oh brother...

Gabriel said to Daniel today (in the middle of singing 'Beat It')...

"Danny? Do you know what a macho man is? It's someone who is really strong and gets to hang out with all the girls."

you know, if your big brother doesn't teach you these things- who will??

Bring it on, Academia!

Like most parents across the country, I am pretty happy this time of year. A sigh of relief is waiting for me just on the other side.

Tomorrow is the first day of school.

Finally. The kids will be back to a regular schedule, gone for most of the day- learning, running around. Recess. Lunch at school.

It's so hella expensive during the summer. Entertaining them, and feeding three kids, three meals a day is emotionally taxing. Usually my kids eat breakfast at my moms and lunch at school. I save a lot of my food bill. This summer practically killed me.

So tomorrow Daniel starts kindergerten, Gabriel starts 1st grade and Alex is going high school. Not the high school that I went to, sadly, but the one that my sibs went to. It wasn't a rival high school really. It's weird that he's going to high school. It means that in more years, he's done with high school and he'll be driving and going to college, and damn I still have a hard time getting that kid to remember to wash his hands after he goes to the bathroom. Surely he's not ready to go to college right??

The 20 Year reunion- or I think I'm too old for this!!

So I went to the reunion on Friday night. All decked out in my hot black dress. Oh, Ok- so here's the rundown on my outfit

Dress: $29
Shoes $20
Bra: $51 (I bought two)
Spanx $28

Yeah, Spanx are some fucking evil magic. Evil because it took me several minutes to put those fuckers on. I was breaking a sweat just getting them over my ass so the crotch wasn't at my knees. Magic, because once I had them on, damn... I swear about 4-5 inches around just disappeared. Bam- just like that!!

So I showed up, cleavage in full swing. I twitter my cleavage to my friends who promptly encouraged me to 'go get em'. That's the thing about twitter, they are my people. I arrived and went up to see some friends who were staying in the hotel. I was greeted with big smiles, open arms, and a drink. Hells yes!!

Another friend arrived so I left the room and went downstairs to meet her, ran into a guy from HS who I crushed on and tongue kissed at graduation. Yeah... I did that. Jim Rupe. I fucking rule. I didn't tongue kiss him there- but I hugged him damn tight because I've been myspace and facebook friends with him for quite some time now, a few years I guess.

Getting upstairs, I admit I was a bit overwhelmed. First off, the had to write my maiden name on my name tag. Jeez, thanks. After misspelling it once... no shit, I said, "Really, that was two husbands ago!"

SO many faces and SO many people. A lot of faces I knew and I hugged almost everyone I was able to. Also a lot of people I didn't know. I laughed with a lot of people about the question, what if you see someone and you realize you DIDN'T know them? Do you keep moving? Introduce yourself?

One girl knew me- man did she know me. I knew her name. But holy fuck I could not remember if we were friends. Based on how excited she was to see me, either we were really good friends- or she was REALLY drunk. Regardless, her excitement made me hug her and talk to her as if I knew her. I'm always excited when people are excited over me. Obviously.

What I loved the most, is that I truly feel like the bullshit is over. People I didn't know, or who I thought didn't like me, or who I maybe wasn't very fond of (because I thought they didn't like me) smiled, names were yelled. There was a lot of screaming. Very tight hugs. It felt fucking great.

The music was almost all 80's and my god it was fucking loud! My throat was sore from the screaming, but the Captain Morgan's helped with that. Often we would stand outside of the ballroom so we could talk without screaming. A few guys and I laughed about how maybe we're just too old for music THIS loud.

A lot of people also said, "I LOVE your facebook updates" or "I LOVE your bl0g- you are so awesome." My response was mostly, "really?" and that's because alot of you bitches don't ever say anything. You know- throw me a comment now and again. My ego doesn't work if you don't stroke it. (insert dirty joke here)

I drank, a lot. I danced a little. Many pictures. A lot of catching up. It was a great night and I hope that some friendships were renewed. My 9th grade boyfriend was there. We joked about how we made out in 9th grade. He had the cool Swatch Watches, and how I cut my lip on his braces on our first kiss. People asked about Mike, and I think I did my best to send his best and explain his health without going on and on about it in a way he would have hated. I laughed with the single guys about how they get to bang younger girls- and how I'd probably do the same if I was single again. You know, the bang younger girls part. What the fuck, right?

Oh there were a lot of stories, a lot of fun things happened, and I can't share them all because it wasn't just MY reunion. If you are reading this, and you have a story to tell, damn, tell it!!
--

I left around 1:30. I swore that I was good enough to drive home. I really thought I was. Once I got HOME I was no longer good enough to drive!! Bad Julie. I'm not making light of it.
Ok, well, maybe I am- but I shouldn't, because I admit it was stupid. I didn't HAVE to drive home. I could have crashed there. I should have done that.

When I woke up the next morning, you'd think that I got more than just drunk, lemme tell you. I woke up in the morning, naked... with a trail from the door to the bedroom. shoes, purse, dress, bra, nylons... All strewn about like I had a 24 year old with me or something. I remember when I got home, I had to pee- so I guess that is what that was all about and I think I was too drunk to get dressed again. When I woke up, my contacts were stuck to my eyes and my eye make up was down my cheek. I look like I got sad clowned.

I was still drunk until about 4AM, and hung over ALL FUCKING DAY. Oh it was a sad state of affairs, but I was glad that many many people were also suffering from the hangover down memory lane. I ran errands, sipped some coffee... and slept. A LOT.

Yeah, I'm too old to drink THAT much. I just can't power down Captain and Coke, and a shot of tequila (thanks Tiffany!) and expect NOT to be begging to throw up later. While I was laying on the bathroom floor, I considered never drinking again.

OK, well I won't get crazy...

Watch out Here I Come....

All I know is that to me

You look like you're lots of fun

Open up your lovin arms

Watch out Here I Come.

So tonight is my 20 year reunion and I admit that I'm excited about it because it should be a fun evening, and I'm sad because Mike isn't coming with me. I really think he would have had a good time and this would be a ncie way to sort of book end our time together.

I will spend a lot of this evening fielding questions about where he is. It will know what it's like for Hillary.

You know, it's not all about Mike, ok??

There are a handful of people that are not going to be there- that I really wish WERE. My BFF Carrie who flat out refused for reasons that I just don't agree with. Hell I'm bigger than she is!!!

But I got my nails done in a fantastic slutty red acrylic, circa 1989. They are trashy-fantastic! Trashtastic! I also went to Lane Bryant yesterday, which is the Holy Grail of Bra's for big girls. She measured me and put me in the RIGHT size bra. I have told my friends that my boobs will arrive 45 seconds before I do.

It should be fun- I admit I'm excited to hang out and party with my friends. I insist that in 2o years, my high school hangups are over. I have a whole new set of them now!!

Almost 20

Next week is my 20 year High School reunion. After the 10, I vowed that I was NOT going to the next reunion. My BFF's didn't show, and I guess I was kind of bored. Maybe 10 years was not enough. Perhaps I just was not in the right place in my life. 10 years ago was a long time.

So here is the 20. Unless something catastrophic happens, we're going. Mike and I met in high school. We know many of the same people. It should be a fun evening.

It's a pricey evening, but I think it should be a fun evening. A handful of the girls I have been talking to on Facebook- even though I didn't talk too much to them IN highschool will be there. I'm excited about that. I plan to buy a new dress, look fantastic, and drink considerable amounts of alcohol.

I'm anxious about it- I admit. I am in a decent place in my life, and really I don't CARE that I'm overweight and I need to color my gray. It is what it is. Social engagements always make me a little anxious. Even when I'm in my element. Even at family parties. I always feel like I'm standing in the wrong place or I'm saying the wrong thing.

Mike isn't sure that he wants to go either- but he's going as my date and we haven't had a nice evening out in a long time. We DID just have an anniversary, after all.

It's funny because I don't really consider myself a shy person. I can speak in front of a group. I can write or talk about adult topics including the location of your g-spot. However, in a group of people, I feel like I'm the one who just doesn't fit. I feel like I don't belong at my own birthday party. I'm not sure why that is, but I am certain that this issue is similar to me being fat.

I notice it way more than others do.

So I'm going in hopes that I have grown up enough not to feel like I don't belong there. I intend to go and have a good time- reminisce and just enjoy myself.

And drink considerable amounts of alcohol.
Don't forget, THAT.

25 things

I know I know... I've done these a few times, but my cousin tagged me and I just never say no to her cause she never asks for anything. I'm gonna do it here on my blog and not Facebook cause I need something to post here anyway and I'm not gonna tag anyone cause if I tagged you, you probably did it already. So here's my 25 things that maybe you did or did not know about me.

1. I cry at movies. A lot. I cried watching Bolt, and today I cried at the end of Rocky II. I cry more over movies and TV shows than I do about real life.

2. When I do cry about real life, I find it really hard to stop and I will cry on and off all day.

3. I still cry about my husband, more often than I care to admit, but he doesn't (and won't) know about it.

4. I starting blogging three years and 4 months ago. The blog was dedicated mostly to my journey in Al-Anon.

5. I have written more than 1500 blog posts between all the blogs I write and write for and there are people who have read every word I've ever written- or at least come very close to it.

6. To my knowledge, my husband has never read anything that I've written nor has he taken an interest in doing so. Probably a good thing because I tend to be seen quite often in various stages of undressed.



7. I was a dancer when I was younger. I've never loved any hobby or pastime more than when I was a dancer- but I stopped after highschool and haven't taken a class or performed since.

8. ...except for my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary.

9. My roots are grounded in my family. They are the hardest ones to turn to when I need them, but I know that they are always there. Always.

(this is my most favorite picture in the entire world)

10. While I am not making enough money to adequately support my family, 95% of the time, I LOVE my job and I LOVE the people that I work with. I finally feel like I'm doing something that matters.


11. I am trusting and forgiving to a fault. If you tell me you're sorry, I will believe you. Even if I should never forgive you, I will- I'm just that way.

12. ...unless you are now or were ever my husband.

13. I didn't want kids when I was a teenager. It wasn't until I dated someone who told me he couldn't have and didn't WANT kids that I even considered it.

14. A boss I had said something to me that quite often helps me make hard decisions. He said, "When you are an old woman and you look back on your life, what do you want to see?"

15. I have had sex with four of my supervisors. (Person from #14 was NOT one of them)

16. How I met my first husband: I gave him a job. Scheduled him to work with me all the time and hit on him the first chance I got. I married him later...


17. The weirdest toy I ever got to review was a big round egg shaped vibe that had these plastic nubby things on it that were kinda pokey. I looks like a blowfish and I was tempted to put eyes on it and throw it in a tank of water.

seriously right???

18. There is rarely an important decision I make in which I don't first consult my best friend Ed, it's been like that since I was about 19.

19. Oh my god, really.... twenty five????

20. I have not decided if I want to go to the 20 year high school reunion.

21. I have realized that I sometimes talk about things in MY world that don't translate the same in YOUR world. For example- me talking about dildo's is about as normal as talking about kitchen appliances or lampshades. I forget that for most people, sex is something they just don't talk about.



22. I have also realized that by letting people know that I am totally open in talking about it, people will open up to me and often feel good about admitting things they think are weird or crazy. Trust me, nothing shocks me.

23. I have a girl friend who I let tie me up with ropes, cause she needs the practice.



(that is a chest harness and a spreader bar)

24. It's 12:30, one more gratuitous picture of me and I'm going to bed.



25. Goodnight.

Half Nekkid Thursdays- I'm all lips and hair.

Ok that SOUNDS way dirtier than it really is. My hair is ALMOST long enough to do that thing where it covers my breasts and I can walk around on a nude beach and have my breasts covered.. almost. And I probably would not walk around on a nude beach anyway. It just isn't ME to do that... well, not totally nude anyway.




So I've gotten some emails from old high school friends and since I upload this to my facebook account, some of them are peeking in and reading my blog here. While I first thought to sensor myself, I have recieved about three emails from people who have said they like my blog, that they relate to my issues, that they think I'm kinda funny and sorta brave for being so 'out there.' I know, the don't know the half of it right? Anyway- so I'm not gonna sensor myself, because I have realized, that while many of us were very different when we were in our individual high school bubbles, we're really not that different now, 20 years later. We all have hang ups about our bodies, our husbands, our kids, our mothers, our asses. It just happens and we are not so different anymore.

Finally.

And while I'm still the trampy one with her bra strap hanging off her shoulder- the other girls don't look at me the way they used to, or at least they way I thought they did.

Thanks girls... I appreciate your sentiments more than you know.

"Accept friend"- wait what??

So I am getting facebook friend requests from people I know lately. It's nice- hey you remember me? Awesome, right?

So I accepted one yesterday- because it was attached to a name I know. But then... wait....
what is that??

Los Al 20 Year Reunion Group.

NOOOOOOOOOO

Crap. Damn. Fuck.

So now I'm in the group- I'm connected with people- did I join a committee. I wasn't even planning on GOING to the 20 year reunion. The 10 was, a waste. None of MY friends showed up- and the girls I was in drill team with didn't talk to me!! I mean, what's the deal with that?? I also spent a good amount of time standing between women who had once had sex with my husband- so you know, there was that.

I'm sure the 20 will be different, but really, HOW different. I'm sure I will end up going alone. Great, so I will stand there completely alone all night. Great. Carrie, if I do this- you are coming with me bitch.

It's bad enough that these people are a few clicks away from seeing my LIFE. It's a good thing that so few of them gave a damn enough about me to bother.