Progress, Not Perfection

If at first you don't succeed, you're running about average.---Ovid

Our program speaks of spiritual progress, not perfection. We can take all the time we need. Our bottom line is steady progress. We can ask ourselves, "Am I a little more spiritual than I was a year ago? A month ago?" If the answer is yes, we're doing great. If the answer is no, we should look at why.
Our illness pushes us to be perfect. In recovery, we learn that we are free to be what we are---human. Even the world's fastest runners are average in most other areas of their lives.. This is okay. Remember, "spiritual progress, not perfection."

Prayer for the Day: Higher Power, I'll not be ashamed of how average I am. I'll remember I'm average---and that's good.
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I don't expect to always do everything the exact way other people feel it 'should' be done. I am certain that other people would live my life very differently. I get a lot of advice on what I should do. How I should respond and what decisions I should make. And I take all of it with a smile, taking note of who it comes from and how much they know about my situation and if thier advice is informed or just "this is what I would do"- which really is only worth so much. I do feel my situtaion is different than many women in unhappy marriages, but not so different for most women in alcoholic marriages or marriages with someone with chronic illness. Either way, I realize that my progress in how I deal with my husband, my marriage and my life may not be what people think that it ought to be- but I know, for myself, that it is VERY different than what it USED to be.

I did not wake up one day and realize, "Oh my God, when did things get out of hand?" it started small- and got bigger, much bigger and then a little more manangeable- albeit still quite messy. But really, life is MUCH more livable than it used to be. Only now I choose NOT to live life this way anymore. If I wanted to- I guess living the rest of my life as it stands now, would be a little easier than it was three, four, five years ago. As back then, I still had hope, I was still twisting myself in a million directions and making my husband my Higher Power. I know better now. I have more independence now than I used to. My life has a purpose, and a direction and it's the direction that I want it to go- regardless of what anyone else thinks.

If I absolutely HAD to stay in this marriage for the rest of my life, I would still have a lot to look forward to. My marriage is not what makes me the person that I am anymore. I am no longer defined by my husband or the disease that he has. I am no longer ruled by his actions. I am no longer plagued with his illness. It affects me, yes, it burdens me emotionally and weighs on my heart, of course, but it does not dictate my life anymore. I can still get up every day and go to work and be productive. I can have friendships and hobbies. I can join in activities and have some fun. Even though I have a husband at home who is sick and miserable and probably doesn't even like me very much- I can still have a life. Be a good friend to people and be a participant in my life, not just a casualty of his. Three, four, five years ago- I could not say that.

And really, regardless if what anyone else thinks, THAT is progress.