dreams of the ocean

I had a dream last night that I went to the beach by myself in the middle of the night. I know... why would I ever do that right?

But regardless I went to the beach and went out to the cold water. I kept walking until I was so far out that I wasn't sure which way the shore was. My head was just above the water and I was on my tip toes. I remembered thinking that this was a recurring dream of mine. I was out in the water. I didn't know which way to go and I knew that I was going to drown out there. It felt like the water was rising. I was cold. My chest felt like I couldn't get air into it. I was dying. I knew it.

I thought that it wasn't a dream, this was actually happening and I was just as scared as I was in my dreams. What was I supposed to do? Was I supposed to just pick my feet up and float under? or was I supposed to swim? But I couldn't swim. I thought to myself- what am I doing here?

Did I come out here- just to die??

So I focused for a moment. I closed my eyes. I felt the water. I felt the current. I felt the wind. I got quiet and I listened. Which way were the waves going? I touched my toes to the ground and bounced back up- letting the water carry me. I did this a few more times, until I could tell that when my feet touched down, I was not as far down. Why, in my dreams, did I never think of this before? I kept my eyes closed tight. Crying, but determined. I was not going to simply give up and die- but not panic, be quiet and let the current take me every time I took my feet off the ocean floor. I continued to do this until the water was up to my chest. I knew I was going the right way- but I also felt the current taking me sideways. I didn't fight the sideways motion, I just kept letting the water carry me. I was too scared, too cold, to tired to fight the currents.

Just keep pushing off the ground, and trusting that it would be there when I floated back down. It did. The cold sandy ocean floor was under me each time I came down- that was all I could rely on. My direction- I couldn't change. Just keep going, I told myself.

I was up to my waist now and my body was stronger than the currents now. I could step. One foot, then the other. Still moving with the water. Almost walking in the direction of the current. Yes, farther and farther from where I started. But closer to shore. When the water was only at my knees, I fell foward and crawled. I let the water hit me, splash up over my back. I was so tired, I wanted to just lie down and let the water carry me- in some ways it did. I just put hand over hand, knee in front of knee.

When I reached shore- I lied down. I let the water lap and my sides. I was safe.
I wasn't sure exactly WHERE I was- but I was on the shore- and nothing else mattered.

I woke up this morning, remembering this dream. Wondering what it means. What is my lesson. What is my current? Why did I walk out there? Did I chose to die?

And why, in my dream, was being out in the middle of the ocean a 'recurring' dream of mine. To my knowledge, I've never dreamed of of that.

So what does the DREAM in itself represent?