seriously....

Is this the cutest fucking picture of any of my kids ever?? You have to click it to really get a grasp of the cute.


Really- if you're having a bad day- just refer to this page cause you know- how do you not smile at this picture?

it starts early

My 5 year old child is pretty obsessed with his penis. This is no different than any other man I've ever met, but he's not out of the age yet where he doesn't just grab it in public. I try not to make a big deal out of, I don't freak out or smack his hand away. It's not like he's sitting with his pants down or anything, he's just, you know, grabbing himself over his pants like he's Eminem.

Me: Daniel are you having a problem with your pee pee?

Daniel: No mom. It's just really big right now.

Really, I can't make this shit up.

Welcome Back Holidailies!!

My first day of Holidailies where I will blog every day for 30 days. I think this is the third year I've done this, which means that this blog has been around for two years. Wow, how many of you have been listening to my weekly drivel for two years. Introduce yourself.

*Bows. Thank you. *

So it's December 5th and I started out paying my rent and my babysitter (mom). This afternoon I have to take the youngest Beastie to a doctors appointment to have him evaluated for ADD or ADHD or whatever it could be that gives him the attention span of a door knob. I hate to be one of those mothers who just throws a diagnosis at her kid, but but you know- the OLDEST Beastie has it, so I know what it looks like. I know that way it makes me want to jump out of a window- so don't judge me.

Danny is not as hyperacted as he is inattentive. Alex was not just hyper. He still is. He is not on his meds right now, we are trying it without them. School is a little harder, but really he gets in the same stupid trouble he did last year. It's not the ADHD, it's just Alex.

What concerns me is that I always blamed Alex's DAD for the ADHD. There seems to be just one common demonimator in all three kids- and it aint the dad.

Hey look, a puppy.

stolen moments

I found this picture on Mike's camera. The kids had climbed into bed with me, and were watching TV, apparently I fell back asleep.

(It was 9AM- his camera is still on NY time.)

Now if this isn't just the cutest thing? ... and should restore your faith that I am not completely void of emotion.

Look Mom, no floaties!!!

Here's Gabe, swimmin in the deep end!!

Not THE talk, but A talk.

I had a talk with Alex last night. It seems that he likes a girl, who likes him. He wants to spend some time with her. Go to the movies, hang out.

My gut reaction was to just say "Are you insane? You're 13." But then I was remembered of Alvin. Yes, that was his name. Later he went to "Al" of course, but when I was in 7th grade I had a big major crush on him. He was so cute and he wanted to go out with me. My mothers response to this buy, like all the others before him was, "Are you insane?" and "No" So I did what any hot blooded pre teen would do. I sneaked around. I lied. I got caught. I changed schools and my life went in a completely different direction because I was forced to make new friends and go to a completely different school.

So I decided to think like a parent who was also once 13. A parent who knows that he is ultimately gonna DO whatever stupid nonsense no matter how hard I try to stop it. I told him that I would think about it. Maybe if he went to the movies with a group. Maybe I could drop them off and pick them up. Maybe she could come to the house and they could watch movies under my watchful eye. All of these choices suck, of course they do, but to be a good parent I can't turn my head- but I don't want to chop his balls off either. So we can think about it. We can work something out perhaps.

If he can prove to me that he can be responsible here in the house, then I will feel better about him being responsible outside of the house. Right now, he's just not mature enough to make decisions about girls.

I want to have a good relationship with him. I want him to be able to talk to me cause God knows he can't talk to his dads about this. They are men, they will give man advice and really getting advice from a MAN is no way to be successful with girls.

The Belt

I don't belt my kids. Don't get me wrong, I have spanked. I have spanked with a wooden spoon (usually just one to two whacks) and of course, bare handed on the bum when it's appropriate. But I don't belt.

I was belted as a kid. I don't know how many times. There was a wooden paddle in my house, that sadistically had names of all the kids who had been belted with it. I don't really know how that happened. Maybe it was something that was around, and at parties, when parents needed to whoop their kids, it was handy. Thinking back, what a weird fucking concept. That stick was broken over my knee. I don't remember how old I was, but I remember that I was too damn old to be spanked like that. And the last time I was spanked by my step dad (who was the bastard that always doled out that punishment) was with a belt. I remember I was in 7th grade and the offense was stealing $5 to see Purple Rain and being somewhere that I should not have been. That, and a poor interpretation of my diary.

Here's a parenting tip: "He said he wants to fuck me again" when you are 12, sometimes means "He said it- again". NOT 'fucking me-again.' So basically I was beat with a belt because I was supposedly sexually active. Well, that's a proper use of discipline huh? By the way, over the shirt boob touching is NOT sexually active.

And did I straighten out and become a perfect, honest, and virginous girl? Um, no. I just hated my parents for a long time.

I have been poorly advised that a good "lesson" with the belt will straighten out Alex. That a beating, such as the one that I received when I was way too old for it will solve all of my problems. Yes, because it did wonders for me. Picture this, if I may creep you out for a second, at age 12, having to pull my pants down and lay down on my parents bed while my step dad watched. That, in itself, is wrong on many many levels. Then picture me having my 13 year old son do the same thing, drop trou and lay down. That's just wrong. Sick and wrong. Besides the fact that these days, you can have social services on your door for that kind of thing, it just isn't right for me or my kids.

Is spanking considered child abuse? Generally, my opinion is no. I think there are times when a firm hand is certainly effective. Times when a good spank on the bare bottom, a slap on the hand, or a knock upside the head or a child is appropriate and necessary when it works. However, I noted when Alex was around 7 or 8, that it was no longer getting my message across. My parents message, during my age 12 belt beating, was one of power and control. They wanted me to know that they were the 'boss of me'- and apparently of my body and my sexuality too. The $5 was not the issue, and I knew that right away. Yeah, that worked out well, didn't it?

Space Invaded

or Trapped in Temecula

I'm not exactly sure if I'm having a good weekend or not. It's not BAD. I'm staying in a really nice house. Cable TV, internet, and so much food I can't even decide what I want to eat. The inlaws are in Laughlin, and the e-husband and I are staying in our neutral corners and the kids are pretty well behaved. I guess if I were at home, I'd be cleaning house. We haven't made it to the lake- but I think trying to take them alone might be an exercise in futility, besides, the kids are having a blast playing in the little pool that grandpa bought for them. I set up the pool and spray them down with the hose, while I manage to soak up some sun as well. Workin on that 'base tan.'

I remember when I was younger, maybe 13- I would spend the afternoon laying out in our backyard. I'd set up a lawn chair recliner and my radio and some iced tea and I'd lay out in the sun, listening to The Countdown, American Top 40- covered in Tropical suntan oil. Not an ounce of sunblock, just oil. I remember that it was boring as hell, just laying there, but I wanted to tan. I still find laying out to be kind of boring. When I'm hanging out, talking, drinking or reading, it's fine because I'm doing something. But I never understood just laying there for hours and hours. I think I would be thinking of all the other things I should be doing.

Which is why I enjoy being here. Because while I'm not doing anything- if I was at home, I would not be able to not do anything. As it is, I have a mental list of the things I need to do when I get home. But that's not until tomorrow.

For now, I will just invade his space and enjoy the loaded fridge!! This is closest I have to a vacation, so I will enjoy what I can!!

It's a swift, spiritual kick to the head that alters your reality forever.

This morning when I was in the shower, Danny threw a book at Gabe. It was one of those cardboard books, so it may have hurt, and Gabe is kind of a sally.... So Gabe was crying and when I went to see what was up, Gabe told me that Danny hurt him by throwing a book.

I called Danny over- and he promptly ignored me. He sat on the floor, with the weapon in question. Slowly turning the pages, as if maybe I would not SEE him if he made no quick movements. I called him again, and again. The 4th time, I "middle named" him and he looked over at me, innocent as the day he was born.

He came over and I asked him, "Did you throw that book at Gabe?" He looked at Gabe, who was still crying- a little too much drama for my tastes- but he looked at Gabe, with his beautiful innocent eyes.

And if you had blinked, you'd have missed it. But I didn't.

Danny, looking towards his older brother who was crying, gave Gabe a glare that burned through the back of his head. A look that said, "Did you fucking TELL on me??" I saw it, and I think even Gabe saw it. It only lasted a second, oooh- but it was there. A look that said, "I am going to hurt you when Mom is not looking." A look that made me think that perhaps it was Danny- the sweet one, the funny one, my favorite one- got the worst trait that his father and I BOTH have.

Moral Flexibility.

It's "situational judgment." The underlying concept is that one is in general a normal, well adjusted citizen, but is also capable of preforming certain deeds which would be considered by others to be outside the normal bounds of socially acceptable behavior.

Now, Kim told me that I should not put these things out there. That I should not assume that my kids will have problems, because that is like inviting them in. But remember what I said before about the acorn and the tree?? And if you know anything about genetics... well, it was bound to happen.

It's not about the universe, it's genetics.

He did say he was sorry, and hugged his brother- but he first just tried to lean in, so Gabe could hug HIM. He was a bit apathetic about it. He didn't mean it. He said a flat, "Sorry Gabe" cause I made him say it. He had already forgotten what Gabe was carrying on about, he just wanted to read his book.

I never asked why he threw the book at Gabe, but I'm sure in Danny's little mind, Gabe had it coming- and he'll do it again if he has to.