Hey check out my friends commercial. No tricks, he's an actual plate spinner.
YAH ANDY!!!!
click it.
About Me
- Julie
- Using my 40's as a do-over for my thirties, only smarter. I often mistake the bees and honey reference with the one about free milk and a cow. This might explain my whole life.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Honor. Courage. Commitment.
If the Army and the Navy Ever gaze on Heaven's scenes,At the completion of the ceremony the music played, from Anchors Away and cut into the Marine hymn. I did not even bother to fight back the tears, because they were of joy and pride and even now I write this I am still choked up by it all.
They will find the streets are guarded By United States Marines.
My brother retired after 22 years in the Marine Corp. Master Sgt. Rom receiving an American Flag.
Fuck yeah.
Waiting at attention.
In formation, I love this. Rick was saying that during the first retirement ceremony he did, he was standing in the back of the formation, just hoping not to fall over. They stood like this the entire ceremony.
Gratuitous pic of the really hot Marine who was right in front of me. C'mon Rick- hook a sistah up!!!
Master Sgt. Rom, giving his farewell speech. It was a touching and emotional speech in which he ended by saying that he will remember the hundreds of American and Iraqi soldiers (that he trained) who have died in this war.
You have made us all so proud.
Congratulations Rick.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
HNT- 62 days and counting.
I ordered my cap and gown today. My graduation announcements and a frame for my diploma. I also got a sash to wear at graduation, and I'm thinking that the day after graduation I may just take my HNT picture wearing the sash. anything else?- well you'll have to wait and see.
It cost just shy of $300 on the above mentioned items but I still think it's totally worth it. For all the other bullshit I may be going through, I am looking at this time, this year as the best time of my life. Nothing but opportunities.
Since I am feeling great these days- losing some weight, living, loving, learning and life is as good as it's ever going to be, I thought I'd flaunt a little bit of skin to go with it.
Check out the brains on me, huh??
It cost just shy of $300 on the above mentioned items but I still think it's totally worth it. For all the other bullshit I may be going through, I am looking at this time, this year as the best time of my life. Nothing but opportunities.
Since I am feeling great these days- losing some weight, living, loving, learning and life is as good as it's ever going to be, I thought I'd flaunt a little bit of skin to go with it.
Check out the brains on me, huh??
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
don't it make my brown eyes...
yes. of COURSE they are fake. What do you think??
Kind of a trip, right?
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Ruminations after the funeral
I went to my brother in laws funeral yesterday. The e-husband was too sick to go and I am still seething at him over that. I can't even talk about it. It was a lovely ceremony, save for the fact that there was no mention of my sister in law. Let me make this disclaimer, they were not technically married. They were living together long enough that it was considered common law, they had joint everything, domestic partnership status for insurance purposes. Just no actually ceremony where you kiss the bride. They were together for about 11 years, at least, had two kids and had struggled through a lot together.
"He was survived by his mother, his siblings, and his children." I wanted to scream. This is not what he would have wanted. He would have wanted her mentioned first. He loved her, adored her. The tension between his family and her is apparently serious and out of my realm of understanding, but for them to just go against what I'm sure his wishes were... oh it just kills me. I heard that his mother actually pushed my sister in law away when she tried to hug her at the graveside. I sat next to my mother in law and she sat between her parents. Holding one hand. Never thinking that she would be there in that place. Her true love, in a casket in the front of the room. It was heart breaking and made sure to hug her as tight as she hugged me, and told her how sorry I was. How much I know he loved her. How much I love her.
During the ceremony I did my best not to break down. It was a spectacular California day and Rose Hills is truly a spectacular place to be laid to rest. I looked out the window during the particularly heart wrenching parts and watched their daughter, my niece playing outside in her pretty blue sun dress. After the service, I made a quick exit after going out side to hug her tight. I have a very hard time with graveside services and I don't go when I don't have to. It takes me back to my step dad's funeral, at the same cemetary, and a time that I can remember feeling the worst I've ever felt- watching them put him in the ground. So I hugged my family and made my exit. Leaving gate 17 and driving directly to gate 1. Up the hill, to the left, and up the hill until I reached Fir Lawn where my dad's are buried
Every time I drive up there, I see that dark rainy day. The tent. No matter that it was 78 degrees and blinding outside this day, I still remember THAT day. I sat down between the sites and talked to my dads. I told them, probably for the third or fourth time... about Alex, and Gabriel, and Daniel. How much my dad would have liked Alex, he is kinda goofy sometimes, like dad was. How my step dad would go crazy over Gabe and Danny. Danny's mischievous ways and how smart and polite Gabriel is. He would have loved them to death, he would have made them laugh.
I sat quiet for a long time, trying to explain about my husband. They would have both like him early on, and hate how things have turned out for me. Both of them having had ailing health in the last few years of their lives, I know they would not have wanted me to choose a man, and a life much like the one my mom had with them. Funny how that happens. I sat and cried for a while, apologizing for my lack of.... life.
Me and my daddy issues.
In my brother in laws ceremony, the officiator talked about a bible passage in James 4:14.
"He was survived by his mother, his siblings, and his children." I wanted to scream. This is not what he would have wanted. He would have wanted her mentioned first. He loved her, adored her. The tension between his family and her is apparently serious and out of my realm of understanding, but for them to just go against what I'm sure his wishes were... oh it just kills me. I heard that his mother actually pushed my sister in law away when she tried to hug her at the graveside. I sat next to my mother in law and she sat between her parents. Holding one hand. Never thinking that she would be there in that place. Her true love, in a casket in the front of the room. It was heart breaking and made sure to hug her as tight as she hugged me, and told her how sorry I was. How much I know he loved her. How much I love her.
During the ceremony I did my best not to break down. It was a spectacular California day and Rose Hills is truly a spectacular place to be laid to rest. I looked out the window during the particularly heart wrenching parts and watched their daughter, my niece playing outside in her pretty blue sun dress. After the service, I made a quick exit after going out side to hug her tight. I have a very hard time with graveside services and I don't go when I don't have to. It takes me back to my step dad's funeral, at the same cemetary, and a time that I can remember feeling the worst I've ever felt- watching them put him in the ground. So I hugged my family and made my exit. Leaving gate 17 and driving directly to gate 1. Up the hill, to the left, and up the hill until I reached Fir Lawn where my dad's are buried
Every time I drive up there, I see that dark rainy day. The tent. No matter that it was 78 degrees and blinding outside this day, I still remember THAT day. I sat down between the sites and talked to my dads. I told them, probably for the third or fourth time... about Alex, and Gabriel, and Daniel. How much my dad would have liked Alex, he is kinda goofy sometimes, like dad was. How my step dad would go crazy over Gabe and Danny. Danny's mischievous ways and how smart and polite Gabriel is. He would have loved them to death, he would have made them laugh.
I sat quiet for a long time, trying to explain about my husband. They would have both like him early on, and hate how things have turned out for me. Both of them having had ailing health in the last few years of their lives, I know they would not have wanted me to choose a man, and a life much like the one my mom had with them. Funny how that happens. I sat and cried for a while, apologizing for my lack of.... life.
Me and my daddy issues.
In my brother in laws ceremony, the officiator talked about a bible passage in James 4:14.
Yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.It settled into my heart and I can still feel it there like a weight. I don't get religious often, but I do find some things in the bible so terribly moving that they rock my core. This did. A mist. Just a brief flash, enough for some people to feel as it passes by them, and then gone. My life should be more than this, and as I was sitting at my fathers' graves, I could not deny that it simply was not.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Stop and Stare
I've got my heart set
on anywhere but here
I'm staring down myself, counting up the years
Steady hands just take the wheel
Every glance is killing me
Time to make one last appeal for the life I lead
-Onerepublic
Not half nekkid, but still exposed.
Hey look- maybe I've found a reason to ride the subway in New York afterall.
married to a douche
The youngest Beastie has a doctors appointment today at 9.
I have taken a lot of time off lately and have very little vacation time.
This friday I have my Brother in Law's funeral
Next friday I have my brothers retirement from the Marines. (more on that next week)
I cannot take time off to take Daniel to the doctors again. So the e-husband was told that he would need to do it. He didn't volunteer, he was volun-told.
Fuck me.
apparently.
This morning he is not getting out of bed. He just isn't. I know what you may be thinking, make him- right? Yeah- try that. I'll wait here. Also I could do that but then I will be unleashing douchebag wrath all over my sweet child who is already going to be upset having to go to the doctors in the first place and having his ears lavaged. So I called my mother, who was more than happy to help me out.
Sometimes it's better to just NOT rely on him, ever.
What a douchebag.... right?
I have taken a lot of time off lately and have very little vacation time.
This friday I have my Brother in Law's funeral
Next friday I have my brothers retirement from the Marines. (more on that next week)
I cannot take time off to take Daniel to the doctors again. So the e-husband was told that he would need to do it. He didn't volunteer, he was volun-told.
Fuck me.
apparently.
This morning he is not getting out of bed. He just isn't. I know what you may be thinking, make him- right? Yeah- try that. I'll wait here. Also I could do that but then I will be unleashing douchebag wrath all over my sweet child who is already going to be upset having to go to the doctors in the first place and having his ears lavaged. So I called my mother, who was more than happy to help me out.
Sometimes it's better to just NOT rely on him, ever.
What a douchebag.... right?
less than 100 days
Yeah yeah- graduation....
And then.....
(seriously click this picture to look at it large.)
Fuck. Yeah!!!
And then.....
(seriously click this picture to look at it large.)
Fuck. Yeah!!!
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Rockin the hair
I have a love and hate relationship with my hair. I love my hair, but I realize that it's a bit outdated. Unfortunately, my hair doesn't DO much more than what you see here.
Wet hair, add mousse. That much mousse is for one side. I repeat with the other side.
I go through a can of mouse every week. Luckily the mousse that works the absolute best on my hair costs under $2 a bottle.
Shake it out and toss.
This is how it looks when it's first done. As the day goes by and it dries it gets bigger than this, more body, fuller. Once it extends past my shoulders, it's pulled back in a pony tail. Every day I leave the house with good intentions to wear my hair down all day, but rarely does it STAY down.
It's the thing that defines me. You know Julie, with the long black curly hair???
Yeah, I know her- she fuckin rocks.
Wet hair, add mousse. That much mousse is for one side. I repeat with the other side.
I go through a can of mouse every week. Luckily the mousse that works the absolute best on my hair costs under $2 a bottle.
Shake it out and toss.
This is how it looks when it's first done. As the day goes by and it dries it gets bigger than this, more body, fuller. Once it extends past my shoulders, it's pulled back in a pony tail. Every day I leave the house with good intentions to wear my hair down all day, but rarely does it STAY down.
It's the thing that defines me. You know Julie, with the long black curly hair???
Yeah, I know her- she fuckin rocks.
At least its not on my face....
I know you like my hair- but you know, ASK ME first douchebag.
read this
Another reason I don't like to fly.
read this
Another reason I don't like to fly.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
My mangled heart
"I don't want the world, I only want what I deserve."
I think the reason I don't always enjoy going out is because it is just a constant reminder that this is NOT my life. That things like good times and fun and adventure are not something that are included in my list of 'important shit to do right now." It's just a glimpse of someone elses life, and I am overwraught with jealousy and come home to resentment.
Last night before I went out, the e-husband was so overmedicated he could not even muster enough strength to cough. He was practically choking on his cough. It was disgusting and I wondered if I put a pillow over his face if he would have the strength to fight me. Sometimes I just hate him. Sometimes I hate my life, and I hate myself for letting this happen to me.
I did manage to wake him, and when I felt he was alert enough I went out dancing and had a nice time. I think I said that already. When I came home I was just seething at him and this morning I just could not take it anymore. We had this conversation, this is the jist of my end of it- the end that matters.
You need to be more present in this marriage. You HAVE to make more efforts to get better. You HAVE to stop being so overmedicated. I have agreed to stay in this marriage, but if is going to stand a chance, you need to make an effort because I am so OVER this. You can no longer expect me to stay content in this marriage with no intimacy, no communication and no sex. I am lonely. I don't HAVE to be lonely. I feel like I am settling, and I don't HAVE to settle. You have to step it up, or we are going to have to come to the agreement that we are just good friends. I want more than this, and I'm on the verge of going out and getting it. You have to step it up, or I'm out.
It is your responsibility as my husband to care for your physical and emotional health. It's part of the promise you made. I understand that you are sick but I agreed to stay your wife, I did not sign on to be your cellmate.
The rest of the day was spend with the elephant in the room. It's out there. I don't even know why I said it. Nothing is going to change. I want it to change, but it's not going to. The crushes and the boys that float in and out of my periph are nice and they do give me some of the emotional strokes I want, but they are not really any more present than he is (or isn't). They cannot be relied on, and they are not real.
I don't know that I believe that there is another true love out there for me. I just don't know that I buy it. I was in love here, and this is what happened. I just don't know if I'm willing to get struck by lightning again. Even with that, I deserve to enjoy the benefits of being in a committed relationship. I don't need a housekeeper with ownership to my pussy. I don't need someone to pawn all over me 24/7, bringing me flowers every day and rattling the headboard every night. I don't want to dread going home to my husband. Home is not supposed to be the place where joys gets killed. I should not ever contemplate smothering my husband, just because I don't think he will fight back.
I just want to a partner who is present. A husband (or even a fucking boyfriend) with whom I'm sharing a part of my life with. Someone who is not threatened by my successes. Someone who really wants to be a part of what I've got going on. Someone who supports my emotional well being, and doesn't thrive off of my insecurities because he knows that they are keeping me here.
I want someone I don't have to survive.
I think the reason I don't always enjoy going out is because it is just a constant reminder that this is NOT my life. That things like good times and fun and adventure are not something that are included in my list of 'important shit to do right now." It's just a glimpse of someone elses life, and I am overwraught with jealousy and come home to resentment.
Last night before I went out, the e-husband was so overmedicated he could not even muster enough strength to cough. He was practically choking on his cough. It was disgusting and I wondered if I put a pillow over his face if he would have the strength to fight me. Sometimes I just hate him. Sometimes I hate my life, and I hate myself for letting this happen to me.
I did manage to wake him, and when I felt he was alert enough I went out dancing and had a nice time. I think I said that already. When I came home I was just seething at him and this morning I just could not take it anymore. We had this conversation, this is the jist of my end of it- the end that matters.
You need to be more present in this marriage. You HAVE to make more efforts to get better. You HAVE to stop being so overmedicated. I have agreed to stay in this marriage, but if is going to stand a chance, you need to make an effort because I am so OVER this. You can no longer expect me to stay content in this marriage with no intimacy, no communication and no sex. I am lonely. I don't HAVE to be lonely. I feel like I am settling, and I don't HAVE to settle. You have to step it up, or we are going to have to come to the agreement that we are just good friends. I want more than this, and I'm on the verge of going out and getting it. You have to step it up, or I'm out.
It is your responsibility as my husband to care for your physical and emotional health. It's part of the promise you made. I understand that you are sick but I agreed to stay your wife, I did not sign on to be your cellmate.
The rest of the day was spend with the elephant in the room. It's out there. I don't even know why I said it. Nothing is going to change. I want it to change, but it's not going to. The crushes and the boys that float in and out of my periph are nice and they do give me some of the emotional strokes I want, but they are not really any more present than he is (or isn't). They cannot be relied on, and they are not real.
I don't know that I believe that there is another true love out there for me. I just don't know that I buy it. I was in love here, and this is what happened. I just don't know if I'm willing to get struck by lightning again. Even with that, I deserve to enjoy the benefits of being in a committed relationship. I don't need a housekeeper with ownership to my pussy. I don't need someone to pawn all over me 24/7, bringing me flowers every day and rattling the headboard every night. I don't want to dread going home to my husband. Home is not supposed to be the place where joys gets killed. I should not ever contemplate smothering my husband, just because I don't think he will fight back.
I just want to a partner who is present. A husband (or even a fucking boyfriend) with whom I'm sharing a part of my life with. Someone who is not threatened by my successes. Someone who really wants to be a part of what I've got going on. Someone who supports my emotional well being, and doesn't thrive off of my insecurities because he knows that they are keeping me here.
I want someone I don't have to survive.
Are you that somebody?
I got turned on to this band and this song.... The Gossip. This is a really cool cover of the song from Aaliyah.
Enjoy it.
Also here's my jeans. Nice eh??
Even the picture does not do me justice, but really- what does??
Lastly- I feel like I can't just remove my brother in laws phone number from my cell. The funeral is next week. Maybe I'll just leave it there until then. sigh...
Enjoy it.
Also here's my jeans. Nice eh??
Even the picture does not do me justice, but really- what does??
Lastly- I feel like I can't just remove my brother in laws phone number from my cell. The funeral is next week. Maybe I'll just leave it there until then. sigh...
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Maybe it's the jeans, or maybe I just need to get laid
I went shopping with my sis today. We grabbed handfuls of clothes and tried them all on. I found a new shirt and a new pair of jeans.
I have not bought new jeans in a long time. The don't wear the ones I have because they are tapered legs. I had no idea they were tapered legs because I was only concerned with the fact that they fit my ass. Apparently they not only fit my ass, but made it look bigger. lovely. So I stopped wearing them, and have bought any since, except for a pair of old navy jeans that were too big for my husband. I know, it's sad. I'm wearing HIS fat jeans, what fucking ever.
So sis grabbed them and tossed them my way. I rolled my eyes, but complied. I can play along. My sis has this teeny body with curves where they are supposed to be. I try not to openly seethe at her for this- but you know- she has better genes than me, apparently.
So after trying on the shirts that were more of a disaster in pattern than in fit, I reached for the jeans and stuffed my ass into them. I've heard that finding a pair of good jeans is a sexually satisfying experience, especially for us bigger girls who have size issues. (Short and fat is a bad combo for jeans) I always assumed that this was an urban legend, like the guy who gets his kidney stolen and wakes up in a bathtub full of ice. Perhaps it's because I've never FOUND a good pair of jeans before.
Well, that's what happened when I slipped into these jeans. They are a bit snug, but for the stretch they are really comfortable. I got a flutter in my downtown region. They curve where they should. They totally rock my ass. Heavy breathing. They cover what needs covering and don't give me wide hips, a muffin top, or camel toe. White hot explosion.
SCORE!!!!
I have not bought new jeans in a long time. The don't wear the ones I have because they are tapered legs. I had no idea they were tapered legs because I was only concerned with the fact that they fit my ass. Apparently they not only fit my ass, but made it look bigger. lovely. So I stopped wearing them, and have bought any since, except for a pair of old navy jeans that were too big for my husband. I know, it's sad. I'm wearing HIS fat jeans, what fucking ever.
So sis grabbed them and tossed them my way. I rolled my eyes, but complied. I can play along. My sis has this teeny body with curves where they are supposed to be. I try not to openly seethe at her for this- but you know- she has better genes than me, apparently.
So after trying on the shirts that were more of a disaster in pattern than in fit, I reached for the jeans and stuffed my ass into them. I've heard that finding a pair of good jeans is a sexually satisfying experience, especially for us bigger girls who have size issues. (Short and fat is a bad combo for jeans) I always assumed that this was an urban legend, like the guy who gets his kidney stolen and wakes up in a bathtub full of ice. Perhaps it's because I've never FOUND a good pair of jeans before.
Well, that's what happened when I slipped into these jeans. They are a bit snug, but for the stretch they are really comfortable. I got a flutter in my downtown region. They curve where they should. They totally rock my ass. Heavy breathing. They cover what needs covering and don't give me wide hips, a muffin top, or camel toe. White hot explosion.
SCORE!!!!
Saturday update
Since I have been wearing my frames for about 8 years now, I got new ones.
I decided to go for the rectangular frames since that is the new style. I think they are kinda kicky and hip.
It doesn't matter how much thinner my face is, I can't seem to get rid of that extra chin. It's all I see when I look at this picture. Isn't that funny that when I look at a picture that is otherwise nice, all I see is the fat chin. The rest of my face is getting thinner, what gives?? Maybe I need this.
So I have lost just under 10 pounds. 9.8- whatever. I am mildly happy with 10 pounds, but it's been 8 weeks, and I'd like to lose more than a pound a week. At this rate, by the time I get to NY I will have only lost another 12 pounds. And yea, 22 pounds in that many weeks is not bad. It's a healthy way to lose weight, but if I get to choose, I'd prefer to lose maybe TWO pounds a week.
So what am I going to do to do that???
A friend recommended these places to see in NY.
Top of the Rock.
The Strand Bookstore
Babeland
Strawberry Fields
I think I may spend a day in Central Park. I had no idea there was so much to see there. I also found this really cool article on riding the subway (thanks PunkGuy), but I admit that I am still not really wanting to do that.
On another awesome note. While my mother is refusing to throw me a graduation party. My boss is going to. She said she wanted to offer, but can't do it alone cause she's not a planner like that (that is what she has ME for). So she's going to throw me a nice big party at the clubhouse where she lives and I can invite my family and friends. I will help her set it up, but I really wanted to cry when she offered. I am very fortunate to work for someone like her. Somedays she really makes me fucking crazy, but it my more humble moments, I admit that she is one of the most strong and amazing and smart women I know.
How many more days??? Counter says 74. Fuck yeah.
I decided to go for the rectangular frames since that is the new style. I think they are kinda kicky and hip.
It doesn't matter how much thinner my face is, I can't seem to get rid of that extra chin. It's all I see when I look at this picture. Isn't that funny that when I look at a picture that is otherwise nice, all I see is the fat chin. The rest of my face is getting thinner, what gives?? Maybe I need this.
So I have lost just under 10 pounds. 9.8- whatever. I am mildly happy with 10 pounds, but it's been 8 weeks, and I'd like to lose more than a pound a week. At this rate, by the time I get to NY I will have only lost another 12 pounds. And yea, 22 pounds in that many weeks is not bad. It's a healthy way to lose weight, but if I get to choose, I'd prefer to lose maybe TWO pounds a week.
So what am I going to do to do that???
- drink more water.
- choose better foods. Yes I can have 8 points in a hamburger patty and cheese- or I can have 8 points in a chicken breast and a vegetables and a glass of milk.
- think even harder about starting an exercise routine.
A friend recommended these places to see in NY.
Top of the Rock.
The Strand Bookstore
Babeland
Strawberry Fields
I think I may spend a day in Central Park. I had no idea there was so much to see there. I also found this really cool article on riding the subway (thanks PunkGuy), but I admit that I am still not really wanting to do that.
On another awesome note. While my mother is refusing to throw me a graduation party. My boss is going to. She said she wanted to offer, but can't do it alone cause she's not a planner like that (that is what she has ME for). So she's going to throw me a nice big party at the clubhouse where she lives and I can invite my family and friends. I will help her set it up, but I really wanted to cry when she offered. I am very fortunate to work for someone like her. Somedays she really makes me fucking crazy, but it my more humble moments, I admit that she is one of the most strong and amazing and smart women I know.
How many more days??? Counter says 74. Fuck yeah.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Do you have the time??
Last week was Daylight Savings. I don't know if it ended, or began- but I know that I woke up on Sunday morning and the clock on the cable box, cell phone and PC were different than the ones on the wall and I thought I was going insane.
"If you have one clock, you know the time. If you have more than one you're never really sure."
Yeah. Like that.
So after some research, which was calling Cheryl and asking her,"Is it fucking daylight savings or am I insane?" I realized that yes, the clocks went forward. Seemed too early for that- but whatever. I'm not about to fight the system on it.
Even though for half the year it stays light until 7:30 PM and it's been that way my entire life, I am never used to it. I never expect it. It is always weird to me, even though it should be as normal as it getting dark at 6. Of course I tend to be resistant to certain things that happen all the fucking time, like being called "Mrs."
I usually wake up in the morning around 6. That is what time my alarm goes off. But all week, I have been waking up at 5. (the old 6). So I've gained nothing. I'm actually losing sleep, right? I'm all confused. Is 5AM what used to be 6AM, or is that 7? Exactly what happened to the extra hour of sleep I allowed myself when I changed my work schedule to take the kids to school in the morning??
Maybe I am just insane.
Either way. it's early, I'm up.
"If you have one clock, you know the time. If you have more than one you're never really sure."
Yeah. Like that.
So after some research, which was calling Cheryl and asking her,"Is it fucking daylight savings or am I insane?" I realized that yes, the clocks went forward. Seemed too early for that- but whatever. I'm not about to fight the system on it.
Even though for half the year it stays light until 7:30 PM and it's been that way my entire life, I am never used to it. I never expect it. It is always weird to me, even though it should be as normal as it getting dark at 6. Of course I tend to be resistant to certain things that happen all the fucking time, like being called "Mrs."
I usually wake up in the morning around 6. That is what time my alarm goes off. But all week, I have been waking up at 5. (the old 6). So I've gained nothing. I'm actually losing sleep, right? I'm all confused. Is 5AM what used to be 6AM, or is that 7? Exactly what happened to the extra hour of sleep I allowed myself when I changed my work schedule to take the kids to school in the morning??
Maybe I am just insane.
Either way. it's early, I'm up.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
HNT
I could not put the HNT post in the same post where I talk about my brother in law passing away, so I decided to do two. So scroll past my picture and read the post ok??
I took this the other day at work. Was feeling good. I think I lost a few more pounds. I have a waist again it seems. Hello old friend.
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I took this the other day at work. Was feeling good. I think I lost a few more pounds. I have a waist again it seems. Hello old friend.
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catching up.
I haven't updated in a week. I know.... but if I told you that nothing was going on, would you believe me??
yeah, me either.
So Graduation is however many days left that is says on the counter up there. Add 22 days and guess where I'm going??
NEW YORK BITCHES!!!!!
I have decided that to celebrate ME, I'm taking a trip to New York City to commemorate the occasion. I have a small list of places to see and a LONG list of places to drink!! Woo hoo!!!!!
I have serious senior-itis. I just need to be done with this semester and move on to Grad School. My 4 classes this semester are keeping me really busy, but my mind is always wandering off to other things.
Oh yeah, and the e-husband was back in the hospital again and is back home again. whatever.....
On a sad note, my brother in law died a few nights ago. (husbands side) He was in a car accident in his work truck (Peterbilt) about three weeks ago. The truck went off the freeway and smashed into concrete below. My 9 year old nephew was lucky to get out with just a scratch- but my brother in law was not so lucky, So after a three week battle, he went into organ failure and passed away on Monday night.
He was a rough guy. He lived a rough life, but was doing his best to make things good for his kids. He and I were not exactly friends this past year but in a different time, he was very helpful to me. When e-husband was out and using drugs, he took care of me. He called me every day, checked on me- gave me advice and support and helped me through some very hard nights when I did not feel strong enough. I will always be grateful to him for that, even if he turned against me a bit when e-husband and I separated. No matter that there are some questions regarding the accident. It's family, and it's very sad for my sister in law, for their two children, for his adult children and for his parents and siblings. Nobody is perfect, and he never claimed to be. But I know he had a decent heart and he will be missed.
yeah, me either.
So Graduation is however many days left that is says on the counter up there. Add 22 days and guess where I'm going??
NEW YORK BITCHES!!!!!
I have decided that to celebrate ME, I'm taking a trip to New York City to commemorate the occasion. I have a small list of places to see and a LONG list of places to drink!! Woo hoo!!!!!
I have serious senior-itis. I just need to be done with this semester and move on to Grad School. My 4 classes this semester are keeping me really busy, but my mind is always wandering off to other things.
Oh yeah, and the e-husband was back in the hospital again and is back home again. whatever.....
On a sad note, my brother in law died a few nights ago. (husbands side) He was in a car accident in his work truck (Peterbilt) about three weeks ago. The truck went off the freeway and smashed into concrete below. My 9 year old nephew was lucky to get out with just a scratch- but my brother in law was not so lucky, So after a three week battle, he went into organ failure and passed away on Monday night.
He was a rough guy. He lived a rough life, but was doing his best to make things good for his kids. He and I were not exactly friends this past year but in a different time, he was very helpful to me. When e-husband was out and using drugs, he took care of me. He called me every day, checked on me- gave me advice and support and helped me through some very hard nights when I did not feel strong enough. I will always be grateful to him for that, even if he turned against me a bit when e-husband and I separated. No matter that there are some questions regarding the accident. It's family, and it's very sad for my sister in law, for their two children, for his adult children and for his parents and siblings. Nobody is perfect, and he never claimed to be. But I know he had a decent heart and he will be missed.
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
No theme- HNT
I did not do the MAC theme but this is just me, chillin.
No makeup, no drama, no pretenses. This is just me. Take it or leave it.
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
TMI Tuesday
1. Under what conditions would you kiss a stranger?
I'd do it on a dare, if they were cute! Or you know, in my family we do lots of kissing, so when we meet people for the first time (in a family event setting) we hug and do the kiss one side, kiss the other side a lot.
2. Who was the last person you sent a text message to? If you’ve never sent someone a text message, is there some reason
Cheryl, I was commenting on the picture of the cute cowboy she sent me!
3. When was the last time you deliberately surprised someone?
I assume that grown ups hate surprises as much as I do so for adults the effort is usually not worth the outcome,
4. How often do walk somewhere (hopefully, other than the mailbox)?
Not often enough. I really don't walk anywhere if I don't have to (other than the mailbox) and I have the fat ass to prove it!!
5. What were the longest and shortest durations of your romantic relationships?
Longs is the one I'm in now, 10 years, or something like that. The shortest romantic relationship was probably two of three days. Two of three days of hot, dirty, sweaty...um "romance".
Bonus (as in optional):What is missing from your life
Strangely, romance.
I'd do it on a dare, if they were cute! Or you know, in my family we do lots of kissing, so when we meet people for the first time (in a family event setting) we hug and do the kiss one side, kiss the other side a lot.
2. Who was the last person you sent a text message to? If you’ve never sent someone a text message, is there some reason
Cheryl, I was commenting on the picture of the cute cowboy she sent me!
3. When was the last time you deliberately surprised someone?
I assume that grown ups hate surprises as much as I do so for adults the effort is usually not worth the outcome,
4. How often do walk somewhere (hopefully, other than the mailbox)?
Not often enough. I really don't walk anywhere if I don't have to (other than the mailbox) and I have the fat ass to prove it!!
5. What were the longest and shortest durations of your romantic relationships?
Longs is the one I'm in now, 10 years, or something like that. The shortest romantic relationship was probably two of three days. Two of three days of hot, dirty, sweaty...um "romance".
Bonus (as in optional):What is missing from your life
Strangely, romance.
Monday, March 03, 2008
Free Rice- it will make you smarter!
I am sick this week. My head is congested and I'm dizzy and I'm tired. So tired, but I can't sleep because when I lay down I can't breathe. So I stayed home did some homework and watched TV.
Drew Barrymore donated one million dollars to the World Food Programme and I was moved by her story. I went to the website and it found a link to this site called Free Rice. It's a game, and for every word you get get correct, the advertisers will donate 20 grains of rice. I played for about 10 minutes and donated 1600 grains of rice. I have read that a cup of rice is about 7200 grains, so I guess in 10 minutes I donated 1/4 cup. I also learned that my vocabulary is not as bad as I thought, I just don't USE the big words that are in my head.... for example: enamor means captivate, and billow means surge. I got those right, and I didn't even know that I knew it!! So see I'm learning too. You can save your options and keep track of how many grains you donate. Lets all donate a cup of rice!!
Click it and play!!
Drew Barrymore donated one million dollars to the World Food Programme and I was moved by her story. I went to the website and it found a link to this site called Free Rice. It's a game, and for every word you get get correct, the advertisers will donate 20 grains of rice. I played for about 10 minutes and donated 1600 grains of rice. I have read that a cup of rice is about 7200 grains, so I guess in 10 minutes I donated 1/4 cup. I also learned that my vocabulary is not as bad as I thought, I just don't USE the big words that are in my head.... for example: enamor means captivate, and billow means surge. I got those right, and I didn't even know that I knew it!! So see I'm learning too. You can save your options and keep track of how many grains you donate. Lets all donate a cup of rice!!
Click it and play!!
Sunday, March 02, 2008
The aquarium
We went to the Long Beach aquarium yesterday. It would cost $65 for two adults and two kids, so I bought an annual membership so we can go again and I put all 4 kids on it. Viola! Something to DO on the weekends. Somewhere to GO when there is nothing to do.
Things I learned at the aquarium:
1) Grown ups dig fish. They dig fish so much that they also want to stand right up against the glass, not wanting to let small, short children stand up against the glass.
2) Kids dig fish. There is something that is very calming about watching a tank full of fish. If you can keep the kids staring into the tank for long enough, they DO get quiet.
3) EVERYONE calls clown fish, "Nemo Fish" And yes, the blue tangs are "Dori Fish" and they had a tank that was filled with Nemo and Dori Fish. Gabe asked, "Which one is the REAL Nemo and Dori mom?"
4) Jellyfish are creepy, and not always pink like in Spongebob Squarepants.
See all the pics in my Flick'r badge to the left.
Had a great time, even though Danny was really being a pain. Perhaps with more outings he will be better, either that or he just doesn't get to go next time.
Saturday, March 01, 2008
will it be yes or will it be... sorry?
One of the guilty pleasures of adult life has been a little TV show I call Dawsons Creek. I watched it religiously every week and when it went was in syndication on TBS, I was on maternity leave and "coincidentally" was on at the same time that I was nursing and the baby's nap time, so I got to see both hours it played the reruns.
This morning I turned on the TV and Dawsons Creek was on. The season finale no less. The one where Jen dies. When Joey finally picks Pacey, and life goes on. Like it alway does, I cried. A lot. 6AM and Julie is over here shedding tears over 4 characters on TV. Even though I have seen it before. The finale, I admit, I have only seen once until today. Perhaps because it makes me sad and I reminds me of too much.
Now before you go thinking that I think this is the most heartwarming finale ever, you have to remember that I cry at the end of Homeward Bound and you know, when Chandler proposes to Monica. So you have to take all that into consideration. I am a big fat crier when it comes to television. Just not so much real life.
I do my best not to cry over the e-husband if I can help it. Partially because I feel he is not worth my tears, and partially because I have cried so many in my lifetime, that it doesn't mean anything anymore. Kind of like the person who says "I'm sorry" all the time. Overkill. Crying about the ehusband is obvious. You can assume I am always crying over him.
Some days I have regrets that knock me too my core. Sometimes I want to close my eyes tight and open them to find he is not here. That I do not have to think about how many pills he took today. Whether or not he will be 'well' enough to go with us to the aquarium. Sometimes life is harder when I have to wait and see if I can rely on him, rather than just knowing that he is not there to rely on.
This morning if came to me with two pairs of pants. One pair that should not even have been in the drawer. They were way too small. I mean, size 18 months maybe and another pair of pants that happened to have a hole in the knee. And he says, will this one (the small one) fit Danny? I gave him a blank stare, because he had one on his face. I could tell that he really did not know what he was doing. The medication just makes him disoriented and sort of "sleep walk-y-ish."
The exchange was not pretty. It ended up with me saying, "Just leave me the fuck alone."
Yeah, somedays regret just puts me in a strangle hold.
This morning I turned on the TV and Dawsons Creek was on. The season finale no less. The one where Jen dies. When Joey finally picks Pacey, and life goes on. Like it alway does, I cried. A lot. 6AM and Julie is over here shedding tears over 4 characters on TV. Even though I have seen it before. The finale, I admit, I have only seen once until today. Perhaps because it makes me sad and I reminds me of too much.
Now before you go thinking that I think this is the most heartwarming finale ever, you have to remember that I cry at the end of Homeward Bound and you know, when Chandler proposes to Monica. So you have to take all that into consideration. I am a big fat crier when it comes to television. Just not so much real life.
I do my best not to cry over the e-husband if I can help it. Partially because I feel he is not worth my tears, and partially because I have cried so many in my lifetime, that it doesn't mean anything anymore. Kind of like the person who says "I'm sorry" all the time. Overkill. Crying about the ehusband is obvious. You can assume I am always crying over him.
Some days I have regrets that knock me too my core. Sometimes I want to close my eyes tight and open them to find he is not here. That I do not have to think about how many pills he took today. Whether or not he will be 'well' enough to go with us to the aquarium. Sometimes life is harder when I have to wait and see if I can rely on him, rather than just knowing that he is not there to rely on.
This morning if came to me with two pairs of pants. One pair that should not even have been in the drawer. They were way too small. I mean, size 18 months maybe and another pair of pants that happened to have a hole in the knee. And he says, will this one (the small one) fit Danny? I gave him a blank stare, because he had one on his face. I could tell that he really did not know what he was doing. The medication just makes him disoriented and sort of "sleep walk-y-ish."
The exchange was not pretty. It ended up with me saying, "Just leave me the fuck alone."
Yeah, somedays regret just puts me in a strangle hold.
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