Alot of shit going on.

My husband had a friend who used to say that all the time. Whenever you would ask her how she was doing, what's new, how come she didn't show up... "You know, I have alot of shit going on right now." Yeah? Who the fuck doesn't??

Anyway, I DO have alot of things going on right now- and I should be studying, but I feel like I need to just do this therapeutic writing for me, cause while I am making notes for my class, I am thinking of things I could be writing... so here I am.

I did speak with my sponsor after a week of silence. She emailed me and called me the day after she sent the initial email- and it took me three days to stop being pissed, and then 4 more days to find a long enough block of time to call. She apoligized for including me on that email. She said that she had not realized, or forgot that I had been to a few meetings a week. She admitted that it was stupid for her to send out a blind email to all the girls she sponsors (there are only 4 of us). She admitted that she should not have even included me. She apoligized. She told me she didn't want to lose my friendship. That she was wrong.

I told her that I had been very hurt, and very angry. That I felt it was impersonal and out of the blue. We talked about it. I forgive her. I have forgiven people I like LESS for infractions much worse. People make mistakes. What I think I liked the most about this whole event (and what I like about HER) was that she didn't push me to talk to her until I was ready, that she admitted that she was wrong, and that she told me that I had every right to be angry with her about it. She didn't even try to make an excuse. "What I did was wrong and you have every right to be mad at me about it." I love people who take responsibility without being asked to. And people make mistakes, and do and say really stupid things- that doesn't make them BAD people.

For instance, last week, in an argument I was having with my mother (for another post) I made a comment about my husband in which I not ONLY threw him under the bus, I was driving it- and ran him over- backed up, and ran him over again...circled the block and thump thump, one more time to make sure he's flat. And I immediately regretted having said it- and even though he was not there to HEAR me say what I said, I did tell him, and apoligized. I was angry and trying to make a point, and I just threw ugly words out there. I felt lousy for it. Lousy enough that I didn't have the good sense to keep it to myself.

I am in the middle of finals right now. Middle, but I still have two test, two papers and presentation due this week. How can this be the middle?? I am overwhelmed. I have six days and that is not enough time to study and write and prepare. Part of me just wants to say forget it, and give up!! Screw it. But I have worked hard to keep my grades up. There's no point in screwing it up now. I am not taking any classes this summer- so I will have a break very soon. JUST ONE MORE WEEK!!!! I can do this.

My best friend just finished nursing school!! She's been at it for 5 or 6 years I think. She moved 3 times, once from Texas to Indiana. She had a baby in the middle. And now she's got her degree for an RN. A nurse!! I am so proud of her. She has been one of my biggest supporters, and an inspiration. She deserves to stop struggling financially and be able to support her family. She's been my best friend the day we met in 9th grade and I would not last a day without her. Congratulations Carrie- you amaze and inspire me and I love you sister!!!