I'm over it, and there's not much else to tell.
My husband is gone to a place where in 30 days he'll be on a better road to his recovery, but my only hope is that he will be on a road to anywhere but my apartment. I can't do it anymore- and I can't seem to find any good and justifiable reason why I should want to.
The fact that he takes decent care of the kids is not a good reason. He's supposed to take care of the kids. You don't get special points for showing up. Not even HE gets special points for that. And sure he does help me. When I'm sick, he brings me medicine. He sometimes carries me to my room and changes my clothes before he goes to sleep on the couch. He makes a damn good sandwich, and I almost always have coffee ready when I get up in the morning. Well, if I fall asleep on the couch now, I can stay there. I'm perfectly fine with a sandwich that tastes good- but isn't "damn good."
And I bought myself a coffee maker with an automatic timer.
It's a start.