Maybe I need a pet

I am thinking alot this morning on expectations and how I am frustrated that I do not get the response from other people that I feel I deserve. The Al-Anon Courage to Change has about 6 different entries on expectations and I read them all and tried to get what I could. I came up with these ideas...

Stop going to the hardware store for bread. This I know. I have been doing it my whole life, it seems, turning to those who can't or won't give me what I need and then feeling stupid for thinking I was going to get it in the first place. If I go to the hardware store, I will only get hardware.

Having expectations is premeditated resentment. When I expect things of other people, for people to act or re-act a certain way, I am setting them up to fail because how can anyone else know exactly what I want if I don't voice those needs. But let me take a second to acknowledge how much it pisses me off that Al-Anon has forever ruined my ideals of resentment and holding a grudge. If I'm resentful, it's because I expected something. So then it's my own fault. Yeah yeah, it's not about 'fault' (I can hear my sponsors voice in my head). But essentially I have to take responsibility for my own feelings...why am I upset, why am I resentful, what were my expectations- and in essence, how can I turn it all around and blame myself for it?? Talk about taking the wind out of your sails....

Maybe what I want is a pet. The book suggested that we want someone who is there for us, but who doesn't impose too much upon us. Of course, I have had some pretty demanding cats and even that is too much for me some days....

My point I guess, is that I am feeling really frustrated because I caught myself having expectations about a situation when I should not have. Some things in life just ARE what they ARE, and if I can, I need to enjoy them for what they ARE, not what I want them to be. Part of me wonders how nice it would be if everything just went my way... but then, God knows how well I have managed my own life up until now. Imagine the chaos if I got everything I ever wanted....where would I put it all??

Yeah, nix the pet idea, I already have 4 dogs in the house....