I was watching Waiting to Exhale this morning. It's funny how the years go by and I relate to different characters in the books I loved in my 20's. Back in my very early 20's- I was Robin, the one who kept meeting the wrong men and making excuses. Now, I think I'm more Bernadine.

"I thought that if I gave him what needed, he'd give me what I need."

Yeah, I don't think that anymore. Now it's more like, "I hope if I give him what he needs- he'll stay out of my way."

Nobody seems to understand my decisions and that's fine. A friend of mine said, "Oh you're never going to leave him."

I said, "Now why would you go and say something like that? That's just mean."

What did I ever do to that guy???

Ode to my teenage years

since you been gone...

In the movie When a Man Loves a Woman there's a scene when Alice comes home and she snidely comments about all the frozen waffles, if you can get past all the frozen orange juice.

He said, "The kids like it now."

"Now?" she responds, "You mean- post shameful incarceration period."

"That's what we like to call it."


--
it's kind of like that around here.

it's when I stop caring that you need to worry....

I have these 4 stones on my desk. They are these flat shiny rocks that say Hope, Faith, Serenity, and Peace. There was one that says Courage.
Ironic that I lost that one.


I saw Revolutionary Road last night. I loved it. It was not what I expected, and I think that's simply because I don't research or pay too much attention to previews. I see Kate and Leo and I'm in.

What I found interesting is a dynamic that I thought only happened in my house. The extreme highs and lows that happen in a matter of days. Or at least what LOOK like extreme highs and lows. One evening, screaming and cursing and saying the most hateful hurtful things. The next morning- having breakfast as if it just didn't happen.

It doesn't make anything ok. Sometimes that's just how it is. Sometimes you just have to move away from the ugly place and get on with your day. Just because you are playing nice the next morning, doesn't mean that the things you said WEREN'T said.

Oh they were. I said it, you said it.
And we meant every word of it.

but here it is, 7AM. Would you like some coffee?

I can't hold back.

When Alex was 5 I took him to the movies for his birthday. It's become kind of a tradition, just the two of us. He picks the movie- we each junk food. Good times to be had by all- or at least that is what it's supposed to be.

Really, the idea was better when he was 6 and we were still seeing cartoons. I can handle cartoons easier than I can deal with Mall Cop.

Mall Cop.

A question- why is it that the previews in the theater are so fucking loud?? Do they think we can't HEAR?? Oh my God- it's like being in a Metallica Concert, only Metallica now works for DreamWorks. It makes me insane- and it happens every time. Too loud. I'm not just saying that because I'm old- I'm saying it, because I don't usually bring ear plugs with me to the theater.

The movie in itself, was just silly. It was funny, in a ridiculous kind of way- with moments that adults could appreciate, like the lochness monster tattoo after a night of drunkenness. No matches on dating sites, and really how peanut butter just fills the empty spaces in the heart. Ok, maybe that part is just something I can appreciate.

I've always had a thing for security guards. I know that sounds ridiculous, but it's oddly true. Maybe because the jobs I have had made it necessary for me to interact with security a lot. At my old job, I used to hang out with the security guard, Joel, who was really cute and who liked hot choclate and the Steelers.

Anyway- so Kevin James is one of those big handsome guys that I tend to gravitate towards. If you know me, you know that I like the big guys. It's the daddy issues, I can't stop them. However, they were pretty firmly halted for two hours today.

There was something oddly endearing about the characted he played- the awkward guy with lots of useless facts. The going nowhere job and the crush on the hot girl was pretty cliche. Maybe I didn't watch the previews- but the story line surprised me, I guess I wasn't expecting so many people to get... um... beat up. I guess you could call it that.

The best thing about this movie was the soundtrack. I found a link HERE that lists some, if not all the songs from the soundtrack.

Survivor, I Can't Hold Back. It's like Eye of the Tiger.

Without Stallone.

Christmas TV

My favorite Christmas Movie is The Ref. It's funny, it's kinda dark, sarcastic and has Kevin Spacey in it. My favorite line:

I'm gonna give you a big wooden cross so every time you feel unappreciated you can climb up and nail yourself to it.

A Christmas Story is good, of course, I watch it every year. "Fra-geeee-lay".

It must be French.

About 10 years ago, I saw It's a Wonderful Life for the first time. Don't ask me WHY it took so long to see it, it just did. I cried. I cry a lot in movies- this is no shocker. I also get teary at the end of Scrooged and and um... Home Alone.

Shut.Up.

So far I have seen the Drake and Josh Christmas movie twice. I'm sure I will see it more. I kinda dig Josh Peck, in that Disney Cougar kinda way- now that he's skinny and has that sorta gothy hair. Whatever- don't judge me. We all have our little quirks. He's kinda funny, and "Hug Me Brotha!!" always makes me smile. If you got kids, you know.

Last night I watched, the Charlie Brown Christmas Special. This year, I was asking myself why Charlie Brown never took a semi-automatic to all those fuckers who bossed him around? Really, we ask ourselves how kids LEARN to be so hateful and bully the short kid with the big head- but you know- for every holiday we gather round the TV and watch poor Chuck get ridiculed and demoralized and call it 'family time.'

I also noticed on the Thanksgiving Special that Peppermint Patty and Marci have the typical Dom/sub relationship.

Lucy is a sadistic dominatrix.

Another movie I wanna see

See more at DaneCook.com

Best line, anywhere ever.

"It's not gonna suck itself!"

what is it about this guy

that just gives me the creeps? I mean, even if he plays NOT a bad guy... something about him just bugs me... a lot.



I'm watching Matchstick Men and I don't like the scene's he's in. I have my posting screen on the HTML screen so I don't have to look at the very picture I posted.
Sam Rockell, I know he's a decent actor- he's going to be in CHOKE, which I want to see when it comes out. But you know, it's going to be hard, cause he bugs me. Not in the way Lorraine Bracco's accent bothers me, but in the "he looks like the villain in my nightmares" way.

Weird.

Movie's I plan to see...

The Wackness
This is only in limited release here in CA. The Athiest insists that I see it right away. I just like that it's the guy from Drake and Josh, all growed up- and that there is a line in the movie that says, "Does this got something to do with Kurt Cobain?

• MTV
• Music Videos
• MTV Shows
• Entertainment News

CHOKE
I'm reading this book right now. Well, listening to it. Someone who said that I AM, in fact, a beautiful and unique snowflake recommended it to me. You know, with a line like that- there isn't much I wouldn't do at his recommendation.

• MTV
• Music Videos
• MTV Shows
• Entertainment News

Check em out.

We all want to change the world.

I worked on Saturday. Normally I would groan about it, but it was another community awareness event that we sponsored. This program has been the single most frustrating work project because it was a big event with too many chiefs for any tribe.

In the end, it was about 300 people, mostly women, learning about stroke and heart disease and it was an insane success. I truly love working these events because my lack of clinical skill means that while my attendance in required- my job is to walk around and make sure things go smoothly. I got to talk to the attendees, answer the questions that I could answer, and basically be social and gracious all day long. Yes, I can be both of those things. I love community awareness events and while it was an exhausting day and I was glad to be home, I felt like for all the stress we accomplished something fantastic.

The e-husband is back in the hospital, which seems about right. It's been about 6 weeks since his last stay so he's on schedule I guess. He's been a big baby since he got there and I have done my best to enjoy not having to listen to him bitch. I realize that I have agreed, albeit reluctantly, to spend the rest of my days with this man, but I never agreed to be his emotional punching bag. I did not leave work to take him to the hospital, my sister was in the area so she picked him up and drove him there. I had offered for days previous to take him and he refused for one reason or another. Saturday he called me in the middled of the event and practically demanded that I come home and take him to the hospital. Giving up 9 hours of overtime and an event that I had a major hand in planning. No. Simply put, I said no. My sister being in the area was a fortunate coincidence and I made arrangement to get him help. My words were, "If you need help, then I can get you some, but I cannot help you right now."

Perhaps I should feel guilty, but I don't. It's not about the money, or even the job. It's about having some boundaries. If I dropped everything, every time he had a health emergency, I would never be able to do anything. I don't know if something being important to me is a trigger for him to get sick, or if it's just that he is just sick so often... Either way, I have to keep some sense of normalcy. I have to force myself to put my life first, because it is my life that makes all of our lives possible. I realize that he does not do this on purpose and it's not the same as him drinking or drugging, but this pattern is part of the same disease- and I cannot feed into it all the time. The resentment that goes along with that will destroy me. I know, I've been there.

Other than the usual drama... I saw movies this weekend. Lots of movies. Him being gone left me free to enjoy myself. I saw:

• Atonement- a beautiful downer. An great story with wonderful acting and all that. But just kind of a downer. Doesn't leave you feeling warm and fuzzy.
• Sweeney Todd- a beautiful bleeder. Oh my god, all the blood. I knew what the story was about, I just didn't realize we got to SEE all of that.
  
• Juno- Love it. Love it. Love it. It the kind of movie that makes me love seeing movies.
• The Bucket List- Not a laugh out loud kind of movie, but considering the topic... you should not be shocked.
• Across the Universe- I love this soundtrack, it just makes it all worthwhile. If you like musicals and you like the Beatles... it's great. You say you want a revolution, well, you know..
  

1:43

I am one hour and forty three minutes into "The Pursuit of Happiness." Somebody please tell me this movie has a happy ending, because I just don't think I can take much more.

What I learned from Spiderman 3

Dark and angry boys are hot.

also....

People should not be allowed to bring little kids to the movies. I'm sorry, I HAVE kids so I think it's ok for me to have this opinion. When you are watching kids movies like Sponge Bob or movies where animals talk, then you expect kids. Children crying, and running around.

Just because Spiderman is a cartoon character, does not mean that 6 year olds should see it in the movies.

Fritz the Cat is a cartoon character too.

We sat next to a stroller with a newborn baby. Maybe two months old. Luckily the baby slept through most of the movie, and when she work up, mom was quick to nurse her, and then she fell back asleep. That was the ONLY parent with a child in the theater who didn't make a sound. God love her.

The parents of the other 10 kids that were there, were jerks. A two year old got scared when the movie got loud. A 5 year old was running back and forth in the isles. Some child who was sitting as close to the center of the theater as possible started crying about 20 minutes to the end, and didn't stop.

Kids should not be expected to sit quietly through a 2 hour and 20 minute movie. Or any movie where there is no Sponge-man, or talking animal, so hearing the parent trying to quiet the child who is fucking terrified of the evil man on the 20 foot screen, only makes everyone despise you more. So, if you HAVE to be that kind of a jerk who can't get a sitter but insists on seeing a movie that a child should not be at, then at least remove the child when she starts to cry and doesn't stop.

I beg of you.

If it wasn't for dark and angry boys, I may have had a bad experience.