gratitude list

I was able to go to my meeting where the topic was on gratitude. It kept me open all day to the idea of being grateful for the things I have. Tonight I got to visit with my mom and my sister and her husband and daughter. I am so amazed by Megan's progress- and it was good to see her happy and singing and reading. I know that my sister is so tired and she and her husband work so hard with her Autism. I am so proud of thier strength and determination to get her all the help she can get- and I wish there was more I can do for them. But tonight I was able to visit with her and my mom and we laughed and joked and shared stories and I know that she enjoyed that too.
Tonight Michael is very open to talking about Program, and I'm grateful that I have a program that I can share with him. There are days when he is open to talk, and it's nice to see that he really wants his life to change. That he really wants whatever it takes to balance out his sobriety, with his health issues. I know that his health issues leave him with so little energy, and the depression gets worse. He showed me a shirt that he picked up that has some scripture on the back. The lettering was faded and I could not tell where it was but I was able to make out that it was Isaiah: 40, 41. So I picked up my Bible, the one that he gave me back in 2001, shortly after he got out of Spencer, and I opened it right up to the page. Isaiah: 40,41. I told him that I opened right up to it, and he said, it's weird how that happens huh? It's like God is talking right to me. It gave me chills. Not alot of things do that.
"Those who hope in the Lord will renew thier strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; the will run and not grow weary, the will walk and not be faint."
Yes, I think that was a message of hope for me- and I guess for Michael too- it's his shirt after all. I'm grateful that today I am not filled with the anger that I tend to be. I'm grateful that Michael and I are getting along, even though this too shall pass (unfortunately I know this to be true).
I am grateful for:
my new jewelry, that I have a sponsor who I trust, for my sister, for my mom, for my brother Johnny who is struggling with his own marriage right now- but for the grace of God, as unsure as my marriage is- it's not THAT unsure, for my brother Rick who is going back to Iraq next month and who I pray God will watch over and keep safe, for my step-dad and his boat that my neice Megan waited for TWO weeks to go on with him, and that he gets to keep the little calander page my smart sister made for her, in which every day she put a sticker on it to mark how many days before she could go on the boat with her grandfather, I know that he will keep that little yellow peice of construction paper with the 14 spaces on it and all those stickers- forever, and I think that's awesome. I am grateful for my kids- Sarah, Alex, Gabriel and Daniel- that they love me and hug me and forgive me when I'm grumpy or tired or cranky, for thier giggles and thier belly laughs, I am grateful that I have a car, a job, and a place to live, food in the fridge, ice cream that I bought earlier today . I am grateful that I have a loving higher power that becomes more apparent to me with each passing day. I am grateful that I am not spinning my wheels anymore- that I am starting to have daily inspiration. I am grateful for the people in my meetings who love me despite my mistakes, for Pastor Ed for sharing his honesty with me, for the Alanon and AA tapes that I get to listen to and learn so much from, for the Bible that my husband gave me in 2001 when he got out of Spencer, for my sister in law who is taking her 5 year cake at a meeting later this week, for my friends Christine, Carrie, Keri, Joel, Lori and Sarah who I trust and who love me no matter how screwed up I am. And I am grateful for Michael. For all his faults, he loves me regardless of mine. He loves me and cares for the kids. He keeps the house clean, and he can cook a decent edible meal when I'm too tired to try to cook my own version of a decent edible meal. I am grateful that he gets the kids off to daycare and can get Alex off to school. He kills the spiders and does the heavy lifting. He holds me when I'm scared, even if we are not getting along. He has a disease, and tonight I can hate the disease and not the person. Right now, today, while I am typing up this list of gratitude, I can forgive him for not living up to my expectations- because he's not anymore or less perfect that I am.
Interesting how easy that is when I'm not trying so hard to figure it out on my own. Give it to God and let him give it back to me, a little neater and easier to read, I think I said. And it is. Today I can see forgiveness and the benefits of it. And I'm mostly grateful for that.