self parenting

Yesterday in my meeting I shared about a conversation I had with my 10 year old, Alex about a friend of his who does not always treat him very nicely. And I was telling him that he does not have to accept friendship from someone who does not treat him the way he wants to be treated, and asking him why he wanted to be friends with someone who acted bad? While I was saying this, I was thinking in the back of my head that I had better stop talking, cause who am I to give advice like this?? I know that I will never be a truly effective parent to my kids, until I can be an effective parent to myself. I know that I need to set an example for them, and not allow myself to be treated in ways that I would not want them to think is OK. I would have for my boys to follow the same patters as thier dad, or for them to fall into co-dependent relationships, but I know that if they follow my example, they will do one or the other.
I have been watching Breaking Bonaduce on VH1. I'm hooked on it, because for a long time I have been in the same kind of relationship, of course, not to THAT extreme- but I feel for his wife. I see how he has managed to function for all this time- and how his ego seems to be the one thing that motivates him to go either way. And how his wife has hung in there, probably because she doesn't know what else to do. It all seems so manageable. It comes on so slowly. It's not as if one day I woke up and my life was out of control. It's like the tumor that is the size of a grapefruit. It wasn't ALWAYS that big- it started out the size of a grain of rice. Over time it gets bigger- but it also seems manageable. Maybe since Danny went through periods of success, they thought the problem had gone away or that it was manageable. I would listen to him on the radio, and wonder if and when it would come back, how bad it would get. I would listen and laugh to his absurd ideas about drinking, I can laugh about the craziness- cause I've been there and seen it first hand. But I always wondered if and when it would blow up- and how long his wife would wait. Perhaps she didn't realize the disease he has. She said to him on his way to rehab that they need to get his drinking under control. I almost laughed at the absurdity of that comment. If I could only have gotten Michaels drinking or drug use 'under control'... It just doesn't happen... it always got worse. Either way, even when Danny was not drinking or using, he was just dry. Like a brittle leaf- any pressure and he'd crack. That is how Michael appears to me today... he's just dry. I guess it's better than drunk or using- not alot better- but better.
Gratitude List: -The website that I fould with all the AA/Alanon speakers that I can listen to and download for later. http://www.elmoware.com/dld_fram.htm -The cappucino and slice of pie I had for breakfast -My sponsor, who I was able to share honestly with yesterday about my most recent disappointments. I'm grateful that there is ONE person that I can share everything with and she won't judge me, or question my motives. -Michael, for being a normal guy this past week, even with all the BS and that he's sober today; -the people in my Saturday morning meeting who laugh when I share and make me realize that my problems are not so dramatic and serious.
-that my mom just called and said she had alot of leftover food from last night, so I can come over and get some. Thanks mom.