What's Left of Me

These are some of the lyrics from the new song by Nick Lachey... or the ex Mr. Jessica Simpson

Falling faster
Barely breathing
Give me somethin' to believe in
Tell me it's not all in my head

Take what's left of this man
Make me whole once again

now I'm broken
and I'm fading
I'm half the man I thought I would be
You can have
What's left of me
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This morning I decided to give this song a listen. Apparently Nick is finally getting some attention to his music, now that he's been spectacularly dumped. And so I listened to the song and I found myself feeling sorry for poor rich gorgeous Nick. All screwed up and 'half a man'.

And it made me think about all the 'half men' I have fallen for. And the realization that perhaps that is my problem. Well, I guess I've always KNOWN it, but you know what I mean. I guess it's the co-dependent about me that makes me want to 'save' broken down, 'half men'. And I know that even my husband had a truck load of baggage that I thought I could carry for him.

So this morning while I'm listening to the words.... Take what's left of this man...yeah, sounds peachy.... Make me whole once again...great, cause I don't have ENOUGH to do....now I'm broken and I'm fading....and you feel you can be in a relationship-WHY???...I'm half the man I thought I would be...NOT A GOOD SELLING POINT...but you can have what's left of me.

Fucken GREAT!!!! Can't wait....

And I thought to myself that I don't WANT half a man. Why would (or DID) I ever want HALF a man?? What kind of crazy f'ed up thinking do I have that says I don't deserve a man who already IS what he's aspired to be?? What kind of half assed, backwards, low self-esteem load of crap did I sign on to that says that I had to be the saver of the broken ones. It was never my job, but I was always willing to do that. I was an idiot.

I was broken, and I am working on fixing myself. I am not asking anyone to make me whole again.