Calm

Yesterday I told the e-husband to stop being such a bitch to me and the kids. I feel a little more relaxed, even with the fact that they have picked up this awful habit of not going to bed until WAY too late and they are fighting all the time. It strangely just seems like the price of admission and I'm just not so bothered by it.

I have been off of my meds, for no real good reason, since the day before I left for vacation. So far I've had no ill effects from it. Nobody's gotten hurt. Life resumes. Things, for all their disarray, are calm. The skies are not blue, and the forecast is not certain, but strangely it doesn't seem like there is a storm up ahead.

Not THE talk, but A talk.

I had a talk with Alex last night. It seems that he likes a girl, who likes him. He wants to spend some time with her. Go to the movies, hang out.

My gut reaction was to just say "Are you insane? You're 13." But then I was remembered of Alvin. Yes, that was his name. Later he went to "Al" of course, but when I was in 7th grade I had a big major crush on him. He was so cute and he wanted to go out with me. My mothers response to this buy, like all the others before him was, "Are you insane?" and "No" So I did what any hot blooded pre teen would do. I sneaked around. I lied. I got caught. I changed schools and my life went in a completely different direction because I was forced to make new friends and go to a completely different school.

So I decided to think like a parent who was also once 13. A parent who knows that he is ultimately gonna DO whatever stupid nonsense no matter how hard I try to stop it. I told him that I would think about it. Maybe if he went to the movies with a group. Maybe I could drop them off and pick them up. Maybe she could come to the house and they could watch movies under my watchful eye. All of these choices suck, of course they do, but to be a good parent I can't turn my head- but I don't want to chop his balls off either. So we can think about it. We can work something out perhaps.

If he can prove to me that he can be responsible here in the house, then I will feel better about him being responsible outside of the house. Right now, he's just not mature enough to make decisions about girls.

I want to have a good relationship with him. I want him to be able to talk to me cause God knows he can't talk to his dads about this. They are men, they will give man advice and really getting advice from a MAN is no way to be successful with girls.

Cleaning house

So here I am, all up early and at work at 6AM. Its time for me to get my crap together and get the off of this mental vacation I've been on.

My house is a physical disaster. You know I am of the belief that I should not have to worry about such things- being that I have someone at home who I feel should be handling this- but we all know that is not going to happen. So I need to just step up and deal with it.

I have the opportunity to move into a really nice new apartment that is only $225 more than what I am paying now. I figured that since my rent was going up ANYWAY- I may as well get a nicer place rented to me by a friend. However, the market is so bad, it turns out that my rent isn't going up after all. Part of me still wants to take the apartment. However, I know that it's not a smart move. The apartment I am in is still under $1500. It's close to my mom, and the kids schools. It really doesn't make sense really. Which sucks- cause it is a beautiful apartment. My friend really wants to rent it- and if she could let it go for what I'm currently paying I'd be all over it. At this point, I'd be moving, and paying more (all on my own, by the way) just so the e-husband would be more comfortable sitting all day in a nicer apartment. It just doesn't make good financial sense. So another year in my shitty apartment. Perhaps I will put some money into it and have the carpets cleaned, again- and take the time to make sure that they fix the crap that needs fixing. Rumor has it that they have a new maintenance team. Lets see how long this one lasts.

damn.

My mental house is kind of a disaster too. I have some crap I got to deal with. Paperwork shit that is piling up. I have to deal with that too. I need a secretary at home.

Someone to say, sign this- and send it off for me. Someone to be accountable to. As long as the kids are fed and cuddled, and the bills are paid, my job is kinda done. I am not accountable to anyone. I refuse to be accountable to the e-husband. And we all know what a fucking flake I am.

This should be interesting huh??

Hey Lady- Kim tells the joke

kim =^..^=

Jun 26, 2008 4:49 PM

A lady walks by a pet store on her way home, and a parrot in a cage outside said "Hey Lady, Fuck You". She's shocked and upset to say the least, but then thinks "I must not have heard that right" and goes on her way.

The next day, walking by again, the bird says "Hey Lady, Fuck You". This time she thinks "I KNOW I heard it that time", so she walks into the pet store to complain. She tells the clerk what happened and he says "I'm sorry ma'am, he has a terrible swearing habit and that's why he's never been sold. I'll have a talk with him." She thinks "Yeah right, like that's going to do any good"...

The next day she's walking home again, dreading the fact that she has to pass the pet store, wondering if the "talk" the clerk gave him did any good. As she passes the parrot cage, the bird says,

"Hey Lady... YOU know."

9 trips to Hoboken

This is what we decided we would call this trip if we were going to write a book about it. The Path Train went to Hoboken every time we got on it. The only time we did NOT go to Hoboken and we finally got the shit down was the day we left. I am not an expert on the NJ/NY Path Train- but Kim is. Without Kim I would have ended up in Harlem.

or Hoboken.

The Avenues run East to West and get higher as you go North. The Streets run north to south and they get either higher or lower as you go East... or West. Some shit like that. I couldn't figure it out. Kim always knew where we were. Don't travel hard, travel smart. Bring someone with a sense of direction- and that person is not me. I end up in Hoboken!!

Hoboken became the slang for when things were fucked up. If the coffee was too hot, it was all Hoboken. If plans went awry, it was cause Hoboken. When we were lost at 4:30 in the morning, well- we were in Hoboken.



Where are you?
Hoboken.

Next time I should just STAY there because that is where the train goes, no matter what.

We spent most of our time in Downtown Manhattan. It is less touristy- lots of cool pubs and places to walk around. The best fucking italian food ever. We had italian food every night. I smoked in NY- but I barely went through a back and a half in 5 days. Cigarettes are close to, if not more than $10 there and The Athiest pointed out that it was officially cheaper to get high than it was to smoke cigarettes. Whats with all the moms walking their babies around at 1:30 in the morning? Don't you have a bouncy seat?

We hung out at a few really cool bars and met 1/2 of two really cool guys. Meaning one guy was seriously cool and the other guy was chock full of douchebaggery. Some guys just can't take "No, Thank You" for an answer. Too bad. Cranberry and Vodka and Pinot for Kim. I can't spell the other part of that wine, but you know if you drink wine then you know.

Hey lady? You know! Ask Kim the joke- I can't tell a joke.

More later.

George Carlin's Last Interview

We were in a cab when I heard about George Carlins death.
Dane Cook posted this link on MySpace of his last interview.

He was one of the first stand up comedians I watched on TV with my brothers. He never stopped making me laugh.

read it.

There's no coffee in this hotel!

I came in around 12:15AM. The flight didn't seem too bad with the mix of Xanax, Vodka, and Kim who held my hand most of the time. I slept and reflected on this amazing trip.

At home, everyone was asleep (nice of the husband to wait up for me huh?) and the house was the same disarray that I left it in. What ever happened to that thing where when mom leaves town the house looks BETTER than how she left it? I sat up for a little while and then crashed into bed.

This morning, there was no coffee in the house. Fuckity fuck fuck fuck.....

Starbucks, Venti Vanilla Latte. mmmmmm ahhhhh.

I am having a rough time moving about today. I'm exhausted. But I'm home now. Life resumes. I will put together some more pictures soon. I'm still adjusting to the lack of alcohol in my blood stream- and trying to decide if it was all just a dream.



Strawberry Fields in Central Park


The entrance to Penn Station


At 4AM we all picked a pillar to crash on in the train station.

a few pics

I can't even begin to tell you how much I love this fucking city. It's too amazing for words. I haven't done all the things on my list, it's just not possible. But we have hung out with New Yorkers, we have hung out in awesome bars, eaten great food, drank and partied a lot and went to the Yankees game.

This has been the best trip of my life, but I miss the Beasties.











more later...

Arrived in New York....

7AM. Coffee is brewing and I keep eyeballing my clock that says 4:20 and wondering why the fuck I'm up, but I crashed at midnight, so you know, perhaps I am easier to acclimate.

The train station next door to our hotel. Literally. It cost .65 to ride it, we bought a 10 trip pass.

Our very first adventure really was, that after we bought the tickets, a rush of people came through the turnstiles towards us and then out the door- surely that was not the way we were supposed to go. That was the way OUT and we were going IN. So we kinda stood for a moment, staring at the sign that said TO THE PATH that everyone was exiting, feeling really stupid like :um ok now where do we go?

Eventually it cleared and we realized that the turnstile went both ways. Ok- so read the signs, they ARE correct.

Through the turnstile and down down down. Waiting for the train, it was just like in the movies. Just people standing, reading, waiting. One girl was passed out drunk on the floor with her girlfriends cracking up and taking pictures up her skirt. I admit, it was pretty fucking hilarious.

I wonder how fast they go, it kinda felt like Big Thunder Mountain at Disneyland, except we were standing. Our train ride was not far, and we exited on Christopher St. We walked around The Village, not really sure where the fuck we were going. But we walked and watched and talked. It was close to 10PM at this time. There were people everywhere. I mean EVERYWHERE. Where are all these people going at 11PM on a Thursday? It was a whole city of people who DIDN'T have to get up at 5AM and it was so alive. There was an energy I could not explain, even in the small circle we walked for about an hour.

Everything was right there on the sidewalk. There's no parking lots anywhere, and we were walking right next to people eating their dinners. Doorways to apartment buildings were right there. I guess that's why there's so many people, in these cities. Half of the area is not parking lots.

I didn't take any pictures last night, but so far the place is not lacking for Italian Food or flowers.

Around 11:30 we both admitted that we were just fucking beat. I know, huh? But we didn't have a map, we weren't sure where we were or where to go- so it was just wandering. Everyone on the street had placed to go. Everyone walked with conviction. We were strolling. It was fantastic though, just to feel that energy. It was kinda surreal.

Today we are going to go into the city again and pick up a three day tour bus thing. Uptown Downtown, brooklyn, a harbor cruise thing. And a nighttime tour with will be cool so see it all lit up like that.

more later, with pictures. Promise.

En route...

I am flying. The plane will land in about 2 hours. I’m listening to Snow Globe which is a song from my friends’ band. We are over Iowa or something like that and there is turbulence. Kim has assured me that it’s just air.

It’s BITCHY AIR, I told her. Twatty air.

I don’t like it but Kim is right here to hold my hand and I just reach over and grab it. The Xanax and Vodka has worn down a bit and overall the fight has not been too bad. Just a few 40 second sessions of bitchy air, and then it’s fine. I even got up once to pee. Yah me.

We are having fun though. Every time Kim gets up to go to the bathroom, which has been two times now I do the totally heteroflexible thing by not getting up so she has to lap dance over me. It’s cool.

If I had cash on me and not in my purse I’d tuck bills between her boobs. She’d dig that and would gladly take my money for letting me oogle her goods.

We are destined to have a blast.

The check in at LAX was really not so bad at all. A few lines and such but everything moved pretty quick. There was very little waiting around and I didn’t have too much time to freak out. I got a cup of water before we took off and I had my Xanax and it had kicked in before we departed, so that helped a lot.

I’ve always been a bad flyer. I admit that one the reasons I don’t travel is because I hate to fly. When I was younger my uncle offered to fly me Holland and I declined because I would have to fly for 19 hours. Yeah, no. But Kim is thoughtful and she lets me grab her hand and she sort of rubs my arm in that sort of mom-ish way. She seems to be getting me through this experience as she flies a lot- we were joking in the airport that she needs a leash for me so I don’t get lost (cause I’m a runner)

When we land, she is going to do some laundry cause she didn’t have time before she left and I am going to relax a bit, and then we will go into the city for food and a drink.

I’m so excited I can hardly sit still. Knowing me I will find time to post while I’m there, cause I’m a blogger geek like that. I can’t help it.

I don't have the shopping gene,

I went shopping today for fathers day and NY stuff. I got my father in law the Rocky Series. Six Rocky DVD's for $20. Score.

I got my step dad this fathers day t-shirt and matching hat that says "Keepin it Reel" and there's a fish on it. He likes to fish and he likes showing off that he's a grandpa. He has one from a few years ago that says "Grandpa Rocks" and a rocking chair. He loves it. I didn't get anything for my husband, but the kids made him things at school- and I think that's ok. He's at his parents with his daughter and not doing very well there either, but I think he'll be ok soon enough. I am glad to be free of it for a few days and it's somewhat alarming how much better I feel when he's gone, it's just a lifted weight. I think I even LOOK better when I'm away from him.

Also bought myself a few skirts for my trip but it turns out that I'm not as big as I thought I was so I get to return them for a smaller size- hey my day is looking up!! I figure I need SOMETHING kinda cute for the evenings and going out to eat. I can't do shorts all weekend right? Of course I have nothing totally cute- cause I just don't DO cute or feminine. I have some slutty low cut tops for the bars at night- and my awesome jeans. A few dress pants. I just don't DO fashionable. My body is not shaped like the dresses in the store. It doesn't work on me. Perhaps my charm will be enough.

Really, I don't care all that much. I mean- I bought some new makeup and I will not wear scrubs around Manhattan. I just can't promise too much more than that.

Ok, maybe I used the word charm too loosely.

Tough love is not for sissies.

It's Friday. The E-husband is in Canyon Lake with the in-laws and my step daughter. He attempted to call in sick for his life again last night. I know that it's sort of a psychosomatic reaction for him to get too sick to move every time he has to be social or outside of his comfort zone. He has been anxious about Sarah being here because he's sick and he doesn't like her to see him like this.

News flash pal, you've been like this for years. We are on to you. We know you're sick. We know you don't have a lot of energy, we know you don't get around like you used to. We know it. We got it. We're used to it.

When are YOU going to get used to it??

So he was giving me a bunch of crap and not being able to make the drive and not wanting to go cause he feels to awful and a bunch of other stuff. WHAT THE COCK ABOUT THAT???

I told him that he was being selfish and that he needed to suck it up. You can't miss a THREE DAY visit with you daughter that you haven't seen cause you've got a bad case of the whatever is wrong with you every other day. I told him that there are some things that you can't miss. Some things you will REGRET if you dick out on. She'll never say anything, but it's not something that just rolls off the back of a 15 year old.
HOW MUCH MORE DO YOU WANT TO HURT THIS GIRL?

He called me a bitch and told me to fuck off. And hung up on me. I sicked his mom on him also. He called me an hour later and said,

Well I sure don't want to spend the next three days with YOU- so I guess I'll go.

You know, I don't like to be such a bitch, but it's important. I'm tired of the kids getting hurt because Dad is sick. It's just not right and I won't tolerate it. Hurt me, fine- but not my kids. Not anymore. I can tolerate that we all have to put up with his limitations. I realize that is a bummer and they will probably have to suffer a little bit along the way. However, blatant disregard is just not allowed.

Deal with it.

What's in your medicine cabinet??

Just the essentials right?

From left to right.... (you know which shelf)

Purr, Goliath, and the Hans Hardwood Dildo. Yes, it's made of walnut. Then some climax burst lube that has these vitamin E beads that make you feel SOOO soft. Liquid Virgin. (take a wild guess what that does) And The Little Blue Bottle which is like the pheremone oil which strangely does work crazy magic. Either that or it just makes me horny- and either way, everyone wins!!

Happy HNT. I hope ya'll get well laid tonight, or at least have a good medicine cabinet!!

never tired

I absolutely never get tired of watching videos like this. You can't help but smile.

random question on my profile

since you probably won't look at my profile.... I got a new random profile question, and it really needs to be seen.

For your birthday, your aunt gave you a maple syrup dispenser shaped like a rooster. Please write her a thank-you note:

Dear Tante-

Thanks so much- this combines my two favorite things.

Breakfast and Cock.

Princess bitchy pants

I wonder if I have become one of those women who is secretly happy when relationships fail. Isn't that awful. Two of my sisters are getting married. One is getting married in August, the other is getting married eventually, I assume. I mean- its not official, but you know you look at them and think, "oh yeah.... that's a done deal." I am really happy for them- of course I am. (oh now here's something funny. really the first SISTER I am talking about is not even my sister, but my BROTHERS fiance) That is how married they are gonna get- I'm already calling HER my sister and forgetting all about my brother. Sorry Rick. It's an estrogen thing.

Anyway- so someone I adore is sorta bitchy on twitter these days. I'm assuming it's his wife cause the scenarios are 'at home' scenarios. I was just about to type a message to him saying, So is the "so happily married I could puke" phase, officially over?

But I stopped, cause... what a cunt right??

Don't get me wrong, I love marriage. It's just the guy I married I'm not always so fond of.

TMI Tuesday

1. If you're in love with your partner, does it make the sex better?
Of course. But if you're not, it doesn't make it bad....

2. What is the most expensive sex toy you've ever purchased?
I think it was $50. I don't pay for them anymore. The most expensive one I HAVE is $120.

3. If you knew ahead of time you would not have an orgasm, would you still have sex?
Of course. I think I would do more of that cuddly lovemaking stuff.

4. What celebrity would you most like to have sex with if given the chance?
Brad Pitt. Or maybe his wife.

5. Have you ever had sex while an audience watched?
Not yet.

Bonus (as in optional): Describe the best sexual encounter you've ever had.
My husband and I, when we were dating were at a restaurant having coffee and the guy came up and said, "we are closing, but you guys are welcome to sit on the patio after we are gone." We looked at each other and said, "Did they just give us permission to fuck on their patio?" They damn near gave us pillows for it!!

Stolen Meme

No more than 2 words can be used...
Have fun and try not to use the same
answers as the person before you.


1. Where is your cell phone? ....................... right pocket

2. Your significant other?.............................. cleaning house

3. Your hair? ................................................... frizzy curl

4. Your mother? .............................................. at home

5. Your father?................................................. two dead

6. Your favorite thing?.................................... my laptop

7. Your dream last night?.............................. about sex

8. Your favorite drink? ................................... cold soda

9. Your dream/goal?...................................... thin rich

10. The room you're in?................................ living rool

11. Your ex?..................................................... not bad

12. Your fear?.................................................. regret death

13.Where do you want to be in 6 years?...... not sure

14. Where were you last night?.................... leather couch

15. What you're not?....................................... thin rich

16. Muffins?...................................................... hot blueberry

17. One of your wish list items?................... gspot vibe

18. Where you grew up?................................ Cypress, CA

19. The last thing you did?............................. made hamburgers

20. What are you wearing?........................... black tank

21. Your TV?..................................................... playing Cars

22. Your pet(s)?............................................... three sons

23. Your computer? ....................................... my love

24. Your life?........................................... steadily unpredictable

25. Your mood?............................................... happy rested

26. Missing someone?................................. just Ed

27. Your car?................................................... green minivan

28. Something you're not wearing?............husbands pants

29. Favorite Store?........................................Target

30. Your summer?........................................ NEW YORK

31. Like someone......................................... very much

32. Your favorite color?................................. black red

33. Last time you laugh............................... this afternoon

34. Last time you cried?.............................. can't remember

35. Who will re-post this...............................probably nobody

Easy like Sunday Morning.

The weekend was lovely. It was my first weekend that I didn't have homework, a headache nor did I have to climb Mount Laundry. I slept in AND napped. We went out to the pool both days, briefly. I even got to watch a movie last night on TV. I was in bed before midnight last night.

Even had a little bit of sex top it off. Ok, well maybe it wasn't sex, but it was an orgasm- and you know... that's pretty good too. ;)

My step daughter is flying into town tonight. She will be here for a month. She's staying with her grandmother, so the e-husband will be gone on and off for the next three or four weeks. Once I get back from NY, he will have to be here during the week, so maybe she will come and stay with us for a few days. It will be great to see her.

This is the last week of school for the boys, so the e-husband will be home with them through the summer. I'm upping Alex's allowance to help out with the boys over the summer and I'm going back to my 6:30 to 3 work schedule so I can get off work early. If the e-husband is having a rough day, my mom is close by and she has said she will help out after noon, and I will be home by 3:30 ish. It's going to save me $600 a month, and cost me only $20. Score!

My brother is getting married this summer- I think this would be perfect for the first dance. Whatta ya think D?




WAIT!!! This is even better. It's long... but you know- worth it...

Really important facts about me (that I should not forget)

Thirteen days till NYC. I am more excited every day.

It occurred to me this morning, something I should not have forgotten. My friend and I will be seeing much of Manhattan via a double decker tour bus, since we have limited days and mucho plans. This seems pretty logical really except for one thing.

I get motion sickness.
Like back seat of a car motion sickness.
So you know, top of a double decker bus is going to be an issue.


Yes. Dramamine. Bonine. Whatever "Julie Don't Throw Up" medication that I can find. I wonder how that mixes with booze?

Step 1- accept it.

I am powerless and my life has become unmanageable.

(I can hear the athiest sighing from a thousand miles away)

But it's true. I am sooo absent minded lately.

I lost my drivers license. I can SEE it, sitting somewhere- waiting for me to find it. It's waiting for me- and I can't find it. Ahk. I'm getting in a plane in two weeks, going out of town. With no drivers license?? Shit. So I called the airport and my expired license, and a temporary license with picture (they do that now) will be fine. Hopefully it will be just as fine at the bars!! Of course, really, if anyone things I'm not 21- I will blow them right there on the spot.

I lost the Student Loan Exit interview envelope. I signed the papers, I put it in the envelope. I even addressed it, and then I lost it. The contents of that envelope will hold up my final grades and ultimately my diploma. Lovely.

I lost the notice I received from the IRS. CP2000. A propsed change. From 2006. Here's what I did. I left Celtic on Jan 5th. So I had one more paycheck from them. My final paycheck. So what happened? Did I forget to include it when I did my 2006 taxes? No, not really. I entered all of the info on to my Turbo Tax forms, everything except the actual wages. Yeah, smooth move huh?? So of course when Celtic reported that they PAID me actual wages, well as it turns out my refund (specifically the child tax credits) should have been a tad (read: $1100) less than what they paid me. So you know, $1100 plus you know, fees for that little loan... and I owe closer to $1200. So I can make payments, and cause I'm basically poor (only cause I have so many fucking kids and one income) I can make very low payments- so it's ok. But yeah. I lost THAT paperwork.

Seriously folks, what is my fucking deal?

Regardless, I made the call about my License. I called the school and they are resending a form and she said that grades won't be ready for three more weeks anyway. And I called the IRS. Man, they really are a lifeless group huh?? I was hoping it was a stereotype and I'd get a really kicky Jamaican guy on the phone who laughed at my predicament and said, "Gurrrl- yo gooda geet yo ahct togetha!!" (ok so maybe in my head he sounded like Sebastian from The Little Mermaid). But no- he was very "Thank you Miss Furraireeee. Is there unything I can doo to help you todaaaay?" I mean- tie me down and make me watch paint dry!!!

But they are also sending me the form and I've got some time- so that's good too.

Regardless, I gooda geet my ahct togetha!! Cause you know, I'm goin to NY in two weeks. Two weeks baby from tonight- I will be IN New York. awwww yeah!!!!

Half Nekkid Thursday- the aftermath

The last few days have been a bit blurry. Graduation is over and I'm getting ready for my NY trip in two weeks!! I can't wait!!

Now that graduation is over, I am trying to get back in to the swing of just being home. No homework, and just taking care of my kids and my house and the e-husband who is not doing as well as I'd like to report.

I feel a bit out of sorts I guess. Transitioning. Fuzzy.

Somebody shake me up, wake me up, and push me forward.


(and clickity click)

Shiny and New

Life is way good when you got people who know stuff.
--
Who the fuck stole Kurt Cobain's ashes?? I mean what a douche bag. I admit that back when he died, I was a bit resistant to the "voice of a generation" thing- but now I admit that his music is good. His lyrics were amazing. I didn't appreciate it when I was 22. But then, what DID I appreciate back then??
--
So do you Twitter? I have twitter, but I don't use it as often as I'd like to. I would use it more, if people talked to me. Maybe if I used it more, people would talk to me. I don't know.
If you Twit, then I am at juliedoyaloveme. So you know, find me, and you know- I totally will keep up with all the minute details of your day. Really.
--
Can anyone tell me how to get back into the swing of things?? I feel so very displaced lately. The e-husband is struggling through depression worse than I've ever seen it. It is knocking me off my balance.
--
Last night I watched the pilot episode for In Plain Sight.



Wow, is she HOT or what??

Let it begin with me

and proof that Al-Anon did more than save me from an alcoholic marriage.


I don't usually do things like this. While I have been known to flash my panties now and again, I don't usually air the laundry, but I'm going to- sort of, edited down and paraphrased.

To Me: Why are you mad at me? Please talk to me. It's been weeks. I thought we were close?

To Her: I am hurt that you did not attend my graduation. I understand that you couldn't, but it hurt my feelings and I feel that you should have called me and not sent me an email about it.

To Me: Oh YEAH? Well you are a shitty person. You are never there for me. Life is not all about you. You are selfish and self centered. What do you want from me?

There was more to it that this, but it was uglier and meaner than I could ever have imagined. It's not worth it to go into more detail. There it is. I had hurt feelings before. In time I would have gotten over it, but she asked. She wanted to know- even know I know she knew. Apparently what she wanted was enough ammo to unload everything that is bothering her about me.
It sucks when you just don't like the ones that you love. And my answer? Nothing. I didn't want anything from you- you emailed ME remember?

I don't like confrontations. I really don't. I prefer to just let it go. If it is a person with whom I am going to always have to deal with, it's easier to just let it go- and maybe tread a little wiser in the future. It does not make me feel better to say, "Hey that was fucked up!" or "How dare you!" It doesn't make me feel better to put someone in their place. I prefer to just accept that we all have reasons for the decisions we make and the choices we make. I don't have to LIKE what you do- but I just can't take away your right to do it, or take away your rights to feel whatever it is you want to feel, whether or not I agree. I would never claim anyone doesn't have the right to feel a certain way.

In return, nobody has the right to tell me not to feel a certain way. I don't push my negative feelings at people. I am NEVER one to say, "HEY! I am really MAD at you for doing that. How dare you do something I don't like or disapprove of!" Anyone who knows me- knows that I do not confront (and I am only passive aggressive if I am now, or have ever been married to you.)

I learned it in Al-Anon. Live and Let Live, but you know- that goes both ways. Feelings are not facts- but they are real enough. I do not begrudge you yours- and I refuse to let you begrudge me mine. Refuse.

LIVE AND LET LIVE

This is a reminder that most of us need--often. Our only concern should be our own conduct, our own improvement, our own lives. We are entitled to our own view of things, and we have no right to inflict it on anyone else.

Amen sister. Af'enmen.

Back to life

Like my new header??

Graduation is over. Yah!! I did my little "hey check out my sexy brains!" see below. I had planned that for quite some time, and for the normal Half Nekkid Thursday crew I think there were some lightbulbs going off. Oh--- I THOUGHT that 'bad girl' looked familiar. It still shocks me that some people did NOT make the connection- but then again- would I have??

It's time to get my life back in order. The last three weeks have been spent with my head in my books, on my computer and in a strange cloud. My cumulative GPA (ALL of my grades since I started college) is 2.96. My undergraduate GPA- just what I did at Cal State is 3.2. September starts a new program, a new school and a whole new set of priorities.

Until then, I have a few things planned. New York in about three weeks. My step daughter is going to be in town. American Idol concert.

On a smaller scale, today I need to get my HOUSE back in order, I don't do alot of housework and such during finals. Unfortunately, the e-husband has been sick for those weeks, adding to the stress of it- thanks hon. Now looking around at the house, wow- it's trashed. So my agenda for today includes coffee. Cleaning house. Laundry. I may not have time for anything else. Sexy huh??

E-husband was discharged from the hospital yesterday. He said he was going to get up and help today- but I'm not holding my breath on that one.