When you die, nothing happens...

I don't usually get into too much talk about religion, but lately it has been somewhat on my mind. I met a guy who is an athiest. I had to look up the difference between athiest and agnostic. I think I'd prefer to say I was agnostic, claiming that I could not confirm not deny the existence of God. You know, walk the fence, so you're covered. I think it's an interesting comment to state that you are an athiest. I tried to delve a little deeper and ask if he had ever looked, you know, for a higher power. Did research, read books, something... anything. It just seems like before you decided that there was no God, you would go ahead and make sure. He said that they never really looked for it, and that it was childish and irrational.

I decided then and there to stop the conversation because it was clear he did not want to talk about it. I don't think that looking for the existence of a high power is not childish OR irrational, but I took it as a sign of, I don't want to talk about it. Perhaps lots of bad things have happened to make him think there is no God.

While I don't consider myself a religious person, I am spiritual to a sense. I do believe in God and I guess I simply don't get too much deeper into the meaning of that- because it's too much to wrap my head around. Perhaps it is albeit on a much larger scale, the same way that children believe in Santa. They are told about it. It makes them feel good, and they wake up and there is proof of him in the form of presents, eaten cookies, and such. My belief in God is probably very different than the next person. God, as I understand him. (Spoken like a true 12-stepper.)

Yesterday in the hospital I heard someone saying, "I think the doctors don't know what they are doing. God didn't create sickness, and if I believe in God, then that means I don't believe in what the doctor said cause it's not from God."

Yeah.... I was following her for a the first 5 or six words, and then I just wanted to say, "Hi... excuse me. You DO know that you are on the oncology floor right?" No, God did not create cancer- but he also did not create the automobile, or smog, or cheesecake (although that is debatable). I did not bother to respond to her comment, or the fact that someone was listening intently and shaking his head in agreement.

God, as I was told, created the heavens and the earth. Adam and Eve. I think the rest was up to us. That includes sickness, cancer, and cheesecake.

Do I believe that God has a plan for me? I sure hope so. Sometimes I think He intervenes, simply by a tap on my shoulder, sometimes a nagging feeling that I should make a phone call, or just in the way that I can be occasionally compassionate to the e-husband after everything that has befallen us. Sometimes I think he sits back and watches me spin my wheels. I don't thinks I'm supposed to know what the plan is, I think that spoils His fun.

It's ok that my friend does not believe in God. I do, and I think He will watch over my friend, regardless of he believes in Him or not.