New and Improved

I decided to move this over cause my old blog was meant to be set up for Al-Anon and really I have ventured away from it. No reason other than I just don't have the time to commit. I was linked to a recovery site so I don't want people looking for a recovery link to venture over and listen to me bitch about things not related, but I didn't want to take it down, so I decided to start new- fresh. It was having the not so fresh feeling. So leave me comments, bitches. Stopped by- got bored, left. I'm a whore for traffic, I'm a whore for a lot of things. I'm famous in my own living room.

I will start out with one of those stupid 100 things about me, and hopefully I can think of 100. Enjoy me! And leave me comments.

1. Julie, Do Ya Love Me is a song from Bobby Sherman. I've had it sung to me lots of times.
2. I don't mind that I drive a mini-van, but sometimes I wish it was small and sexy.
3. I have three sons and am separated from my husband of 7 years.
4. I don't like carrots, but my mother still puts carrots on my plate and I if she isn't looking, I throw them away.
5. I love my mothers cooking more than anyone else's.
6. I am content to know that I will never cook as well as she does.
7. My eldest brother is a US Marine.
8. I do not tell him often enough how proud I am of him, even though I suspect my opinion means very little.
9. My older brother is NOT a US Marine.
10. I almost never tell him how much I love him, but I hope he knows it anyway.
11. My older sister is my hero- even though we don't always agree.
12. My mother is the voice in my head. I will probably never stop wanting her approval.
13. I realize I will never have her approval- but I know she loves me.
14. Sometimes it really sucks being the youngest, nobody expects much, until I disappoint them, and then I am sadly reminded that 'they expected more from me'.
15. My real father died when I was 9. I have very little memories of him.
16. My first step dad died when I was 22. I try to block out the bad memories, and focus on the good ones.
17. When I say, "My dad" I am usually not talking about my real father.
18. I think about my real father every day when I go to work.
19. I work in a hospital. The last place I saw my real father was in a hospital.
20. I have serious daddy issues.
21. I have abandonment issues.
22. I have generalized anxiety disorder.
23. I take medication for it.
24. When I forget to take it, after about three days I become an unbearable bitch.
24. I am not USUALLY a bitch.
25. I think that being in love is the greatest feeling in the world.
26. I realize that being in love is not enough to make a relationship work.
27. I have loved many men who I could not make it work with.
28. Nice boys rarely know how to deal with me.
29. Bad boys break my heart.
30. I have very little heart left to break, so I think I'm safe either way.
31. I went to my 10 year reuinion in 1999 and I was the only one who gained a pound in 10 years.
32. I met my husband in high school.
33. I think that my husband really is the love of my life. Refer to #26.
34. I don't know if I will ever get married again, but I hope so.
35. I am learning to appreciate the joys of being single.
36. Sometimes I watch my kids cartoons, even if they are not home.
37. My younger step-sister, is a good and true friend, even though I think we would kill each other if we tried to figure the other person out.
38. My family is the base of who I am.
39. Sometimes I feel very different from them- but I think as a group, it all makes sense.
40. My brothers girlfriend is one of the most amazing women I know, even though I don't think she gets me either.
41. I have a friend who has cancer and I am terrified for her because she doesn't seem to be scared at all.
42. I hate that I am at the age where my friends will start to get things like cancer.
43. I am in the middle of a mid life crisis, even though I think that if I define it as a crisis, it's no longer a crisis.
44. I have a twisted sense of humor in the way that sometimes I think very innapropriate jokes and comments are funny.
45. Innapropriate comment #1 - "If I wasn't so stupid he wouldn't hit me."
46. I have been hit twice.
47. The first time, I had it coming.
48. I'm suprised I have not been hit more.
49. Sometimes I do not know when to shut up.
50. I am not very tall or strong, but when provoked, I think I'm fucken Wonder Woman.
51. I have a fear that someday, someone will prove to me that I'm NOT Wonder Woman and beat the ever-lovin out of me because I pushed too far.
52. I have a terribly dirty mouth. I cuss like a man.
53. I love calling people, 'bitch'.
54. I am not afraid of the word 'cunt'. Go ahead, say it- it's liberating. "CUUUNNNNNT!!!" If you are afraid, do it in the privacy of your car.
55. I think 'cunt' should be the new 'bitch' because 'bitch' has become 'ass'. Not even a bad word anymore.
56. Boys like me cause I say the word, "cunt". Direct quote, "Your sister is the coolest chick ever, she just said 'cunt'"
57. I am a shameless flirt and I love cute boys.
58. I don't care if people think I'm slutty. I'm 35 and it's ok to want to get laid every once in a while.
59. Shit, 100 is alot. I'M bored with myself.
60. My favorite blogs are PostSecret and D-Man.
61. I have a different list of favorites too- but those are Xrated.
62. I feel like many of the secrets in PostSecret are mine.
63. I am envious of women who truly aspire to be good wives.
64. I was not a great wife.
65. I try to be a good mother, but some days I want to lock myself in my room.
66. If I could afford it, I would have more kids but I not because I want a daughter.
67. I have a step daughter, and I'm content with that.
68. So far, being a single mom is harder than raising kids in an unhappy marriage.
69. My marriage was unhappy because we struggled with addiction.
70. Drug and alcohol addiction is the worst thing that ever happened to my life, and I wasn't even the one using.
71. Sometimes I wished that I had the problem, so that way I could just be irresponsible and blame whole segments of my life on vodka or crack.
72. I am too lazy and too cheap for a drug or alcohol problem.
73. I am afraid that my children will grow up and become addicts.
74. I am almost certain that at least one will, because that's the way it usually happens.
75. It will probably NOT be the one that I suspect it will be either.
76. I can talk about addiction, and sex until I am blue in the face.
77. The only drug I have ever tried is pot, and I didn't hate it at all.
78. I love movies. Romance, comedy, sometimes a good action film.
79. Pornography (18+) does not bother me at all.
80. I have let two people take naked pictures of me. The second one, I had totally forgotten about until he reminded me. He said he destroyed them. I have no idea where the first set of naked pictures are, but I was 16- so it's child porn now and I suspect someone will get arrested for admitting they have them.
81. I like writing erotica and I think I'm good at it.
82. I love big guys, and bald guys. A big bald guy is like candy to me.
83. I am afraid that my husband will kill himself.
84. There are many days when I totally understand why he wants to die.
85. It was hard to admit that I could not help him, and I had to walk away to save my own life.
86. Sometimes I miss him, and other times I am happy he is gone. He exhausts me.
87. I have a good sense of humor about how crazy my life has become.
88. I think the sexiest thing a man can have is a sense of humor.
89. I am secretly amused by corny jokes and innapropriate references to sex.
90. I am a true believer in, "it's always the quiet ones...."
91. I'm a cheap date and a cheaper drunk.
92. The best compliment I ever got was on a Christmas Wish List when I was 18. A guy said All he wanted for Christmas was me.
93. He had me that Christmas and he could probably have me this Christmas if he wanted me.
94. I usually hate the holidays, but this year I am going to try to simply celebrate having a new life.
95. Thanksgiving is my least hated holiday.
96. I have three piercings, the third one was a gift to myself for my 35th birthday. It was the most liberating thing I have ever done and I have pictures to prove it.
97. I'm looking back over this list and thinking that I am not very interesting at all.
98. I don't want to be alone, but I know that I can.
99. I was afraid of being alone, but I'm not anymore.
100. If you stayed through the end of this list, I appreciate it- and hope you leave this Attention Whore a comment.