My marriage is over. This is clear in every way. Now, it's just him still living in my house- we co-parent and sit down and have dinner together a few nights a week. We alternate nights on the couch and play relief pitcher when the kids are sick. He is, as always, dragging his feet on getting things together to move out. Dealing with some court issues is the biggest obstacle and he has yet to handle that.
I worry, not that he won't leave on his own accord, because chances are that he won't. That I am going to need to allow things to get ugly between us. He is aware that there is 'someone new' although we don't discuss any details and he pretends not to notice me leaving taking 23 minutes to get the mail with my phone.
"I'm not stupid Julie. I know. I just... it doesn't matter."
"I know Michael. I never said you were stupid."
"Well, I'm not. I know."
"OK- well then we don't have to talk about it."
This is how it came to light. He can ignore it all he wants, but he knows there is something/ someone/ somewhere. We agreed before that I would wait until he was out of the house- but that was two years ago- when he agreed to leave and never did.
We had also agreed that I would only file a legal separation so he could stay on my insurance for two years. Again. That was two years ago.
So regardless of his location, I'm moving on with my life. I've no other choice. I am not leaving him out on the streets. He's still cared for. His health requires that he has specific daily needs that someone else must provide for him. He can't do it alone and there really isn't anyone else who can do it. I don't know. He needs to get things handled though because I can't do it forever, and won't do it for much longer. I have an end point now. The divorce is in motion, barring all other complications, it will be over by the end of August. The lease will be up here- and if I have to, I'll move.
This, boys and girls, is why enabling is bad. Why co-dependency is just as awful a disease as addiction to drugs or alcohol. For some of us, it never ends until things get desperate. Until the bottom has been hit.
Welcome to the bottom. Pull up a chair.
