local douchebags

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Hot Chicks with Douchebags

Cock-a-doodle-douche!

So now it's a TV show.

I couldn't figure out how to identify California guys. There's just something SO arrogant and dickish about a lot of them. NOT all of them,but some. I think this is why I find myself gravitating towards New Yorkers, or guys from anywhere else. There's just something different. So when I saw this show- I realized immediately what it is about a lot of the OC guys- they identify it right away.

You know that guy. That guy who thinks he's so fresh he actually CALLS himself 'fresh.' He spends more time on his hair than you do. He owns a flat iron. He's kind of a chick, but with a cock and an ego. He's a younger Ryan Secreast. He's OK looking, and would be hot if he wasn't such a fucking tool. The only reason you might fuck him is because he got you drunk and maybe that's the fastest way to shut his ass up! Maybe he's got a big dick, I mean, he keeps TELLING YOU how big it is, right?

He's the OC Bag.

totally

Where's your happy place??

Last night one of the things I thought (::Grey's Anatomy::) about when Izzy was having her fantazy talks with her tumor (her dead ex) was that her quiet place, her happy place- whatever that PLACE is... was a beach.

I don't think my happy place is on a beach.  

I'm not a beach person.

Of course I'm not a mountain person either.

Or a forest person.

Certainly not a DESERT person.

Well crap... what kind of person am I?  I know that my happy place can't just be sitting on my couch with big pillows watching reruns of Dawson's Creek.  

could it?

So where's my happy place?  Where do I feel complete?  Where do I feel calm and quiet, and peaceful and happy.  

Hmmm... you're right if you thought "New York"  You know me well.  But it's specific.

There was an Italian restaurant we ate at, the second night.  It was in the Village and we sat on the street.  The lights reflecting off the street.  The buzz of the city.  The clicking of silverware and the clinking of glasses.  Watching the people walking by.  Never feeling alone.

It's as close as I can get to a happy place... and it suits me fine.

My other thought is that I think I need to refer to my ex husband(s) as "my tumors."

I won't spoil it...

But holy shit did you see that coming??

Happy Easter

Hey J-j-jaded.

Am I the only one I know who is pretty ok with the finale of last night Bachelor? It's unfortunate, but you know- some things just shouldn't be so hard. If it's not there, it's just not.

"So you don't want to fight for me?" she says. Well you know- it's too early to have to FIGHT to keep it together. Heartache sucks, but you know- I'm sure she's in the works to be the next Bachelorette- she'll recover.

People are chattering here at work about how many girls he made out with.

Yeah, apparently that is called dating.

Whatever. So he's with the other girl now. Like you never broke up with one person to be with someone else??

Please.

Besides, when you've BEEN married- I believe you know sooner what you can and can't live with. You've already been to the show. There's no point in wasting time with someone that you feel it isn't right with. Not this early.

I say, more power to ya, Jason. Don't live with regrets.


"Marriage is hard enough without bringing such low expectations in to it."~Walter.

You're just a tool

I'm currently watching two shows. Typical VH1 TV that I just love.

Tool Academy
and
Confessions of a Teen Idol

Tool Academy
You GOTTA know that I love this. Really.
Tool Academy... take 8 men... total "Tools" and their Misses Tools. Lets see if a little bit of counseling, some challenges, and all their douchebaggedness on camera- can turn them into men their mama's won't be embarrassed about. Yeah all these women should not want to be out in public with these assholes. I mean I'm sure they are nice enough in private. Charming and fun and all kinds of energy- but you know. They THOUGHT they were on a show called Mr. Awesome. Right there, that tells you that these guys are really just big sacks of sweaty cock.

Guys dancing around in their "man panties", and the REAL girlfriends of 6 years showing up out of the blue. What the hell?? The secret girlfriend sent him to the Tool Academy? Man, you gotta be the biggest. wad. ever.

Confessions of a Teen Idol

two words...
Christopher Atkins


(click for 80's nakedness)

And if he isn't enough reason for me to tune in, well it's interesting to see these guys and where they've been and what they've been through and I'm always hopeful for a happy ending.
And Eric Neis... while he's a long way from Real World... (enter dirty joke about "The Grind" here).


Yeah, he still looks good to me.

Really, I'm a sucker for a happy ending. I want these guys to do well. Even Adrian Zmed.



Probably the best dance number starring Michelle Pfeiffer in a bowling alley. And you know, here's the link to Cool Rider- cause if you watched all of the above clip, then I KNOW you're looking for it.

C-O-O-L R-I-D-E-R

Christmas TV

My favorite Christmas Movie is The Ref. It's funny, it's kinda dark, sarcastic and has Kevin Spacey in it. My favorite line:

I'm gonna give you a big wooden cross so every time you feel unappreciated you can climb up and nail yourself to it.

A Christmas Story is good, of course, I watch it every year. "Fra-geeee-lay".

It must be French.

About 10 years ago, I saw It's a Wonderful Life for the first time. Don't ask me WHY it took so long to see it, it just did. I cried. I cry a lot in movies- this is no shocker. I also get teary at the end of Scrooged and and um... Home Alone.

Shut.Up.

So far I have seen the Drake and Josh Christmas movie twice. I'm sure I will see it more. I kinda dig Josh Peck, in that Disney Cougar kinda way- now that he's skinny and has that sorta gothy hair. Whatever- don't judge me. We all have our little quirks. He's kinda funny, and "Hug Me Brotha!!" always makes me smile. If you got kids, you know.

Last night I watched, the Charlie Brown Christmas Special. This year, I was asking myself why Charlie Brown never took a semi-automatic to all those fuckers who bossed him around? Really, we ask ourselves how kids LEARN to be so hateful and bully the short kid with the big head- but you know- for every holiday we gather round the TV and watch poor Chuck get ridiculed and demoralized and call it 'family time.'

I also noticed on the Thanksgiving Special that Peppermint Patty and Marci have the typical Dom/sub relationship.

Lucy is a sadistic dominatrix.

Is it Monday yet?

Tonight is the Season Finale of The Pick Up Artist 2. Really what a bunch of douche bags.

Not because the tactics don't work. I can see how they would work, but it's sad to think that these seemingly nice guys are being taught the art of douchebaggery by a guy who wears a fuzzy top hat.

I am going to watch this though, because I've been watching all season and I think the goofy guy is going to win cause he's transformed from a total fucking spaz to a freak with some moves and I think a lip piercing.  I can see how Mystery (really dude??) is a good looking guy and he kind of reminds me of a combination of TWO guys I'd totally bang- but without the fuzzy hat.  What's with the fuzzy hat?

Also I think some mindless television will help me shake off this weekend.  I'm never taking 5 days off of work if I'm not leaving town.  Mike was in the hospital this weekend and really and these kids were REALLY assholes this weekend.  Really.

Alex yelled at me.  YELLED at me.  Ummm- excuse me?  In what fucking planet is THAT acceptable, you little prick??  (no I didn't say that, exactly)

Fave TV.

House is one of my favorite shows on TV.  On USA they seem to be showing several hours every night.  It's always exciting to me to know a little bit about what they are talking about.  

However I find it interesting:

There are no nurses, unless someone occasionally yells for one.

The doctors draw their own labs.

They do their own radiology scans.

The doctors go to your house to look for stuff to make sense of your condition.

They do every kind of surgery.

Well, that's ok.  I still like it.  I know for a fact that Neurologists don't look like Patrick Dempsey.

Hurray for Gay Weddings!!

From the Ellen Show. Really so beautiful. How can this be wrong?

click to go to the website.

I'm in it for Brandon

Ok I know he's not there. But you know, I always loved him. More than Dylan, which is surprising cause you know me and my thing for the Bad Boys.

I mean, check out that hair!!! He was the smart guy, and the writer- and while I always loved the dirty bad boys, always had girl wood for the smart guys. Still do.



I was a loyal watcher for many years. Many many, until the wedding.
The wedding that wasn't.



And no- I DIDN'T see that coming. I was angry, and I stopped watching until the VERY end when David and Donna DID get married.

So they have brought the show back, and I have talked to a handful of mid-thirty somethings that are secretly tuning in to watch. I'm watching so cause I need some good guilty TV. I was a big Dawson's Creek fan too- even though I got a little burned by that too. I mean, I love Joshua Jackson like a virgin loves prom night, but I still think that Dawson should have gotten the girl. It was HIS creek, you know?

So back to the show. You may not want to see it, but you know, there's this girl...



I mean, holy hot girl, Brenda!! Like I won't sit through this show just to get all cougar gay over HER once a week?

Some of my favorite Friends moments.

Cause I feel like it.... c'mon D- watch it. you know you wanna!!


I want a hopping bonus for my life.



I'm buyin a coyote.



SEVEN!!

Shiny and New

Life is way good when you got people who know stuff.
--
Who the fuck stole Kurt Cobain's ashes?? I mean what a douche bag. I admit that back when he died, I was a bit resistant to the "voice of a generation" thing- but now I admit that his music is good. His lyrics were amazing. I didn't appreciate it when I was 22. But then, what DID I appreciate back then??
--
So do you Twitter? I have twitter, but I don't use it as often as I'd like to. I would use it more, if people talked to me. Maybe if I used it more, people would talk to me. I don't know.
If you Twit, then I am at juliedoyaloveme. So you know, find me, and you know- I totally will keep up with all the minute details of your day. Really.
--
Can anyone tell me how to get back into the swing of things?? I feel so very displaced lately. The e-husband is struggling through depression worse than I've ever seen it. It is knocking me off my balance.
--
Last night I watched the pilot episode for In Plain Sight.



Wow, is she HOT or what??

My favorite American Idol Finale Moments.

Some of my favorite Idol moments from Tuesday.

Guitar Hero



I love watching David Cook's version of this. You can tell he plays the guitar- and that he has SEEN the movie. That he wore the briefs- cause you know- you GOTTA rock the briefs with this.
Archie?? Well I get this very creepy, "pedophilic" feeling watching him. And he's in boxers, whatever, and you can tell he does NOT play guitar. Does his dad even let him PAY Guitar Hero??

The Letter



I really look forward to what both of these two have in store. I also found this on YouTube from the Ellen show. One. Amazing. I can't wait to see these guys on tour. Michael Johns was the other guy I voted for all season.

Last Name



Wow, didn't she look great??

George Michael montage, and GEORGE MICHAEL



Michael John's singing the first verse and David Cook singing the last verse of Father Figure is a panty dropper for me, baby. And you know, I love George Michael. He sounded a bit "unlike him" but still- true love lasts forever. This is one of my all time favorite songs- ever.

The Win.

Yeah- we've all seen it. I admit it- I screamed, and then I cried.




It's hard for me to say exactly what it is about this guy that has struck such a chord in me, perhaps it was his songs, perhaps it was the fact that his voice sort of settles into the back of my spine the way very few singers do. Perhaps it's that he seems like a genuinely humble and grateful guy. Maybe it's just the bartender thing. I pray he's not an addict of sorts, because if he was, well then there would be no question why I like him. Either way, I can't wait to see him on the Idol Tour. And yes, I'm going. July 7th.

Scott Baio is a whiny little girl.

I'm watching Scott Baio is 46 and Pregnant. I did not watch Season One, but I am watching the first show of THIS season in which he is dealing with his upcoming fatherhood. The first episode here takes you through the first 30 some odd weeks of the pregnancy. He's going to be a father in less than three months, and this guy is STILL whining. He doesn't want to know the sex (which is concealed in an envelope) because he does not want to face that it's real. He takes a daddy to be class and is FREAKED out when a real baby is passed around. He still wants to just coast through life.
I understand wanting to hang on to your bachelorhood and all that, but you know- at age 46- it should not take that long to at least GRASP on to the idea that you are going to have a baby.

Come on Scott, take off your dress and lets end this tea party!!!

If he was MY hero...

I've been watching Heroes on Netflix for the last week or so. Every night after the beasties are in bed, I curl into bed with my laptop and watch anywhere from 2 to 5 episodes of Heroes. I have 4 more to go to get through season 1. And then I think we are 4 episodes into season 2.

Ok, I fucken LOVE that show. I am absolutely shocked to find out how everyone is interrelated. Not to mention I fall asleep dreaming about Peter Petrelli, and the guy who plays him on TV. Milo Ventimiglia. He is fuck-me yummyyyy...




My crush is more on Peter than on Milo. Milo is gorgeous and talented, but he's young and probably dates other young, gorgeous and talented people. Peter can absorb the powers from the other heroes and he's gonna save the world or something. He's all super strength, regenerating, flying, and such. Not to mention he's kinda dark and powerful right now. And you know how I love em when they are like that. All I know is that I go to sleep every night dreaming about him and I imagine that he fucks like a superhero. Peter Petrelli, is in general, a sweet guy. A nurse and a family kind of guy. But you know he likes it rough. With powers like that- are you kidding me? All super and powerful. You know, in the good and dirty, pull my hair and make me call you Daddy kind of way. These are what my dreams involve lately. And sometimes he brings his hot politician brother with him.



I'm SOOO down with that. Talk about a dream come true!!!

Have I ever mentioned that I HATE Halloween?!?!?

I am not happy with my new cable service. For starters, the guy did not know how to set up the internet. He tried, but he was like a monkey fucking a football. I tried it, and I thought it was working but later I realized it wasn't. He didn't set up the modem for wireless. Douche. So later I called Comcast and they set up a service call for me later this week. I unhooked everything he did, and hooked back up my DSL stuff. He left me the disc, so I might take the time and go through the very comprehensive instructions and do it myself, just to prove that I can- but you know, it pisses me off that they sent a guy out who was reading the instructions while he was doing it. Aren't these guys supposed to be totally trained in this crap?

So then last night, the cable in the boys room went out. Fuckkkkkk. The menu works and all that- but there is just no picture. Lovely. I called this morning and me and the guy on the phone reset the machine, twice- but still nothing. So he added it to the work order to look at the box again.

E-husband was in my hospital last week. He was not on my floor, thank god- but he was there. He met a few of my friends, including the hot butchy lesbian who is single again. No shock there. He said he could totally see why I like her. Please... I have excellent taste in women.

--

My ex husband called me on Friday and wanted to know if I was taking Alex out for Halloween. Ummmmm, no.

1) I have class on Wednesdays.
2) I don't know if e-husband will be in town, or feeling well enough to take the kids out.
3) He's almost 13. He's TOO OLD to go trick or treating.

I seriously HATE teenagers who come to my door for Halloween. Costumed or not. If you are not accompanying a much younger sibling- I seethe at you, taking my candy. Get a fucking job.

Alex just wants the candy. I told him that I'd give him $10 and he can buy a variety pack of candy. That will cost a lot less than a costume and the time, energy and RAGE I will feel knowing that my almost 13year old son is out trick or treating. There is a dance at school that he wants to go to and I'm fine with that. If his friends are going T or Ting, then he is welcome to tag along with them. But I'm not taking him, and I'm not going to spend $25+ on a costume when all he really wants is a plastic weapon and candy.

If e-husband is in town and feeling well, he may take the little ones to one of the carnival things they have at the local parks here. And Alex can go with then of course, but I'm not investing in a costume. The little ones won't dress up. They are just weird about stuff like that.

I'm not against the dressing up, it's the trick or treating that I hate. I have nothing against putting on a costume. I did it when I was little. My mom used to make me the MOST kick ass costumes. I remember one year I was a spanish dancer. My mom made me this ruffled layered skirt that was red and black. It was beautiful. I played in it a lot. But even when I was younger, I was not comfortable with trick or treating.

We encourage our children not to talk to strangers, certainly don't take anything from them. Except the one day a year that we make them unrecognizable and encourage them to go to the doors of SEVERAL strangers and ask for it. ugh.

The LAST TIME I went trick or treating, I was in high school. My friends were going and they pressured me to go. They were really good at peer pressure (face it Carrie- you were), and I was a fucking doormat. So I dressed up with them, but I did NOT go to doors. I was totally mortified by my friends being complete hoses- trick or treating well after you've developed B cup tits. It's shameful.

Dancin with the stars is back!!

Oh I love this show. I'm not familiar with the men dancing, only Wayne Fucken Newton!!!! I'm excited to see him dancing. I just think he's gonna be so slick.

Tonights it's the women dancing.

Jenny Garth out of the gate. Not bad. She needs to loosen up a bit. But she's so pretty it's hard not to stare. All made up, she STILL looks like Kelli. Don't get me started on 90210. I watched the season finale, and that anniversary thing. But I stopped watching RELIGIOUSLY when Kelli and Brandon didn't get married. I felt robbed- really. After all that time- I felt they owed me that one.

Josie Maran. Supermodel. She introduced herself as a supermodel. Ouch. That was not pretty. I loved the judges comment "the only consistent thing was that your footwork was horrible." Particularly harsh, but that doesn't mean it's not true.

Sabrina the Cheetah Girl. I loved that movie. She's a dancer, so I had high hopes going in. WOW!!! She kicked ass!!!
Kicked
Fucking
Ass

The judged didn't like her hiphop mixed in, but her Cha Cha was fantastic.

(side note- my son is on the other PC here- having a 12 year old boy 'hissy fit' because his headphones are wrapped up in his chair. I told him to stop crying and get off his ass and actually LOOK at the cord that is wrapped up. It's like watching my ex husband try to hook up a stereo system. Lots of cussing and whipping of hands! I am trying not to laugh at him.)

Ok- Marie Osmond. Oh I just love her. She's so funny "Single, over 45, alotta kids." HA HA!!! LOVE HER. I loved her TV show. I love Donny. Yeah, I said it. I think people will love her because she is loveable and LIKEABLE. Her dancing was classy, and she's just so genuine. "I'm not gonna throw in the towel- I hate laundry." Oh, that is such a great line!!!

Left to dance is Mel the Spicegirl (didn't she have Eddie Murphy's baby)- and Jane Seymour. I think Jayne Seymour could kick her ass if needed. But then again, Scary Spice. She has on bright green legwarmers in rehearsal. yeah, that's scary. But her performance was good. Not exciting, but very good. And I DO love her partner Maksim. He's a sexy imported yummy cookie, that one.



Jane Seymour is elegant. Bond Girl, Medicine Woman. I hope she does well. Oh... her story is so nice. She wanted to BE a dancer, but had an injury at 16. awwwww. She's so graceful, beautiful. Gave me chills. I'm so glad to see that.

So those were the women. I suspect the Supermodel will be the first woman to go, simply because she is just out of her element.

Did you watch?? what did you think???

Why I love Ty.

For starters, I love men who can fix shit. That's a big deal. Men with tools and stuff. I have a thing about work gloves and tool belts.



My dad used to fix stuff. He was a freakin carpenter, like Jesus. Ok, maybe not LIKE Jesus- but you know- they were in the same trade. My dad used to build mobile homes. He also used to drive his companies float for the Rose Parade every year.

or so I'm told.

I love Extreme Makeover- Home Edition because it makes me cry at the end no matter how much of the show I've seen. Like the movie, Homeward Bound. I always fucken cry when the old dog comes hobbling up over the hill, "Oh Peter I missed you." (gettin misty over here). EM-HE does that for me. It just makes me fucken cry every time. I love what they do for people. Just the words "Move That Bus!" and I cry like a baby.

Nobody is ever unhappy to see Ty coming. He can show up unexpectedly and nobody minds. Ty brings good news, he's like Santa Clause. And don't start with the DUI, he SAID he was sorry.

I trust Ty.

He can decorate my bed any day.

Do you Jimmy?

Bernie Mac was on Jimmy Kimmel last night. He is a pimp, that Bernie Mac. He was in a peachy/ orange shirt and pants and a hat. It was cool. I wish I could find a picture of it.

I do watch Jimmy Kimmel most nights of the week. I always liked him, even when he was just "Jimmy the Sports Guy" on my favorite LA radio station. He did a really funny (albeit bad) impression of Carl Malone, (from the "Utahr Jazz") and had kids call in to Santa Karl at Christmas time.

He does this thing at the end of the show where he apologizes to Matt Damon for running out of time. I guess it started when Matt Damon, (who- aside from his other movies, had a cameo in the movie School Daze as a character called Edgar Pudwhacker) cancelled on Jimmy's show several times. So then it became a running joke that he would bump him from the show. At the end of every show he always says, "My apologies to Matt Damon, we;ve run out of time."

I found this video online of a time when Jimmy actually HAD him on the show.

Matt Damon Flips Out on Jimmy Kimmel

Posted Sep 16, 2006

Apparently it was a joke, but really funny just the same. Last night, Guillermo, who is the 'parking lot' attendant got to go to the Premier for Ocean's 13 and he talked to stars on the red carpet. In the end, Matt Damon came over and he said, "Oh- I'm out of time!" and he turned his back to him. It was hilarious!!!

Apparently Jimmy's girlfriend, Sarah Silverman made the comment at the end of the MTV awards this month. I love her too. Here is an awesome clip about her love for cheese.



If you look around youtube, you can find "Give the Jew Girl Toys" which is another great one.

I would so fuck her.