Letter to my partner

Dear Michael,

I'm not going to focus on the bad things. We have enough bad memories, regrets and disappoinments to last 25 years. Instead, I'm going to focus on something in common, but good. The kids.

Alex seems to be doing ok now that his gf is on vacation. He sleeps late and stays up late but I don't ive him too much grief about it. I have to constantly ride him about doing his chores which makes me feel kinda bad that I always told you to get off of his case about his chores. You were right, if I don't tell him 5 times, it doesn't get done. Perhaps it WAS getting done because you were riding him all day about it. I worry a little about the boys he's hanging out with. He has alluded that M and H are into some 'stuff I wouldn't like' - but that he doesn't do stuff like that cause his gf wouldn't like it. I suspect he's kept his nose clean, but you can never be sure.

Gabe is doing better. Lately I am frustated with him because he won't eat. He fusses about everything I make, but then complains that he's starving. I'm trying to be patient and understand that he's going thru a lot, but he's just pushing back for no apparent reason. I can't let the kid starve, but he's so stubborn, I'm tempted.

Danny is just Danny. He's in his own little world Like I said, he hasn't asked much about you- but I see his behavior regressing. He's watching the preschool TV shows and find himself fascinated as if he's not seem them before. It's a bit disconcerting but somehow it isn't manifesting into any other bad behavior so I won't complain too much.

And me? well, you know it isn't easy bein me these days. It was nice to see you the other day and I admit I was a bit needy and emotional. I'm glad that one of us is in a good place and we didn't let sad emotions get the best of us. I want to do what's best for all of us, and I think we are on the right path to that- but I can't help but be a little sad, thinking... what if?? I can't hold out those kind of hopes anymore as it puts too much pressure on you and to be honest, I think some things are better left out to pasture- you know? Regardless, it was good to see and hear you sounding hopeful about sobriety. It is good to see you hopeful about anything.

Either way, seeing you made me smile- the hug was much needed and I appreciated it more than you know. It's a dreary existence some days- and it's nice to know that someone will still give me a no strings attached hug if I ask for it.

Thank you for that.

love,
julie