Half Nekkid Graduate.

So that's it. I'm done.
Yes, it feels as good as I was hoping.
It is such a huge relief and sense of accomplishment for me.





Happy Half Nekkid Thursday. Congratulations to my classmates.
Happy Summer to everyone.

And for those of you who never made the connection before... yes... I am her. surprised???

TMI Tuesday

1. What lines have you used to let someone down gently.
I'm sorry- I am just not over my divorce... (yeah I was over my divorce before I even FILED for it.)

2. If I gave you $10K to waste, what would you buy.
I would plan a longer trip in NY. I'd go to London. I'd get laser eye surgery, a boob lift and veneers or whatever makes your teeth instantly perfect.

3. If I gave you $10K, but you had to spend it all on someone else, what would you buy.
I'd put a lot away for the kids for later. I couldn't waste 10K of thier money. My mom once invested the savings from us kids (at my step dads encouragement), and lost it all. She worked two jobs for YEARS to pay it all back to us. She said she never felt worse. I would put money away for the boys that would earn interest so they could get a car when they graduated from high school. That's what we got.

4. If your partner brought a double dildo to bed, you'd be ____________?
Laughing. "That's ok honey. I already have one here."

5. What sounds to you make during sex.
No shocker here. I am pretty loud and I say, "fuck" a lot.

Bonus (as in optional): Tell your worst break up story.
Worst, or maybe best. It was Christmas morning sometime in the early 90's, and Bob and I had just exchanged gifts. We had been sort of 'going through the motions' for a while. He was a nice guy, I liked him- but it was just not working and truth be told, I was already seeing someone else. So anyway- we exchange gifts, we had sex. Post coitus, I am still on top of him and I looked at him and said, "Baby I just don't think I like you anymore."

Silver lining

The only flower growing in my apartment complex is growing in front of my apartment.

Check me out- I'm all brilliant and stuff

So I bought this URL.

www.juliedoyaloveme.com

It was available after all the time, so I suspect that Bobby Sherman won't mind. Google will redirect from the blogspot address to the new one for a while, but you know, update your links and stuff too.

It may take a few days and there may be some gliches- but I doubt it.

I also bought another URL for the other site but that one will take longer to put together since there is more involved and I didn't use blogger for it.

Not sure if I will change much here really- but for a $10 domain for a year, well, what does it hurt right?? There may be some format changes- who the fuck knows??




Aside from the domains I bought this weekend, I also bought new white lacey panties. score.

It's 8AM, do you know where my coffee is??

http://view.break.com/276833 - Watch more free videos

I found this on a different blog and it make me laugh. I wonder though, if this is what Alex thinks about sex. I don't know how much porn he watches, hopefully none- but then again- it won't be long, I'm sure. At least if he's looking for links, I can send him to some good ones.

I hope everyone is having a nice relaxing day. I have to go and press my gown today. What did I do this weekend? A lot of thinking, reflecting and planning. Last night there was sex.

At least I had sex....

Sex with partner would have been optimal- but lets just say it didn't happen that way. I am a pretty understanding girl. I understand that he's got issues with his health- I get it when he's too tired or overmedicated, which is a lot. I don't ask for sex much anymore, almost never- and when he seems too tired and he offers it- I hate to say, "um- I'll pass!" cause that's just rude and sometimes it works out. I don't know how this happens, and it's hilarious and sad and I've done this sort of thing- but I was insanely drunk.... so here goes- your best laugh of the day.

If that man falls asleep with his face in my pussy again, I will seriously snap his neck killing him dead. Really really dead. Quick and ninja stealthlike, I'm sure there's a way to do it. I will research the ways. I'm a big girl, I have strong thighs. I can do it.

If you see me on the news, being arrested because I have broken his neck and he's dead- well, don't fret. No jury will convict me. Assuming ya'll don't try to get our of jury duty.

Oh yea.... so after I woke him and kicked him out of bed. I finished with this...

VERY LOUDLY

While I know he could hear me on the patio while he was smoking.
Serves him right!!

My favorite American Idol Finale Moments.

Some of my favorite Idol moments from Tuesday.

Guitar Hero



I love watching David Cook's version of this. You can tell he plays the guitar- and that he has SEEN the movie. That he wore the briefs- cause you know- you GOTTA rock the briefs with this.
Archie?? Well I get this very creepy, "pedophilic" feeling watching him. And he's in boxers, whatever, and you can tell he does NOT play guitar. Does his dad even let him PAY Guitar Hero??

The Letter



I really look forward to what both of these two have in store. I also found this on YouTube from the Ellen show. One. Amazing. I can't wait to see these guys on tour. Michael Johns was the other guy I voted for all season.

Last Name



Wow, didn't she look great??

George Michael montage, and GEORGE MICHAEL



Michael John's singing the first verse and David Cook singing the last verse of Father Figure is a panty dropper for me, baby. And you know, I love George Michael. He sounded a bit "unlike him" but still- true love lasts forever. This is one of my all time favorite songs- ever.

The Win.

Yeah- we've all seen it. I admit it- I screamed, and then I cried.




It's hard for me to say exactly what it is about this guy that has struck such a chord in me, perhaps it was his songs, perhaps it was the fact that his voice sort of settles into the back of my spine the way very few singers do. Perhaps it's that he seems like a genuinely humble and grateful guy. Maybe it's just the bartender thing. I pray he's not an addict of sorts, because if he was, well then there would be no question why I like him. Either way, I can't wait to see him on the Idol Tour. And yes, I'm going. July 7th.

No more Ms. Niceguy

The e-husband has a car. It's a 94 Thunderbird. It's been a decent car since we've had it.
Nobody drives it though- because the e-husband is, on MOST DAYS- not well enough to drive. The belt is funky. I think it's installed WRONG, so it slips off- or it wears quickly- rendering the car nonoperable. As far as I know, there isn't anything else wrong with it- and really I don't care. I pay the insurance on it every month- and the registration- and all the damn parking tickets he gets and doesn't tell me about.

It's another source of contention.

We were going to sell it in December, but the guy backed out. Actually, he got fired. So anyway- my neighbor has been asking about it. I have let the e-husband handle it, but really, he's not handling it. He doesn't handle things well, if ever. So the neighbor asked me today what I wanted for it.

I said, "Well he wants $1300- and we can fix the belt and all that- but really- I say $1000 as is and we just be done with the fucking thing." That's how I feel. I just want out from under it. I don't feel good about him driving. I will still have to pay the $40 registration and $140 in tickets that are on it. I may tell see if my neighbor will be willing to pay for the smog, I will pay for the registration and give him my parking sticker (a coveted item here). $1000 and it's done and over with.

I know he will be mad for me making a deal without him- but you know, fuck it. I am sick of paying for the insurance- the registrations, and worrying about him driving. He really should not be driving. And it's MY car. It's registered to me. It's insured to me. Really he can't say much about it. I try not to be that person, that bitch who says, "Too bad for you, a-hole." But you know- he knows that it's a losing battle to argue with the person who holds all the cards.

When we talked about it last week, the e-husband said, "So we are going to sell my car so you can go to New York?" I stared at him for about 10 seconds and calmly said, "No- we are going to sell MY car, so I can pay the bills on my own while I use my PAYCHECK to go to New York."

Are you fucking kidding me??

I'm done

Anxiety, worry, care, concern, solicitude. These nouns refer to troubled states of mind.

Does that really say 5 days?? Holy shit.

I find myself somewhat frozen with fear. I can't explain it. It's like I have planned for a very long time to scale a mountain- and I'm just below the summit. I can see it and suddenly I have to pee and I wonder if I should go back so I don't pee my pants and ruin my new boots.

For those of you who know me, you knew this moment of dread was coming for me. Where is the other shoe and how much noise is it going to make when it drops?? What is standing in the way of me finishing is one essay question that I can't even get wrong because it's ethics and there is no right or wrong. It's taken me two weeks to finish two questions. I did one last night at 2AM It's due tonight. Why am I waiting to finish it?

The e-husband said, "Just get it done. Finish it for fucks sake. What are you afraid of?"

nothing. and everything.

People are asking- so what are you going to do now?

DO? I have to DO something?? Suddenly I am thrust into this "now that you are all grow'ed up- what do you want to be?" scenario. My brother is looking up government/ better paying jobs for me. My boss wants me to present things at meetings. My kids want me to plan summer vacations. The e-husband wants quality time. Me? I just want to run away. I want to scream, "Ok- I did it. Life- get better ok?" Mr. Better Days show up and bring Mr. Career Opportunity with you ok, my dues- they are paid. I have receipts. I've been hitting the Xanax for the past three days- and a few hits of something else. My anxiety and blood pressure is up and I hate this about myself.

Just spaz down right? Be happy. Be proud of yourself. Stop being such a god damn mother fucking drama queen and "sit down and chill the fuck out" (as sung by D-man in his song, "Used to be a punk rocker, but now you're just a dick").

Why do I feel like life is just about to get harder?? What the fuck is the matter with me? Where did I pick up this bill of sale for "damaged goods" that comes with the added benefit of feeling as if the thought of life getting easier is just asking for trouble?

Captain Xanax? Captain Xanax to home base? Come in, Captain.

Half Nekkid Finals

One more week. One more paper. One more test. I'm so over this.

I think I should be able to just pay money and bypass my finals, don't you think??

They don't call me a bitch for nothing!!

There are moments in peoples lives that deserve recognition. There are times when people truly need to be acknowledged for their accomplishments or have people share in their joy. When you are a friend, you need to know what these moments are- and show up for them. Suit up and show up- no excuses.

My friend Jennifer is getting married. She and I worked together for many years and have remains friends since I have moved on. More email and text message friends, but still friends. I have been planning to go to this wedding. No reason not to go to this wedding. I'm so thrilled for her wedding. Her fiance is a great guy- she's a great girl. I have every reason to believe this will be a marriage that sticks. Her wedding is coming up- the weekend before my graduation. For this reason, I did not invite her to my graduation, cause she'll be out of town. Makes sense.

This morning, I called my friend, Christine, my date, to confirm that she was going to come with me to the wedding.

Christine called me back and informed me that the wedding... was yesterday. Um.... no it wasn't, it's next weekend.

Christine reminded me that she and Jennifer work together- and she is certain that the wedding, was yesterday.

Oh shit.
Holy shit.

Fuckity fuck fuck fuck.

I looked at my calendar. Jen's wedding May 24th. I looked at the invitation.

May 17th!!

WHAT THE HELL! How did I get this wrong? I spoke to her a few weeks ago. She sent me a SECOND invite with directions cause I told her I could not find the first one. I have her picture on my fridge. I have a babysitter scheduled for the 24th!! Is it possible that I have fucked this is up so completely and proved to be the biggest ASSHOLE friend I can possibly be?

Not only is it possible, it's true.

FUCK CRAP SHIT DAMN IT!!!!

Christine tried to tell me that I've got alot going on, with graduation and finals and all that. However, I don't buy that. I fucked up. I didn't play close enough attention. There's no good excuse. Only one really shitty one. I got the date wrong. It's not even an excuse, it's a lousy explanation.

Suit up and show up. Follow through and be the kind of person who does what she says she's gonna do. Really, it's not that hard. There's no excuse. I'm so sorry Jen. I understand if you are angry with me. I deserve it.

But I really really am sorry.

Three drinks later.... happy HNT

I look pretty good after a few drinks.

In honor of this weeks theme, I had three. Don't you think I look pretty??

Two weeks.

Two weeks people. Graduation in two weeks. It so surreal I want to throw up.

A few things have changed. I'm putting off grad school until September. It wasn't a choice really, just the way certain things have to happen. I've also decided to stay in my current major which is Health Care Adminsitration INSTEAD of public health. NOT that I'm not interested in public health, but I think I'm more passionate about patient care and what I'm doing now, and I think a Masters in Health Care Administration will be more in line with where my experience is building. It seems smarter to work my experience, and experience my work- you know??

So I will have three months off of school and while I suspect I'm going to get bored around mid July- I think I'll survive it.

Tomorrow I'm going to pick up my cap and gown. I have 1 final exam next wednesday and 3 papers and a professional portfolio to put together by Monday.

Hey, can you see that?? At the end of the tunnel. RIGHT THERE!!!

IT'S THE FUCKING LIGHT!!!!

the strangest thing is happening on my way to work

I'm getting there early....

I noticed it last week while on my way to work. I could not text because I was driving too fast. (Yes, I SAID that). I made a phone call instead of sending the text and said, "It's tuesday right? Because I'm driving fast enough for it to be a Saturday!" I looked ahead and there was no traffic. I mean- not a lot of cars going at a good speed, but like 15 cars, where I normally see 100.

Yes, it was in fact Tuesday- at 8:10 AM. I thought maybe it was a weird fluke. However I have noticed every day that I am getting to work a few minutes early. Even though I leave at the exact same time every day- after the Bell Rings at Gabriel's school. Tonight I drove to South Orange County, which is about 20 miles in the other direction that I drive to work now (In NORTH Orange County). However, south was the way I drove to work for 10 years. I am used to driving South- and those 20 miles taking me anywhere from 30 to 90 minutes. Tonight- at 5:45PM- it took 25 minutes.

Um what the hell is going on???

Tonight on the news they said that traffic is lighter due to gas prices and unemployment. Well I'll be damned. Gas prices are about $3.80 in my neighborhood, which is LESS expensive than the neighborhood South of where I live in South Orange County. Finally, gas prices are high enough to make us California folks get out of our fucking cars! Who thought it was possible?

My mothers day

consisted of the following:

• coffee
• gift from Gabe (handmade bookmark)
  
• writing
• sleep
• more coffee
  
• TV
  
• more sleep
• more coffee
  
• more TV
• Coldstone Creamery
• gift from Danny (decorated Coozie)
  
• TV- First Wives Club
  
• writing
  
• pizza
• TV- Bringing Down the House
• more sleep TBA

I may be missing a few points of sleep or TV in there, but you get the idea.

Hope your day was equally fantastic.
Happy Mothers Day!!

Five things you should never buy as a Mother's Day gift

by Charlene Prince Birkeland, Shine staff,

Taken from Shine, Yahoo.
Lets talk Mother's Day gifts that should be strictly off limits.

1. Kitchen appliances. Not the gift of choice for Mother's Day. No bread makers. No Cuisinarts or blenders. Even for kitchenistas. Even in cool retro colors, don't do it. Especially when you're replacing something that's broken -- that doesn't even count as a gift.

Exception: A coffee maker. Mama needs her caffeine.2. Lotions. Yes, we know you think it's sweet to buy us lotions because women like to doll up and smell purdy with soft, luscious glowing skin. But what we think when we open this gift is, "I know I don't shower every day, but are you trying to tell me something?"

Exception: A slightly overpriced but exquisite lotion that a mom only purchases on special occasions.

3. Little House on the Prairie-inspired pajamas. Not. Hawt. Caroline Ingalls is the only mom who ever will make them look sexy.

Exception: Grandma.

4. House-cleaning gear. Even moms will admit the Dyson DC07 vacuum is one hot little number. But for a $600 price tag, we'd rather have the cash. We're in a recession, people. Drop that money into a savings account.

Exception: Mom asks for it. And even then, we're not even sure it's cool.

(INSERT PIC OF MY HUSBAND HERE)

5. The Man Cold.
Oh I know. You can't buy a cold. But you know what I'm talking about. The only thing worse than a kid being sick on Mother's Day is a husband/partner being sick on Mother's Day. You and your man colds. Mom should high-tail it 'outta dodge. But she won't. Because she's Mom.

Exception: Never.

--------

take a lesson people. this is valuable info. What do I want for mothers day? The same think I ask for, and usually get every day unless I am faced with #5 (which has happened a few times).

I want to be left alone. Some mom's like to spend the day with thier family- run around town, wear matching clothes. Yeah- not so much me. I want to sleep in lay around. Maybe shop- alone. Take a nap. Not fix meals. Not yell at anyone.

Every mother is a working mother.

Mothers Day should be renamed Mom's National Fucking Day Off.

enjoy it!

HNT is good for the soul

Just a few more weeks of classes.
One week of class and one week of finals.
This week has been just crappy- so I'm showin my tits. Deal with it.



Shhhhhh- do you recognize me other HNT'ers???

yeah, it's like that

depression speaks stupid

Fluently.

e-husband: What would you think about me getting like an older motorcycle?
me: (dead stare)
e-husband: You know, like an older one?
me: a motorcycle?
e-husband: Yes.
me: Why don't you just inject yourself with extra insulin instead? It will be less bloody.
e-husband: (blank stare)
me: You can barely make it from the bedroom to the couch, and now you want a motorcycle. You'll be dead within a week, and I will have had to pay for a motorcycle!! Maybe when you are a less lethargic for more than a month, we can have this conversation.

Sometimes it's like talking to a fucking 15 year old. Doesn't have two dimes to rub together and the common sense of a chickpea.

Shake it 'til the moon becomes the sun.

I don't know what the whole "Miley, Mandy" thing is about- but I loved this video. I love this kind of hip-hop dancing. It amazes me that moves can be that sharp, but still look so fluid.



---
The e-husband has gone from being in a pretty decent mood a few weeks ago, to getting sick again, to being out and out depressed. Day 6 and the most he has managed to do is move to the couch to watch the Karate Kid.
And The Karate Kid 2.

sigh

It's hard to stay cheerful when the mood in this house feels grim. Luckily I have managed to battle his bad mood with sarcasm and disdain- so you know- we're even.

A life like Diamonds.

I don't care much for words of doom
If it's love you need then I've got the room
It's a simple thing that came to me
when I found you.
~Neil Diamond

I love this song. I have the American Idol version on my ipod cause I want to have David Cook's babies (don't tell him I can't HAVE babies anymore, my evil plan is to fuck him stupid and he won't care about the lie I've told.) Listen to it here.

I digress.

Anyway- MOST songs remind me of something, or someone. Sometimes just one line in song of 60 lines will remind me of something or someone and even the opening music will make me think of that person.

This song doesn't do that. Neil Diamond tends to make me thing of Trever, but you know- not anymore. This song is a blank slate. It makes me think of ME. Makes me want to get in my car, well maybe not MY car- but in a car. A light blue convertible and drive faster than the safe speed by the ocean, or the mountains. Or up north where there's ocean on one side of the road and mountains on the other.

---

Eleanor Rigby has some great lines in it.

To me, the thought of Rome- a city adorned with genitalia instead of vinyl siding and stucco- seemed improbable. I had to see this place.
(I think this is how I am thinking about New York, in theory)

Do I expect a bunch of naked people all over the place? No. I would not be so lucky. What I DO expect is life. Excitement. Movement. A life that is unlike my own and I hope to soak it in. I hope to fall in love with New York, the energy of it. I hope to be so sad when I leave, that I come back with an intense desire to live a life that is less like mine, and more like..

life.

All the lonely people.

This morning The Athiest text messaged me and asked if I had read Shampoo Planet. I had not, but I have heard of it. Perhaps I've seen someone else reading it. I tend to be interested in what other people are reading. I haven't read it, but it made me feel like I wanted to go to the book store and start a new book.

Since I have been trying to spend at least an hour doing something for myself ever week I thought I would go buy a book and have lunch by myself. I love book stores. Even if I have no intention of buying anything, I just love looking at the titles, flipping through the pages and wondering what the story might be about if I had the time to read everything I wanted to read.

I spent a lot of time looking at the travel section. Contemplating buying a book about New York. Most of them included maps and the best restaurants and such. There was one book that my friend is reading on The Chelsea Hotel. I have promised him that I will at least stand in front of it and take a picture. As I headed towards the door empty handed, I walked past the bargain table and came across this book.



It's by the same author of Shampoo Planet, I recognized. I opened it and read the front flap and promptly bought it. Since the Athiest and I had spoken about this author this morning, I took it as a sign. I look for signs- sometimes I look too hard for them, but you know- a sign is a sign.

So far, it's about loneliness and motherhood, I think. Ironic, don't you think?

I love taking suggesting from people on books to read. It makes me feel closer to the person who suggested it to me, because perhaps they think I will like it, or because it's something I have in common with them if we both enjoy it. I love reading, but if I am not pulled in by the first chapter, I won't finish it. I sat down at lunch today by myself and read for 30 straight minutes, uninterrupted. I did not have to listen for the sounds of children. Nobody asked me to make or bring them coffee. Nobody needed to poop.

(But by the way, Danny is pooping in the potty!!! FINALLY, after 4 months of working on it!)

It was a fantastic hour left me refreshed for the rest of the day. I don't go out for lunch alone very often. Sometimes I feel like people are looking at me. Oh that poor chubby girl all by herself reading a book in a restaurant. Today I didn't care if I looked like one of the lonely people.

I wasn't alone, I was hiding.

May is Stroke Awareness Month

I don't do this too often, but this is a presentation that I did for our Community Awareness Seminars. It sort of plays between speakers. I am proud of it, even with all the transitions and such. I can't get the music to embed correctly, so I am including the song, and I think if you start the song, and then the presentation, it will be close. I like it with the song. (open both in a new window) Actually I think if you download the song- the presentation will find it. I think. And yes, it's an insanely cliche health care-ey song.

I try not to preach "stroke" too often, but I am noticing more and more younger people. Last month we had a 22 year old with a big stroke. Yea- 22. So you know- watch it, ok? If you know the signs and symptoms, it could make you one less of the persons disabled from stroke (which is the #1 cause of disability in the US. )

Slideshow Music

OK- PSA done. Thanks.

Random Songs

I'm listening to Yahoo Radio and big hits of the 90's.

Everywhere- Tim McGraw.

But ever since you said good-bye
I've been out here on the wind
And baby you would be surprised
All the places you have been

This song just reminds me of better times. Maybe just times I imagined in my head, but never happened in real life.
A long lost love, the one that got away- fond memories of innocent times.

Holding hands.
Putting your hands in the other persons pocket.
Crossing your leg over his when you are sitting next to each other.

Simple signs of affection.

Crushes.

I think when I have a crush on someones mind, I tend to resort back to sweet tactics and gestures that fall way below the 'slut' persona that I have grown to love. I tend to appreciate a hand on the small of my back to guide me through a room. The way his hand brushes against mine when both are on a counter.

Every highway, just beyond the high beams
Right beside me
In all of my sweet dreams.
No matter where you choose to be
In my heart, I'll always see you
Everywhere.