It may be true, but I don't have to like it

I'm feeling overwhelmed. I have a paper to write that is due tomorrow and I have barely started it. It's going to be a long night, I can tell.
I feel myself starting to stress out about money again and how I'm going to pay this bill and that bill. Michael wants to sell his car, but that is a ridiculous plan. We need a car to move these kids back and forth to day care etc. and I think taking the boys OUT of day care should be the first step. For now I am going to pray that the path will narrow. That things will work out. I am trying not to place blame and be judgemental. I am trying to keep my mouth shut and keep my side of the street clean because it would be very easy for me to lose my cool and say all sorts of mean things that will not be helpful at all.
On Monday I didn't post because the microwave shorted out the power mid-typing. I got so angry and filled with rage on Monday. Michael baited me into a conversation I was not ready to have and he made a comment that I didn't like and I responded back. It began a barrage of all the things that I am doing wrong and although I did not really say too much in response I was so angry and felt very very alone. I know that my decisions have caused my unhappiness in this situation and I have only myself to blame. Well meaning friends and even program people reminding me that these are the consequences of my choicesm does not make me feel better. I KNOW. Do what I always do and get what I always get. I know. But I am allowed to be angry about it.
A friend of mine suggested that there must be a payoff for me to stay in this sick situation. I resented him saying so, but it made me think. Yes, there is a payoff. He is here to help me with the kids. I do not want to raise these kids on my own. More often than not he is a good dad. There are good things about him, he is not all bad- nobody is. The marriage is unhappy, but he's still here to help with the kids. I can think of alot of reasons, both ways- but in the end I'm not brave enough to make the serious changes that would be necessary to improve my situation- and also face the reprocussions of making those changes. My sponsor says that my path will narrow. I hope that she's right.