not soon enough

You know how people get pregnant, get engaged, get married, and die... in threes? I think the same happens with divorces.

Yet another friend of mine is getting divorced. sigh... all the good stuff happens to everyone else.

I know, I'm such a insufferable cunt. Can you blame me? Have you met me??

We've (read: I) decided that he's going to move out after the summer. August. Yes, I'm ready for this. So ready. We (read: I) decided this in March- before the break. I thought the break would help, but it didn't. It just made me want to make the break longer- or permanent. Yes, permanent sounds good.

I'm not sure why I am so damn stubborn. Why, for so long I was so insistent that we could make this pig fly. However, we've decided and discussed that we really took whatever semblance of a marriage and beat it to death. It's not just a dead horse, it's buried and the grass has grown over. It's time to move on.

SO TIME.

We get along, because that's what I do. I get along. I play nice. I've got it down to an art form. I have perfected 'playing nice' to an art form.

Tell me that you love me?
oh? Cool.
Tell me that you hate me?
oh? Cool.

Its hard going through life knowing that I failed at this. I know, I know... I didn't FAIL. But it feels like Fail. Major League Fail. Maybe the FAIL was staying so long. I'll never get these 10 years back. I don't know, maybe I don't want them. Perhaps in the fall I'll be a whole new Julie.

New and Improved.

Or not.

Hows this?

Thinner, Cynical and Jaded.

That sounds about right.