Excuses why I won't work out

Reasons why I will try to talk myself out of going to the gym.

1) I plan on drinking all day.
2) It's too early.
3) It's too late.
4) Mike needs my help with the kids.
5) We promised to take the kids swimming.
6) My knee is hurting and oh.. would you look at that, I'm out of ibuprofen.
7) I'm monitoring Daniels ritalin intake and I can't leave him.
8) I watching the NCIS Marathon and theres one I haven't seen yet.
9) I have nothing to wear and I can't go to the gym looking fat.
10) I'm haven't jerked off in over a week and there's nobody in the house.
11) I finally jerked off and I have to write the review on the toy.
12) I have porn I need to watch.
13) The kids room needs cleaning
14) A tornado is on it's way and we need to take cover.
15) My car is overheating.
16) My sports bra gives me that one big uniboob and I hate that.
17) My shoes do not have backs to them and I'm afraid they will go flying off my feet and it will cause a tragic recumbent bike accident.
18) I have developed a third pimple on my face, creating the bermuda triangle on my face and I'm too embarrassed to go out in public.
19) I have passed out in the grocery store and I'm in the Emergency Room.
20) I am making cookies instead.

Ok so I think now that THAT is out of my system. I have a some good reasons that I must go to the gym.

1) My blood pressure is 'troublesome'. My doctor said that if I'm NOT going to exercise I have to take meds.
2) The meds make my skin break out (see #18 above)
3) The meds kill my sex drive (see #10)
4) Someone my age had a stroke this week.

Yes, I'm going. I will soon have clear skin, a healthy sex drive, and lower blood pressure. Who knows, maybe I'll lose a pound or two while I'm at it.

Only in the morning

I had to take this picture off of my desktop.















It's been on my desktop for about a month now, and I have been having dreams about Brad Pitt. Several nights now I have woken up feeling a sense of loss that I don't really know Brad, who I am apparently very close to in my dreams.

In my first dream, we were a bit of an item, although there was no sex in my dream. Just me, bragging about how fantastic it was. There were others, all with him in them, he and I hanging out, being friends, talking, laughing, shooting pool. Yes, I was shooting pool in my dreams with Brad Pitt. We would lay around in my bedroom eating and drinking coffee. Nothing sexual (other than the first dream when I simply talked about it), just me and Brad, hanging out. He was my best friend, Brad, we shared all sorts of private 'best friend' things. He liked chocolate cupcakes and computers and was learning HTML for fun.

Last night, we were in my room. Hanging out in my bedroom- just chillin' and listening to music. Me and Brad. He was talking about his kids, and Angie (yes, he called her Angie in my dream) and how amazing she was and how much I would like her when I finally meet her. We were friends. Me and Brad. Friends. I woke up this morning, feeling almost sad that I WASN'T friends with him because I was clearly so happy having such a good and close friend in Brad.

But this has to stop. I logged into my computer this morning, and saw his picture on my desktop. I replaced his picture with a picture of Danny. I had to.

I don't KNOW Brad. Chances are, I will never MEET BRAD. Even if I did, the chances of him ever hanging out on my bed drinking coffee and talking about his babies are about the same as.... well- him hanging out with me at all. So while I appreciate dreaming about Brad, and having him hang out and spend time with me several nights this month, it has to stop because I wake up and feel sad that it was just a dream.

A girl can only take so much heartache.

Games we play

A friend called me today and was in a 'situation' with her "new guy." Not a boyfriend, but a new guy she's been dating. It's been a month.

Last week he didn't call when he said he would. Days went by and then when they did connect again- he asked to see her and he said he'd call and they would make plans. To me, this seems like no big deal.

Her friends gave her the barrage of advice.

Dump him.
Don't pick up, or return his call for a few days.
Be busy when he asks you out.

Up until now, he has not done anything that seems 'shifty'. He doesn't seem like a game player. He told her when they met that he is looking for a relationship. He wants to settle down, get married, have kids. He's educated, gainfully employed and doesn't seem to have any weird attachments to his mother.

But because he did not call when he said he would- he's full of it. He's a player. He's a liar. He's unworthy. Man, have our standards gotten out of control?? How can we expect a man to everything we want, and nothing we don't.

I don't claim to know a lot about men- but I have learned a thing or two. One thing I know is that men do NOT spend as much time thinking about every aspect of a relationship (new OR old) as women do. Men do not freak out if we don't call when we say we will. They might wonder about it. They might consider the reasons. They may even make a decision on the future of the relationship. But the do not spend a LOT of time thinking about it. They don't tell call 3-5 friends. They don't talk to thier co-workers about it. They don't ask for 'advice'.

I don't say this because I think men are shallow, thoughtless, loveless creatures. I say it, simply because in my experience- it's true. And why?



Cause they are men. They just don't think they way we do. They don't analyze the fuck out of everything. In the beginning of a relationship, ff they have reached for our hand, it's because they want to hold it. If we reach for their hand, it's because we want to know if they will pull away. We want to know if they will show public displays of affection. We will wonder how long he will hold it. Will he squeeze it or just lay it inside ours. Will he hold our hand or will he let us hold his hand. And if he lets go unexpectedly, we will wonder why? If he lets go, chances are he is going to reach for something, or he is worrying about his hands starting to sweat.

I've learned that just because a man doesn't REACT, doesn't mean he doesn't feel. Just because he doesn't CAVE when we cry, doesn't mean he WANTS us to cry. Just because he doesn't call when he says he will, doesn't mean he doesn't want to see us again.

Why, when we think we are being played, we have to 'play' back? Why do we play these games? What is the purpose of pretending we are not available, not interested, not at home?? I understand the importance in not being a needy doormat, but what is to gain from having to 'play the game' in order to get the man you want? My friend is now supposed to pretend to be someone she's not, deny feelings she feels, and pretend she doesn't want to spend time with someone that she really does want to spend time with.

I tried to be the friend who keeps her OFF the ceiling. I suggested she choose NOT to believe he's a game player. I suggested she chill out and give him the benefit of the doubt that his reason for not calling was legit. I suggested that she remember that he's human, he's not perfect, and he doesn't think, react, or respond like a woman.

He's a man- accept that he will occasionally act like one.

Toxic Shock Syndrome...Isle 9.

Contrary to some of my past actions, I try to be a pretty smart spender. When I have very little money I can make it last a long time, when I have a lot- it flies out the window like cocaine out of the roof of a limosine.

I am not stuck on brand name things in general. There are a few things that I really do like brand names of, like peanut butter, dish soap and hair care products. Even those preferences are loose and I am not stuck on one brand, but I don't usually buy the cheapest dish soap or generic peanut butter. I do buy generic medicine, even acetaminophen or ibuprofen. I do realize that the name brands ARE a little better, but the generics work just fine- fine enough.

But today I think I crossed the line. I was at Walmart today getting diapers and some juice and I had to buy tampons. It's almost that time again, and I almost ALWAYS forget to put some in my purse, even though I know it's going to start "any minute now." Or I forget to buy some and I have to make a mad run to Sav On in the middle of the day. So I was at Walmart and they did not have my usual brand. Kotex.

Let me sidebar. When I was growing up, Kotex was a go to word for "pad." Like Kleenex, and Xerox, but in a much less pleasant way. When I became a teenager and decided to make the switch, I used Tampax. That was what all the girls were using, and it was fine enough. Playtex, I don't know, they were the red headed step kid of the pack. OB, well, you had to be brave for that.

I have tried them all really over the years. All the different applicators, no applicator. The Instead Cup - that was nasty. I had no real preference, and almost every month I would be bleeding and for lack of a "something."
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"Something" is the universal term for feminine product. "Do you have 'something'?" That is all that needs to be said. Am I right ladies?? The conversations usually go like this:

"Hey Jen, do you have something?"

"Umm, I do, but I use pads. Ask Jenny, she's on right not too."

fast walk to Jenny, asking why anyone still only uses pads.

"Hey Jenny, do you have something?"

"I do!" and she reaches in her bag and hands me a nice pearly white package, but the writing is yellow. Slender Regular size.

Ok- I am not cavernous- but I am not a 12 year old girl either. Who the hell uses Slender Regular?? I may was well roll up a cotton square and shove it up my twat. But ok, note to self, do not ask Jenny, she has a twat like a 12 year old girl.

So I asked Patti- because like I said, I ALWAYS forget to put them in my purse, and she handed me a Kotex Tampon, size-Super. Way to go Patti. And I have used them ever since.
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Ok, back to the store. So Walmart DID have Kotex brand, but not the right size. Not the grown up, "I've had a child" size. So I looked at what they did have, because again, I am not so stuck on the brand that I will go to another store. Tampax, Playtex, all regular size. The women are stocking up. We, apparently, are all bleeding this week. So I looked at the Walmart brand. Equate. hmmmm. One box says "Compare to Tampax" the other box says "Compare to Kotex." It was the size box I usually buy. The right size. And $2 cheaper.

I tossed it around in my head. Generic tampons? How cheap am I?? I am not on my period RIGHT NOW- surely I can stop by Target tomorrow. But.... I'm here now. I hate having to shop. And it's $2 cheaper. It wouldn't hurt to try it. I certainly hope not.

So I bought them. I fear that I may have built a crawl space under my lowest of lows.