
julie is irate at the pregnancy
julie is forced to give it up

Well, I've been called worse. The worst thing I was called at work was "unfriendly and uncooperative". That is such total bullshit (Dardis) that I laughed outloud and rejected it, cause everyone knows that my GOAL in life is to ensure that people like me- and to DO that- I have to be friendly and cooperative.

I meant it when I asked if his hands were broken... I was just baffled at the fact that someone would actually cross a room, and walk by a copy machine to ask me to make one copy for them. I was concerned that perhaps he was suffering from something debilitating that made it impossible for him to set down a piece of paper and hit one oversized button. I made the damn copy. If I had laughed in his face, and told him to "kiss my ass you twatty little bitch," THAT would be unfriendly and uncooperative.

Some people just don't know how to take a joke.

Ok, so if any of you decide to send me a "Julie, Do You Love me?" picture. I will, I really will. Golfwidow sent me one, seconds before I totally pissed her off- but I have been forgiven- even though this wretched song plays in her head everytime she reads my blog....

Some of you have said you'd like to send a picture- so lets see 'em. Make me love you. Come on, I'm easy. Just ask anyone!!!

HNT- really....

So I'm getting brave here. Get over it. I'm hot.
Happy Half Nekkid Thursday. Do you think my hair is getting too long???

Looking for a man who can drill

I saw the dentist today. It wasn't the worst afternoon of my life. I think as I am getting older, my childhood fears are just falling to the way side. Maybe it's because I work in a hospital, or maybe it's because I'm more afraid of being sick. For as much as I hate needles, I hate the thought of having some disease that I don't know about. A flu shot or a blood test or whatever I need to keep me from dropping dead from the bird flu is fine by me. The dentist, whatever, sit in the chair take some shots, take the drill, take the pliers, whatever. Just get me out pain, and leave me able to still eat SOMETHING, even if it's NOT tortilla chips. No it's not comfortable, but neither is the excruciating pain that I'm in otherwise.

I am a believer in preventative maintenance, even though in many ways it's too late for me. You should not neglect your gums, and I am living proof of that.

I need to have a few teeth removed, because they are dead and there is bone loss in my gums. He wants to install bone in my mouth. There's a dirty joke in there somewhere, have at it. But he will remove two molars, and install bone so I can have an implant later which consists of putting in an artificial tooth root and then screwing in the fake tooth. It's all going to be very expensive, but there is a three to six month healing time in between. The covered services are inexpensive, so the uncovered services (like the implants or the bone) will balance out. We have big plans for my mouth. I'm just setting you up... yuk it up pals!!!

He also said that the infection in my gums is probably the reason for the dizzy spells I've been having and that it's very easy for microorganisms in your mouth to go straight to your heart via the blood vessel under your tongue, or bleeding gums. (See endocarditis.) Ok, that is scary stuff. I don't floss enough, so I can get a heart infection and die!!

Fantastic.

Death by gums? Wouldn't it just figure?

The benefits of a pill poppin husband

* I use the term 'pill poppin' loosely and for comedic value.

So of all my bad traits, I would have to say that I hate my teeth the most. I should have gotten braces when I was younger. I should have flossed when I was a kid. I should have gotten annual check ups. Preventative maintenance is the key to everything. I have said before that not taking better care of my teeth is my biggest regret in life. The list is long and impressive, but I think that is the main thing. I will be in partials by age 45 if not sooner.

So while I have HMO dental insurance, my budget does not always allow for root canal, bridge and crown. You can imagine. I know I'm not the only one who has this problem. So I find myself having tooth pain more often than menstrual cramps. Very cold or very hot foods can be torture, as well as tough meat... and well, you can imagine. It's very limiting. The last few days it's been worse for some reason. I'm not sure why.

So today while I was cleaning the pit of hell. My bedroom. I came across the one good thing about having a husband who suffers from debilitating health problems that cause him a lot of pain and discomfort. Vicodin, baby. When he was living here, I had access to pain meds when I needed them, but I hardly ever asked to dip into his much needed supply. I have a pretty low tolerance for medications, so Tylenol or ibuprofen, (sometimes both if it's really bad) will usually make better whatever it is that hurts. Occasionally though, tooth pain or a migraine headache would send me asking him for some of the magic beans.

One night I remember like a train wreck, I was woken from a dead sleep by someone drilling a hole into my teeth. I woke him, and DEMANDED that he get me something. RIGHT. NOW. He returned with a pill and some warm water. Instructed me to take it and drink the whole glass of water. Percocet- 500 milligrams bitch! I was all better and back to sleep in about 10 minutes. ahhhhh, now that's love.

Anyway, I came across this stray pill, tucked nicely into a pocket in one of his pants that was left behind. To think I almost threw them in the laundry without checking his pockets for change!! After researching the manufacturer’s number that is etched on the pill, I identified this as 750 mg of my favorite prescription drug.

I know from experience that a whole pill would make me sick, but half- has made me feel, AAAAA-oooooookayyyyyyyyy.

AND, I have the other half for another day. Like found money, baby.

Oma taught you what???

My mother (aka Oma) has taught Danny, three year old beastie, his last name. It's cute to hear him say it. He refers to himself in the third person now, like he's Napoleon, or an old boyfriend I had. It's cute in a three year old way.

Except.

She taught him the wrong last name. I mean, it's not like she taught him my maiden name, or my first married name. "ier" in italian is kinda like 'yair', but in good old English, it's just 'air'. not "ee-air" She was at my wedding, she's my mother!!! Shouldn't she know my last name. And she taught it to my kid, and forgot to put the "i" or "eee" on the end. So "Fa-rare-ee" is now "Fair-ee-air." I get that it's complicated when you see it on paper. But if you are my mother, you oughta know!!!

--

Last week Gabe called me into the bathroom and I assumed it was for AWA. (Ass Wiping Assistance). He is learning to do it himself, but occasionally, AWA is called for. So I went in to the bathroom and he was standing in front of the toilet. He was very proud and told me that he can stand up, he doesn't need to sit on the potty anymore.

I was glad for that, it makes it faster than for him to completely drop trou because he doesn't just pull them down and hop on the toilet. He takes them off. So this would be a time saver, and also helpful in less than desirable public restrooms.

"Oma taught me."

"You mean Opa?" I corrected him.

"No, Oma taught me. Not Opa. Oma."

ummmm...... ok. I guess it never occurred to me that he could be taught that without the equipment. I guess that is why she's Oma, and I'm just mom. Apparently I just don't think of these things. I think it's in the "Ways to prove to your kids that you will always be smarter than them - handbook for grandparents." I will concede to her "better than me"-ness on that one.

Who's the cunt? oh, that would be ME.

Ok, so here is my official apology for a stupid statement I made that I meant to be funny. The podcast that I know and love had a guest speaker who I think is pretty funny on his blog. He and I had a moment when I attempted to add him as a friend on myspace and got the reply, "Who are you and why do you want to be my friend."

Yikes, myspace bitchslapping.

But I did explain who I was and he gladly added me just as the hand print started to fade.

Anyway, the podcast appeared to be filled with some computer gliches that I thought were funny but I sensed the regular hosts frustration with it. I sent her an email in which I made a comment in which I was playing along, or so I thought.

I think it kind of went over like "You haven't had that baby yet?" when I was still a month away from delivery, swollen, uncomfortable and gassy. Yeah, fuck you too.

Now for all my bitchiness, I am rarely directly bitchy to people who are not my husband, past or present. Ex and e-husband have come to expect that I will be a bitch to them, but I've paid my dues and I own the right. But to others, I never want to come across that way, not even by accident. I am a total people pleaser, anyone who knows me, know that. I want to stab myself in the eye for even the thought that I insulted someone who's writing both touches me and makes me laugh out loud sometimes in the same sentence.

So to Golfwidow, and Andy who apparently is going to be very pissed at me, very soon, and Josh. I am truly sorry. I did not mean to anger, insult, or come across like a judgmental cunt, because really- who the hell am I anyway??

Hospital vs. Homeless

This is a topic that comes up a lot at work. What to do with a homeless patient who is medically cleared for discharge? There have been a lot of stories in the news lately about patient dumping. A few months ago, a hospital was accused of pumping a patient by Skid Row I think, who could not walk. No walker, no wheel chair, he was practically crawling to the sidewalk. These things are deplorable.

A few days ago, this story hit the news of another case of alleged patient dumping in Los Angeles County. The details of this case are muddy. Did the patient leave AMA? Did he have a bed available at the LA Mission? It's hard to tell. Besides, they don't 'reserve beds there'. It's a first come first serve situation. I suppose the best that can be done is to feed them, clothe them, pay for a taxi and drop them off at the mission or wherever they want to go.

The media is really good at demonizing the hospitals and making them look like this big money hungry facilities who don't really care about people. The media rarely looks at the real problem though.

What should be done about the homeless when it's time for them to leave the hospital?

It's bad enough that many homeless patients are getting free care in the hospital system. Non profit and for profit hospitals are legally or ethically required to offer some free care. A little less than 10% I think. But at what point is enough, enough? We had a patient in our hospital who stayed almost 4 months!! He was homeless, and a cash patient. Cash meaning, no insurance, did not qualify for medicaid after he was medically clear. Psych did not want to discharge this patient because he was mentally altered, had been homeless for 20 years, of course he was somewhat altered. Physicians don't want to be liable for discharging a patient back to the streets, for fear of the news and the possible litigation.

But a hospital is not a hotel. It is not the job of a hospital to supply three square meals, and a warm bed for people who are not sick, but simply do not have anywhere else to go. Patients like this increase our patient population, taking up beds that could go to truly sick patients. It takes nurses to care for these patients within there ratios. It costs money that could be spent elsewhere. I'm not saying that these patients should be thrown to the streets with no help, no support- of course not. But is it fair that the hospitals have to care for these people for months and months and months on end? This affects everyone. This means that beds are taken up for patients who are no longer really sick, and perhaps people have to wait longer in the Emergency Room for a bed on the medical floor. This means increased costs to care for everyone else. Is it fair to people who struggle to pair thier 200 copayment and 20% of care and stay for three days while this guy is a resident for free??

I'm not heartless. This is a major dilemma that faces our society. What can be done about the homeless in this situation? There's no answer. Hopspital administration doesn't know what to do. Discharge planners and Case Managers are pulling their hair out. I suppose this is why the politicians are not chiming in, they probably don't know what to do either.

For now the media seems pleased to blame everything on hospital administration instead of focusing on the real issues. No doubt it's a sad situation, but the world is full of them.

Do ya, Do ya, want my love???

Happy HNT!!! When all else fails, go for the boobs!!

So I have sent a few fan pics to Andy, cause he gets so much joy out of them. So I'm asking for pics from YOU!! yes you. If you read this, then I'm talkin to you!!! You can be half nekkid, half asleep or even half baked!! You can photoshop, just like I did here- or even be clever and write it across your chest in lipstick, or paint, or pepperoni. (did someone say sausage?)

Just send me a picture with "Julie, Do ya love me?" somewhere in it- and I'll post it on my blog!!! I'll pimp you out if you have a blog and say really nice things about you. I'm that kinda awesome. If I get lots of really cool pictures, maybe I will turn a contest out of it. hmmmmm. I did a dirty book review lately, maybe I can send a copy of that. I'll review that book later this month too.

Here's to you Mrs. Robinson- ROWR...

So when you are talking to someone online, when is it ok to give your phone number??

Because my life is just me, my kids and my internet access I tend to meet men online. The picture I have here for 25peeps is the same one I use for myspace, so you know- I appear kinda hot in my panties and all. But anyway, the emails go back and forth, on and on. And I occasionally get asked for my phone number.

When someone asks me for my number, what the hell am I supposed to expect by way of receiving a phone call. If I learned anything from the movie Swingers, it's that there is a rule that guys aren't supposed to call for like 5 days. I assume the rules are the same. I'll hold off on that one for now. He's sssssmokin hot though. Inappropriately young. Yummy to the core. But, if he is closer to my sons age than he is to mine, is that too young??

Now be good to mama, tell me what I want to hear!!

According to CougarPlanet, I am 3 in cougar years. Cougar age is your actual age minus 32.5. THIRTY TWO AND A HALF???

So now I just need to find myself a wounded zebra.

To the cool guy on Myspace

This is an email I got this evening.

" ur cute we should hook up sometime..."

Seriously, cool guy?? That's your best line?? I mean, on email, you've got time to think about what you're going to say. You can craft it a bit. You can work on things like sentence structure, maybe capitalization.

It's all very basic.

"ur" does not mean "You are." It means "Too lazy to think like the adult you claim to be." You're not paying by the letter.

I am known to engage in conversations with people who email me. I'm a nice friendly girl. Myspace is a big place and there are a lot of creepy people out there. While I have no desire to meet my future ex-husband via myspace, you never want to close your options. However, a girl has to have some sort of pre-screen. That's mine. You increase your chances of actually receiving a reply if you know how to put together a sentence.

I'm not even going to get started with 'hook up' as the second half of the only almost sentence you wrote. I have said too much already.

You don't want no drama

God damn this is awesome!!!

Nemunems??

The Easter bunny showed up here and brought baskets for the Beasties. She was a smart little fuzzball this year and filled some eggs with M&M's and hid them around the house. She thought WISELY to put G's and D's on the eggs, so that Gabe would not find and keep ALL of them. She filled Easter Baskets with brightly ribbon tied baggies of colored goldfish, cheez-its, popcorn, and fruit snacks. Oh, and some marshmellow peeps. We love the peeps. She also brought them a present, a new movie.

Gabe asked me later, "Did the Easter Bunny bring YOU a basket of snack?"

Mama-"No baby- the Easter Bunny only brought a basket of snacks for you and Danny."
Gabriel-"Well, then who gives you snacks, mama?"
Mama-"Well, sometimes Daddy brings snacks for mama. Maybe another day."
Gabriel-"Well mama, you can have some of my goldfish. But not my nem-u-nem's ok?"

It's all about giving.

Happy Easter.

Objects in the rear view mirror

Karma is a big cunt. I am having one of those weeks in which every mistake and bad decision I've EVER made is coming screaming back at me. I can count my errors in judgment every time I turn around and I think I'd feel better to just close my eyes.

I try not to regret the past too much. Just accept that it is what it is and learn from it. But there are other days that the mistakes are too hard to ignore. I'm thinking back on a relationship that I think I had negative feelings about for a long time. Even though he and I have long since made our peace, I think what I did was stop being mad about it and forgave him for "treating me bad." But looking back now, it seems different. My issues were:

He didn't want to marry me.
He didn't want kids.
He had a bad temper.
I felt he treated me like a child.
I felt that I was last in line.
I didn't think he respected me.
While I treated him badly in the beginning, we stayed together for YEARS after that and while my 'sins' were forgiven, that came with a hefty price.

That is how I saw it.

But in reality:

I was 22 years old when we finally broke up, and I was not ready to be a wife.
I was clearly not mature enough to have a child.
While I was a decent girlfriend, I was a horrible roommate. I never did take well to domesticity.
I was irresponsible.
I had no direction and very few goals.
He was driven, and ambitious and responsible and I just wanted to screw around and have fun.








It's funny how the view changes as you get older. I can't say that I blame him for leaving, and really had I gone back when he did come to me and tell me he did want to marry me and have kids with me- it would have ended badly. I see that.

I resented him for wanting me to learn the lessons that I eventually learned the hard way. I can see that now. It's clear as day.

Why is the past so fucking crystal clear, but the future is so blurred???

I wear crazy like a scarf on a cold day

wrapped tight around my neck...

What mental disorder do you have? Your Result: GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) You can never seem to calm down and always feel anxious for unknown reasons. You tend to not be able to concentrate and have headaches or other anxiety symptoms.
OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)
Paranoia
Manic Depressive
ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder)
What mental disorder do you have?

No kidding!!! This much I knew. I've been on meds for GAD for almost a year now. It helps, but I hate it. I'm not sure exactly when this started, I guess probably about 7 years ago when the e-husband was drinking. I dealt with it with St. John Wort, Evenings Primrose Oil, Midol. Later it was Xanax, as needed. In early 2006, the Xanax was necessary all day every day and that worried me. I know how addictive Xanax can be, and I also know how GOOD it is. So I saw the doctor and she put me on Lexapro. It does ok. Some days it happens regardless.

The gripping in my chest. The tighness in my skin. I feel restless, like I need to get up, walk, strech my muscles. I feel like ripping out my hair and tearing at my skin but I'm not sure why that helps. It just does. It's hard for me to communicate with people because all I can think about is running out of the room. On days like that I tend to keep to myself. I put on my ipod and my headset and I just focus on the task at hand. My heart races and my skin crawls, but my brain tends to pick up on everything and I'm on the good side of brilliant. It's a delicate balance. When I am in the right zone, I prefer to the edginess, it's just not so great for people around me.

This test said I also have OCD tendencies. Whatever with that. I thought that counting the stairs when you walk up them is normal? Doesn't everyone do that??? And you know, sometimes- it IS weird when everyone is sitting on the left side of the room, and then the person you are having lunch with picks a table in the dead center of the room. Everything is weighted strangely. You should sit on the right side. At the wall. Facing the left side of the room, with my purse on the side that is opposite the counter.

What??

HNT- I know how to use them!!!

I love Thursdays. For two reasons, because a) it's almost Friday and b) cause I get to get Half Nekkid, and nobody can stop me.

If you want to know what it's about, go check the guidelines and visit Os every week and see who else is playing. Here's a funny story, one of my coworkers "borrowed" her sons camera to take some half nekkid pictures and participate for her first HNT, and the camera battery ran out- so she has to hide the camera so her son can not find naughty pictures of his MOM, and ransack his room for the charger before he comes home from school so she could get the pictures off his camera. She still can't find it!! ahk!!!

Get
Half
Nekkid!!!

Practice makes me perfect

Yesterday in the doctors office, the nurse did a test for strep throat. She told me that she had to poke this big Q tip into the back of my throat to get a culture. twice. She said that I would probably gag, cause most people gag. Cause "you know- if someone is ramming the back of your throat with something, your gonna gag. So that's normal."

mm hmm

I didn't gag. The second time she did it, I thought that maybe I should PRETEND to gag, but you know, I barely felt it. What can I tell ya? Apparently I am used to having things rammed in the back of my throat.

Hello, Hello. I'm at a place called....

I have a doctor's appointment today. I've had an intermittent headache since about Friday and yesterday I was feeling dizzy on and off. I looked in the mirror, raised my arms, smiled and sang a song. No weakness, facial droop or slurred speech so I knew I was not having a stroke, but I was still feeling disoriented, and not in the good, "tequila shooter" kind of way. But in the "I need to sit down before I fall over" kind of way.

Suspecting I was hungry, I ate two more sandwiches with the fucking small bread but still felt dizzy. This morning I called the doctors office at 8:45- explained my problem. She did not have anything open until the 15th, but she'd take a message and call back. 30 minutes later she called back and said they scheduled me an appointment at 1. Viola! It's that easy.

I have no idea why the simple act of MAKING an appointment is so complicated for the e-husband or other people who refuse to see their doctor. Things like dizzy and headache can be big problems. In my case, I suspect it's some sort of inner ear infection. I've had a sore throat and my kids have been sick and I guess if I can get past the pounding headache, and the spinning room, I suspect there is pain in my ears as well.

I'll be on the Southbound 405 this afternoon, look for the weaving minivan.

• POST APPOINTMENT UPDATE

Well my ears are fine, my chest is clear, I don't have strep (even though my throat is sore), my glands are not swollen, and my sinuses don't seem to be too sore. So what is my problem?

Dr. C looked thru my chart, glancing back at my history of crazy pills, anxiety attacks, oh and the time I cried in her office when she asked "so what's been going on?"

So she asked the question, "So how are things going, Julie? School, work, kids? How are things with your husband?"

(I can't believe she writes all that crap down!!!)

No, I did not start crying again but after I vaguely told her that e-husband had moved out, so it's just me and the kids, work is getting crazy (she knew, she sees patients at my hospital and sees the 'stroke stuff' all over the place), and I just finished midterms. It's possible that I have something viral, some inner ear virus but it could just be the chronic stress that I seem to have. Goddamn. Stress is not a diagnosis, I established this last year. Stress is for pussies.

I'm going with 'virus.' Get some rest, drink some fluids. You got it doc!

Is There a Doctor in My house???

I was NOT going to watch the Bachelor. I wasn't. I stopped watching after Season 1, and I watched the first season of the Bachelorette (and the wedding too). I love my reality TV- I DID watch Joe Millionaire. I used to love Real World. Surreal Life. Breaking Bonaduce. Even My Fair Brady. But I was not going to watch the Bachelor this season. I don't have time. And it's just crazy. The women are vicious and it's just not easy for me to watch people make fools of themselves. I hate watching the rose ceremonies and getting to know these people when they disappear so quickly.
But then.... I watched the intro for this seasons Bachelor, Lt. Andy Baldwin.









Humanitarian of the Year. 6 time Ironman triathalon finisher. Oh, and did I mention he's a surgeon for the Navy?









Well hello, beautiful.
I just freed up my Monday nights.

The sacrifices I make for a pretty face.

What's so natural about a disaster??

It's 2AM and I can't sleep. This is what happens when you sleep away most of the weekend, come Sunday night when you actually NEED sleep, you are up at 2AM, tossing around counting how many hours of sleep you will get if you could drift off 'now'.

I'm thinking about my friend Andy who had the roof ripped off of his apartment complex, and he made the comment about trying not to be freaked out by the fact that your whole life is torn apart in all of five seconds. I see evidence of that every week. People who live otherwise healthy lives are struck down by some strange clusterfuck in their body. There are those who have all the risk factors, but occasionally there are some who just are unlucky and it just happens. Sometimes it's hard to wrap my head around disasters and causes that are deemed natural. You would think if it was so natural, people would not be so fuckin shocked by it??

now, I'm tired....

My thoughts are with you and your family Andy, hope you find your kitty.

MS Walk and my ex husband

The MS Walk was today in North Carolina, where my son (age 12) walked and ran the whole 5 miles!! His dad only did 2 miles!!!

My ex husband was diagnosed about a year ago with MS. It was a devastating shock to everyone, including me. I think he took it more in stride than I did and I spent a lot of time agonizing over it for him, and for Alex. He started treatment and it was pretty successful in resolving a good portion of the deficits for now. We are hoping that continued treatment he will live a long and healthy life.

He and I were a wrong match from the start and went from intense highs to nasty lows where we didn't speak for over a year save from notes left in Alex's backpack. While I don't know that I'd go so far as to say we are 'buddies' now- I have to admit that he's been a good father, and in times of need, we continue to be there for each other. His girlfriend April is a fantastic girl who I hope he will marry, although I don't know that I'd advise HER to marry HIM!!! (*wicked) She loves and cares for my kid as if he was her own and I could not have asked for a better person to be there while I'm not.

So anyway, the walk was today- and I'm late in doing this, but if you got a minute and a few extra bucks- make a donation. Alex walked 5 miles for his dad today. That's worth a few bucks isn't it??

National Multiple Sclerosis Society

Something I hate

small bread...

I hate small fucking bread. I buy it for the boys sandwiches, because they don't like, or appreciate expensive bread- and half the time the refuse to eat it. So I buy the cheap .99 bread and spread peanut butter (occasionally jelly if they want it) on it and they are fine. I don't usually eat sandwhiches. So it's hardly a big deal to me, and I have handle pb&j on small bread.
But today the kids were napping and I decided that I wanted a chicken salad sandwhich. I have those cans of chicken that make good chicken salad. Some mayo, even some red onion for some zip... and then I got... the small bread.

I made two sandwiches, but I toasted the second slices 15 seconds too goddamn long. So I had one small sandwhich that was tasty, but small, and then another sandwhich on two big crackers!!! What the fuck?? Bread should not be so thin that it turns to saltines if you leave it in the toaster for BARELY longer than you should. The bread was not even browned very well so it's not as if I burned it. Ugh. I was pissed. It ruined my sandwich. This is why I prefer cereal. This is why the e-husband made my sandwiches. He didn't used to fuck them up. He knew better than to hand me a sandwich on crispy bread. I don't know how to satisfy my own high maintenance food choices!! I'm screwed.

I will probably not eat anymore of the small bread, which is another reason why I will continue to buy the cheap small bread. It's not worth the extra $1.50 on good bread for the two slices of the loaf that I eat. I'll just bitch about it instead.

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I took the Beasties to the park today. I knew that if I didn't get dressed and get out of the house I would sleep all day. Vegging all day is what we do on Saturdays, on Sunday I try to be more productive. Clean the house, or leave the house. Today I opted to leave the house. So we went to the park, and I even brought my laptop and did some homework!!! I also listened to most of the new podcast. Those crazy bitches.

The beasties were cute though, running around the big open area, laughing and chasing each other. Gabe would run up to Danny, give him the shoulder and knock him down. Ahhh, boys.