50,000 words.....

My dear and best friend is doing this thing for National Novel Writing Month where you crank out 50,000 words in 30 days. It doesn't have to be GOOD- or gramatically correct, but the idea, I guess is that once you put 50,000 words down, well- you've done SOMETHING that you may have not completed or even strived for. He mentioned it to me about 3 days ago. He sent me the web link 2 days ago and it's been milling in my inbox. Sitting and freaking me out, much like the dead bug in the kitchen. The must have come in and treated my house bugs, cause I keep finding these fuckers- on thier back- just in the middle of nowhere- struggling to flip over or something. So I spray them with bug cleaner and give them some time to die. Usually forgetting they are there and 30 minutes later, I go back and it scared the hell out of me that I have a dead bug in the middle of the floor. Oh right- THAT. These are the things having a husband was good for.

Anyway- 50K words. If I started TOMORROW- I'd have 22 days and that's 2300 words a day. My last essay was 1800. I could write 2300 words in a day. But every day for 22 days? Oh I don't know. It would feel good. It would feel fucking great really- to have something to focus on, somewhere to place my mental energy. I wish I had known about it sooner, but then I would have simply mulled over it and talked myself out of it for reasons other than the missing 8 days. Well I have until tomorrow to think about it.

What would I write about. Lately I've been writing a lot of personal stuff, stuff I don't share with those I know and love. But this is a fiction thing. It's not a contest really, other than being acknowledged as someone who finished it. It seems like about 15% of the people who sign up actually finish- so even if I didn't finish, it would still be something.

The postitive is that I was thinking about giving up sex for a month. Parter and solo. All of it. I was thinking that perhaps it would clear my head- help me focus more. Keep me away from men, and all the shit that screws with my head. Those of you who know me should probably stop laughing so people think you are working, or at least keep it down so you don't wake up the kids. Yes, I was thinking of giving up sex. Not just sex, but the things, and people that keep sex on my brain. Focus on me and school and the kids and taking care of my house and going on complete hiatus from men and the whole god forsaken scenario. But like choclate or sugary cereal, as soon as I can't have it- I crave it. It goes on sale and everyone is offering me some.

But I admit, I have been stuck. Feeling emotionally drained, apathetic and disconnected. From school, my kids, my job- everything. I thought I should channel some energy and perhaps I would feel better. Of course I am dozing off sitting here at the computer. My energy is channeling just fine and I bore MYSELF.... but if I DID decide to do this, then I could give up the crazy no-sex option. Really, it's a stupid idea and I'd cave.

Anyway- I wanted to finish a blog post- I have 4 of them saved as drafts, unfinished. I can't complete a blog post lately- 50,000 words in 22 days. I think it might be easier to give up the sex.