About Me

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Using my 40's as a do-over for my thirties, only smarter. I often mistake the bees and honey reference with the one about free milk and a cow. This might explain my whole life.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

what you're looking for...

here's some of the recent searches that have landed people on my blog:

"bondage dog"
"jizz"
"rite aid vibrators"
"when you die nothing happens"
"julie fucks my brains out"

and my favorite

"maybe I wasn't asking you to love me"

Thursday, June 25, 2009

It don't matter if you're black or white


1958-2009



If you had asked me a week ago, I would not have thought much about it- but today I find myself sad and reminiscent... and lacking for words. I could probably post 25 of my favorite videos here.... but I won't. I'll just post this one, because it's still one of my favorite songs of all time.


Saturday, June 20, 2009

Thursday, June 18, 2009

come on over...

I'm going to see him perform next week in LA.









Of all the songs from him, and Matchbox 20, I think this is really my favorite. It just feels good.



Thought I'd share it, in case you need a pick me up!!

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

local douchebags

Have you ever seen this site?

Hot Chicks with Douchebags



Cock-a-doodle-douche!
















So now it's a TV show.

I couldn't figure out how to identify California guys. There's just something SO arrogant and dickish about a lot of them. NOT all of them,but some. I think this is why I find myself gravitating towards New Yorkers, or guys from anywhere else. There's just something different. So when I saw this show- I realized immediately what it is about a lot of the OC guys- they identify it right away.

You know that guy. That guy who thinks he's so fresh he actually CALLS himself 'fresh.' He spends more time on his hair than you do. He owns a flat iron. He's kind of a chick, but with a cock and an ego. He's a younger Ryan Secreast. He's OK looking, and would be hot if he wasn't such a fucking tool. The only reason you might fuck him is because he got you drunk and maybe that's the fastest way to shut his ass up! Maybe he's got a big dick, I mean, he keeps TELLING YOU how big it is, right?

He's the OC Bag.

totally

Monday, June 15, 2009

IDK, IDC and IDTS!!!!

I had an argument with my husband today. Why?

He keeps calling me.

*in my best Julia Roberts a la Pretty Woman voice*...Stop callin me!!!

If he's got something to say, like if something is really wrong. Did he fall? Is he bleeding? Do the kids need a cast??
No...

We need bread.

Really? For bread, you make a phone call??

Seriously dude. Text me.

I got him a Blackberry for FatherDay. I am paying an extra $30 a month for him to be able to reach my via text, Blackberry Messenger, and Yahoo Messenger. He can even email me.

Instead. He calls.
sigh....

Later I was at the store. Talking to my BFF on the phone. She is the only person I know who doesn't have a cell phone. Her daughters have cell phones, I have sent texts to her daughters to get fast messages to her. Messages that don't require a phone call. So he called again but I didn't pick up. I sent him a Blackberry Message asking him if we needed anything else at the store. (I can do that WHILE I talk on the phone) He never answered so I figured it was fine, I shopped and left.

When I left the store, I wrapped up my phone call and listened to his voice mail. "Hey we need milk."

WHAT????

So I loaded the groceries in my car, and I went BACK in. Not before I called him. "Why didn't you message me back?"

"What?? I didn't get your text."

"Ok, I didn't buy you this phone and pay for the service for you NOT to check your damn messages!!!"

He told me I was wiggin. I DO NOT WIG.
I was irritated and you know, we don't need to have a phone call for EVERYTHING. You can text me- I'd prefer that you text me.

"Are you kidding me? You're rather that I TEXT you?"

And while maybe my answer was ridiculous, I answered truthfully. "Yes."

I could hear him shaking his head.

whatever....

just. text. me.

Look, I'm not saying that I never want to talk on the phone. I mean, I LOVE to talk on the phone. However, if you CAN say it in 160 characters or less... why not do just that?

srsly. kthnksbi.



Saturday, June 13, 2009

I'm on your side....

I know I will get killed for posting these pictures. Sorry girls.

When I was a Freshmen in HS, I met Carrie. She introduced me to Christie, and Abigail. Well, I think she introduced me to Christie. Definitely Abigail. This was Freshmen year and for the next three years the three of us were BFF's.
Sort of.

There's always a weird dynamic in girl groups. Rarely is everyone equally friendly with everyone else.

Carrie and me
Christie and me
Christie and Abigail
Carrie and Abigail

see what's missing??

Carrie and Christie
Abigail and Me


What came between us?
Hmm, what do you think???

It was more than that really- sometimes it was temperament, personality, and sometimes just jealousy. Who knows really- however it was always sort of there. Of course though, we all spent lots of time together. As many of the whole group as possible. The other three girls were in choir, and I used to go to EVERY choir concert to watch and support. We supported each other and we were there for each other and did the best we could to get along, for the sake of the group.

There were guys, and fights... and fights over guys.

Gossip, backstabbing... and crying.

By senior year, we had somewhat outgrown the friendship it seemed. Christie and I remained close but really the rest of the 4some had somewhat dismantled and gone separate ways. Maybe the reason I have so few memories of my senior year, is because I didn't share it with them. I remember once telling Carrie that she's just someone I used to be friends with. She told me that it was probably the most hurtful think I'd ever say to her. She's probably right.

After graduation, Carrie and I reconciled and have remained best friends. Christie and I faded off and on, more off than on- over the next 20 years. Abigail nobody really heard from until a few months ago. I think she and Carrie had a falling out of sorts a year after graduation.


Abigail and I have been corresponding via Facebook for the past few months I guess. It's been nice, really nice. 20 years and that relationship has come full circle and really I can't really remember the reason we didn't get along. I mean, other than fighting for Carrie's attention... oh yeah, and the one guy... dumb.

Looking back, it's all kind of foolish.

Abigail is going to be in town next week. We are going to get together. Get together with our kids, and then just us- hang out, have some drinks... Girl stuff. I really can't wait. It's so important for me to heal old wounds.

High school is a wound for all of us- that much I know. A reunion, of sorts, would be healing for all of us I think.

The 20 year reunion of our high school is coming up at the end of the summer. Abigail is going to be there, and I will be there too. Christie and Carrie are not coming. I wish they were. It would be great to get an updated picture. It would be great to know that the troubled water really IS under the bridge.

It would be great to embrace my friends. To laugh with them and be in that safe place. I don't know why these types of things are so important to me. Maybe I read too many books or watch too many movies- but I don't want the next time that the 4 of us are in the same place to be some tragedy. It's great for the movies, but nothing I want to really experience. Who knows, maybe it wasn't as important to the others as it was for me. Maybe the other girls just don't care or have lives that are so full that they don't need to revisit those days. Maybe it just meant more to me than it did to anyone else. I don't know.

I just wish... I wish that we could all be together. Not the high school reunion, the cliques and the prom with booze and blood pressure medication, but my friends.
The 4 of us.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Wow

Remember when I used to blog here?? Jeez- what a lasy ass I've been.

Alex is in North Carolina visiting his cousins. Gabe and Danny had thier kindergarten promotion on Wednesday. This was the third time Danny got the chance to sing with his friends. He did- one song. He sang and did the little hand motions. And he kinda cried. He's just not comfortable being in front of people.

Weird, and he's MY kid.


Gabriel is much more outgoing when it comes to things like this. Much more outgoing than Daniel, even if he is generally more sensitive.

But really, look how cute he is....



Ok- kid fawning aside. Not much else is going on. School is out today for the little ones, Alex's last day is Tuesday. Summer is here, although the weather would make you think otherwise. I hope it gets sunny soon, because swimming is the only thing I can take these kids to do that doesn't cost anything, lasts for HOURS, and they have a blast doing it. So bring it on sunshine. I don't work all day to have to TAKE my kids someplace to entertain them.

I'm going to teach Alex how to ride the bus this summer. If he wants to go to the mall, or go to the beach- I don't want to have to drive his ass everywhere. He can take the bus.

No- I didn't take the bus when I was his age, but I was admittedly lazy.

I know... I suck.
I'm off my game.

Sunday, June 07, 2009

yeah, sure- that makes sense.

Abstinence Chart


I thought it was kind of funny, although I'm not sure that the cigar is about but I'm sure I can guess.

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

breakdown...

I seem to be having from some sort of breakdown or crisis and I didn't notice it until my boss called me to task yesterday. In a big way. I didn't get fired or anything, but it was just pointed out that my work has been subpar. I have unfinished projects. I'm behind on a lot of things. I didn't really have any good explanation for it.

When I got home last night I realized that the laundry was still piled up. Both clean and dirty laundry. It's been a three days since we've needed it and I seem to be just making quick trips to the grocery store to pick up what is needed for that day- but I haven't gone 'shopping'.

I have a 5 page paper due on Sunday that I have not looked at yet. I have a homework assignment due on Thursday.

I'm behind on my life.

Really, I don't care.

I am detached and indifferent and while I know I can't LET it happen, but part of me just doesn't CARE if all the pieces of my life crumble in front of me. Even acknowledging it, doesn't encourage me to change it. I find myself begrudgingly making lists t0 organize my life. Planning out the next 5 days in order to get my work done, my homework done, the laundry, the shopping, clean the house... blah blah blah.

The truth is, though, that I really don't care right now. I feel like I'm standing outside looking in- watching what is going on in this life as if it's not even mine. Not really caring too much what anyone has to say about it either. I don't want to spend a breath of energy on this tasks that don't seem to ADD anything to my life, but just make it possible for me to keep living it in the silently desperate state that I live it in.

I'll get back on the ball, because I know I have to. I'll spend a week playing catch up and then return to "life" as normal. I have no joy- I think that's my problem. I just want to focus on the things that make me laugh, and make me feel good- emotionally and physically. Not the things that I have to do in order to keep someone else in the miserable yet protected state he's in. I'm over it. I'm very much over my life, and even though it's supposed to change soon- I have my doubts.

It's time to go to work know... I'll set this to post later this afternoon, unless I change my mind or decide to snap out of it.