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Using my 40's as a do-over for my thirties, only smarter. I often mistake the bees and honey reference with the one about free milk and a cow. This might explain my whole life.

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Hot Nekkid Thursday



Well, it WAS hot for a few days. Sunday it was 100 degrees here, but today it barely hit 70. Strange weather for California- it rained two weeks ago.

This is the new swimsuit I bought for the summer though. It's a two piece, but the top is longer and flowey and covers what I want covered. I love it.

Hows the weather where you're at?? Is it hot enough to get Half Nekkid??

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

The sexy side of public health.

Woo hoo woo hoo.....

Graduation in under thirty days people. Under 30!!

I an picking up my cap and gown next week but I'm not trying it on until the day of graduation. Well I may have to to make sure of the size, but other than that. I won't be. The day of graduation I may take half naked pictures in it. I am not sure if I will post them here or the other blog.

Grad school starts on June 3rd.

My New York Trip is on June 19th. Got a hotel, got a flight. Need money.
If you want to send me some, you can paypal it to me at fancystampin (at) yahoo. You know, $8 for a drink. I'm told there are not a lot of good strip bars in NY, bummer. I was curious. I also plan to get a tattoo while I'm there.

I'm just sayin- if you are so inclined to send a gift. Or you can click on the Adam and Eve link and buy some sex toys cause that money is all going to New York. (I've made about $200 so far). I'm so loving the sex toy reviewer job. I mean, if there was a way I could do that full time. Well, I certainly would not have time to blog about it. I've been doing it about three months now.

Maybe I need to go into some sort of sex-work job. You know, go to work for the companies that make these things. It's public health- ish. Right?
Am I reaching? Wishful thinking??

The athiest says I should try to find hobbies that are not related to sex.



But this one makes me money??

And.... why??

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Right from Satan's taint

Ok- Transformers are straight from the Devil. Those fuckers are just evil. Pure evil.

The kids have 4 of them.

Optimus Prime
Ratchet
Jazz
and Cliffjumper.

Remember the old school Transformer toys? The head goes down, a few flips and clicks of the door, the body spins and viola! Yeah, no more.

The fuckers at Hasbro seemed to have contracted with NASA to make the most ridiculously intricate moving parts in order to make the parents of 5 year olds feel like complete fucking incompetent assholes. I have, on more than one occasion, tossed Ratchet and the newly acquired Cliffjumper (or as I like to call it "The Widowmaker") aside like a Rubix cube, my head down in shame.

"Mommy can't figure it out right now. I'm too tired."

I found this site for those of you who enjoy this kind of pain.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

I'm reminded of small miracles



I remember feeling this way.

Today I'm grateful those days are behind me.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Senioritis HNT

Current location: Sitting in Class
Current activity: Blogging

From wiki:

Senioritis: though typically perceived as a high school ailment, can also be found in college seniors. The typical causes of this may be burnout, or the obtainment of job offer letters. Having received a job offer letter, concerns about college GPA generally decrease and a sense of apathy in schoolwork can develop, especially since often the offer is contingent only upon completion of the degree and not one's final GPA. The same can also be true in the transition from undergraduate to graduate school.

Yeah... sounds right.

Happy HNT. This is where I was last night, and where I plan on being tonight....
Under the sheets and naked.







Happy Half Naked Thursday. I will be there soon.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Look deeper, it's not very funny

I jacked this link from The Athiest.

Hey, when I tell him that I like Pizza Hut pizza, and he sighs, rolls his eyes and says, "Oh Jesus!"- who is he talking to??

ha ha. Ok So anyway, I stole this link from him.

Garfield minus Garfield.

Wow, Jon has some serious issues. Perhaps that fat cat we all love is just the figment of the imagination of a very very sad man.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

The $125 dildo

I shipped something out Fed Ex on Friday. I sent a friend a dildo, I'm a good friend. She lives across country, and didn't have one. I make 20% commission on the ones I sell, and it was on sale, so I sent it. Overnight, Saturday delivery. I know that I used to send UPS via 2 day delivery and it used to cost me like $17. I figured it would cost about $25.

Today I checked my bank statement.

O M G.

Yeah, it cost me $81 to ship that mother fucker!! The damn dildo is only worth like $45. It's my own fault. I could have sent it two day delivery, or even ground- which is only like 4 days. but nooooo, I wanted to do it overnight. No big deal- how bad could it be right??

yeah wrong.

I am laughing though, because that shit only happens to me. I mean, what a boneheaded move. I guess I have to be grateful that while $80 is a dent, it's not my last $80 and at leaner times, if easily could have been!!

It's a good thing that I MADE $75 in my sex toy sales last month, so you know, it's kind of a wash, I guess.

I emailed me friend, telling her about the cost of the shipping- I probably should not have cause I don't want to make her feel bad. It's my own fault, I know that. I'm a douchebag. Never put your credit card number on anything without checking the price.

Looo-ser!!!

Saturday, April 19, 2008

uh, yeah, uh, longbeach in tha house

I got out of the house today for a few hours. Me and the two young beasties went to the Long Beach Marina. My thought was to go to the aquarium but the Grand Prix is in town and there's just no telling that the traffic will be like. We went to the Marina for a bit to look at the boats and walk about.











yeah, That's riight
west coast, west coast
uh, California Love
California Love

In the thirties!!!

Can you see that I am now in my thirties on my counter thing up there. Thirty nine days till graduation!! Woo hoo!!!

Can you understand why I feel like this video?? Flipped and spun and totally awesome!!





When you die, nothing happens...

I don't usually get into too much talk about religion, but lately it has been somewhat on my mind. I met a guy who is an athiest. I had to look up the difference between athiest and agnostic. I think I'd prefer to say I was agnostic, claiming that I could not confirm not deny the existence of God. You know, walk the fence, so you're covered. I think it's an interesting comment to state that you are an athiest. I tried to delve a little deeper and ask if he had ever looked, you know, for a higher power. Did research, read books, something... anything. It just seems like before you decided that there was no God, you would go ahead and make sure. He said that they never really looked for it, and that it was childish and irrational.

I decided then and there to stop the conversation because it was clear he did not want to talk about it. I don't think that looking for the existence of a high power is not childish OR irrational, but I took it as a sign of, I don't want to talk about it. Perhaps lots of bad things have happened to make him think there is no God.

While I don't consider myself a religious person, I am spiritual to a sense. I do believe in God and I guess I simply don't get too much deeper into the meaning of that- because it's too much to wrap my head around. Perhaps it is albeit on a much larger scale, the same way that children believe in Santa. They are told about it. It makes them feel good, and they wake up and there is proof of him in the form of presents, eaten cookies, and such. My belief in God is probably very different than the next person. God, as I understand him. (Spoken like a true 12-stepper.)

Yesterday in the hospital I heard someone saying, "I think the doctors don't know what they are doing. God didn't create sickness, and if I believe in God, then that means I don't believe in what the doctor said cause it's not from God."

Yeah.... I was following her for a the first 5 or six words, and then I just wanted to say, "Hi... excuse me. You DO know that you are on the oncology floor right?" No, God did not create cancer- but he also did not create the automobile, or smog, or cheesecake (although that is debatable). I did not bother to respond to her comment, or the fact that someone was listening intently and shaking his head in agreement.

God, as I was told, created the heavens and the earth. Adam and Eve. I think the rest was up to us. That includes sickness, cancer, and cheesecake.

Do I believe that God has a plan for me? I sure hope so. Sometimes I think He intervenes, simply by a tap on my shoulder, sometimes a nagging feeling that I should make a phone call, or just in the way that I can be occasionally compassionate to the e-husband after everything that has befallen us. Sometimes I think he sits back and watches me spin my wheels. I don't thinks I'm supposed to know what the plan is, I think that spoils His fun.

It's ok that my friend does not believe in God. I do, and I think He will watch over my friend, regardless of he believes in Him or not.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

restless

The e-husband checked into the hospital today. A few days on IV fluids and he will be back to his normal usually unwell self. I don't know what the reason for the sudden burst of 'feeling good' was about. I foolishly thought it was the ginseng tea, but maybe it was just an overdose of pain meds, or good luck. Either way, it didn't last. I called him today and he didn't want to talk. sigh...

I don't want to whine about it, cause I am sort of back to the emotionally closed off, Julie, who is wondering if I should have ASKED him what was going on the past few days and if he needed any help. I'm also thinking that it will be nice to have a few days on my own here.

This blog is getting old, I've decided. After graduation, I think I'm going to tank it. I can use my myspace blog for the every day stuff, and utilize the blog that people actually READ for my daily rantings. I don't know, I need a change and I'm not getting a hair cut. Thbse of you who come around only for HNT are probably not reading this ANYWAY- so you won't know the difference. The ones that read me on a regular basis are not my "adult" readers and are all on myspace. So I can eliminate this blog pretty easily. But I think I will hang on to the URL, cause I like it.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

10 days- HNT



The e-husband snapped a few pics over the weekend. He was feeling pretty good for about 10 days. It's over now, and he's sick again, back in bed. sigh. I never realize how much I miss having a him around until he is good for a brief spell and then he's gone again. The first few days are hard. Every things just feels harder and I feel more lonely than usual. I take advantage of the days when I have them though and wait patiently for them to return.
Happy HNT. Here's hoping you have at least 10 good days with one you love. By the way, he did come over after this picture and grab onto what you see in the click-thru.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

family matters

First, Friday was fantastic. The review went really great and while we won't have the official letter for 4-6 weeks, we did pass it and we are a certified stroke center. Kick ass. The surveyor told us that we had a great program and it was fantastic for me to know that I am a part of something good.
--
The saga regarding my brother in law who passed has gotten worse. My neice and nephew are in foster care. My sister in law is in trouble again, and the kids were going to school unkempt and dirty. DSS stepped in and the kids were taken into thier custody. The boy (age 9) is currently with an aunt, and the girl (age 6) has been processed and is with a foster family. I don't know what can be done. I am going to make a call and find out what might be necessary to have her stay with us. I cannot stand to think of that sweet girl in foster care. The boy has some mental issues that I know even his aunt is unable to deal with. I am told that his counselor is going to be taking temporary custody of him. It's a fucking nightmare, I tell you, and at the very least we are going to get some visitations so she can come and visit us and her cousins and the people who love her. I am SO angry at my SIL, but I also understand that drugs DO this to people. It's tragic and sad and infuriating. It's also such a nasty disease, because not a single person in thier right mind would do the things that she has done to cause this to happen to her children.

I am not sure what we could get temporary custody of her because I don't have the room for her. I have a two bedroom apartment and all boys in it. I don't know what the criteria is but I am going to find out. I have to at least try. I would do it for any of my neices or nephews and while I know it sounds insane to even consider for a second taking on another child, I have to at least find out what I can do for her, even if it's just picking her up a few times a week and taking her to the park with the boys. She's just a little girl, a beautiful sweet six year old girl who does not deserve to have the spirit taken away from her like this. Her father just died, he brother attacked her the night it happened, and now her mother is 'out there' and she has been taken away from her too. Perhaps if she is placed with a good and loving family... she will have a better life that she might have otherwise. I have heard of people who have had good foster care experiences. I'm sure that there are lots of good stories. Lots of good people who want to take care of children. I pray that Maddie is with one of those families.

If you have any information on DSS and any of this- please share it with me.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Ar-tic-u-late

Tomorrow is the big Joint Commission survey for work. What we've worked for for two years. It starts at 9 and one woman is going to walk our hospital, look at our processes for stroke patients and spend a good portion of the day crawling up my data. 1200 patients, over two years and 95% of that data was collected by me. She is going to come in, look at my work and hopefully not tell me "YOU DID IT ALL WRONG!"

This is a huge day for the hospital, for my department, and really the future of my career in health care. Hopefully getting our certification as a Primary Stroke Center will be a good selling point when my boss present a new job description for me to get a big raise. It will put me in a position to be SEEN at work, as someone who was very instrumental in getting our certification. Big wig people will be at the evaluation, and certain questions will be turfed directly to me. I have to be able to speak with authority. I admit that is not my strong suit.

It is not that I don't KNOW the information, I know it, I understand it. Sometimes I just struggle to articulate it and I open my mouth and out comes the word vomit. blech blech blech.

I have copies of the presentations that will be given so I have an idea of what questions she will ask. I have to remind myself that I KNOW this stuff. I know the data, I know the measures, I know the protocols. I know my stroke data.

I just gotta prove it and not sound like a fucking idiot in the process.
Wish me luck.

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Get Some HNT

Hey... ya wanna do it??

This was the question I asked the e-husband right after he took this picture. What do you think he said?



Happy Half Nekkid Thursday.

Monday, April 07, 2008

TMI Tuesday

1. Your boyfriend/girlfriend cheats on you with your best friend, who are you (more) mad at?
Probably my best friend, and I will forgive her first also. I would probably forgive the boyfriend eventually also. I am just like that.


2. Is there something someone could say to you that would cross a boundary of not being able to take back or forgive them?

You would think so, but then again, I tend to be the forgiving to a fault. I just don't STAY angry even when I should.


3. What non-sexual body part do you find the sexiest?

I love a guy with thick wrists. Mmmmm


4. Would you ever consider cosmetic surgery to have the perfect body?
I think if I had THAT much plastic surgery, I would not look perfect, I would look like Frankenstein. But in my dreams I look just like Jessica Alba.



5. Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex?
Yeah, kissing girls is cool. They are soft and stuff.


Bonus (as in optional): If you were going to have a one night stand, who would you rather it be with- an ex or someone totally random you just met.

Someone I just met. I've already HAD sex with my exes. It's not strange, if it's not a stranger!!!

Sunday, April 06, 2008

in my dreams

I had the craziest dream last night. Crazy because it was sexual and great, but with an ex that is so far removed from my sexual radar I am not sure what to think. It's like having a dream about having sex with someone you've NEVER thought about having sex with before. I am not even sure where it came from, not just left field, but an entirely different SPORT!!

So all of a sudden, the boyfriend I had for like 4 years before I met my FIRST husband was standing outside of my office because his grandfather was a patient and had died. Oh my god, and I hugged him and all that comforting stuff. And then- flash -we are someplace else, a big room, that I've never been in before and we are sitting really close and he's coming in closer to kiss me. I am drawn to kiss him, although I don't remember if I did or didn't enjoy kissing him. I'm sure I did, we always remember it when it's BAD and the physical stuff between us was always good. So we are kissing and he's touching me. His hands on my skin and his mouth on my lips and my neck. He's holding me really close and I am feeling overwhelmed by it. He tells me that he wishes he had married me and that it's not too late for us.

Ok. WTF?
no
WHAT THE FUCK?!!!

So I pull back and say to him, Are you out of your mind?!?!

Of course in my dream I had sex with him, cause you know it's still me- and he was the guy that I found my g-spot with, so you know... well, yeah.

Besides, if I can't get laid in my dreams, well then where can I?

It's so weird. I mean, am I so starving for that kind of attention that I will reach back in to the depths of my relationship hell and pull out the only relationship that has come full circle?? I mean, this guy and I dated, and I put him through hell, and he paid me back nicely for it by emotionally abusing me for twice the time that I cheated on him for. Then years later we talked and he apologized for his behavior and we have been on again off again friends who have come around in a nice way- both having learned from our mistakes.

So why then, would I have this crazy ass dream about him. It makes no sense what so ever!! It makes me wonder just how desperate I am for real affection. Whatever that is!!

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Half Nekkidness Ensues




Pretend for me
That Im someone in your life

Pretend for me
Even only for a while
- Julie by David Bowie

Tuesday, April 01, 2008