I seem to be having from some sort of breakdown or crisis and I didn't notice it until my boss called me to task yesterday. In a big way. I didn't get fired or anything, but it was just pointed out that my work has been subpar. I have unfinished projects. I'm behind on a lot of things. I didn't really have any good explanation for it.
When I got home last night I realized that the laundry was still piled up. Both clean and dirty laundry. It's been a three days since we've needed it and I seem to be just making quick trips to the grocery store to pick up what is needed for that day- but I haven't gone 'shopping'.
I have a 5 page paper due on Sunday that I have not looked at yet. I have a homework assignment due on Thursday.
I'm behind on my life.
Really, I don't care.
I am detached and indifferent and while I know I can't LET it happen, but part of me just doesn't CARE if all the pieces of my life crumble in front of me. Even acknowledging it, doesn't encourage me to change it. I find myself begrudgingly making lists t0 organize my life. Planning out the next 5 days in order to get my work done, my homework done, the laundry, the shopping, clean the house... blah blah blah.
The truth is, though, that I really don't care right now. I feel like I'm standing outside looking in- watching what is going on in this life as if it's not even mine. Not really caring too much what anyone has to say about it either. I don't want to spend a breath of energy on this tasks that don't seem to ADD anything to my life, but just make it possible for me to keep living it in the silently desperate state that I live it in.
I'll get back on the ball, because I know I have to. I'll spend a week playing catch up and then return to "life" as normal. I have no joy- I think that's my problem. I just want to focus on the things that make me laugh, and make me feel good- emotionally and physically. Not the things that I have to do in order to keep someone else in the miserable yet protected state he's in. I'm over it. I'm very much over my life, and even though it's supposed to change soon- I have my doubts.
It's time to go to work know... I'll set this to post later this afternoon, unless I change my mind or decide to snap out of it.
About Me
- Julie
- Using my 40's as a do-over for my thirties, only smarter. I often mistake the bees and honey reference with the one about free milk and a cow. This might explain my whole life.
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 03, 2009
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Coffee anyone??
My morning cup of coffee. I have been trying to drink LESS coffee as I'm trying to watch my blood pressure- but I have to at least have one or two.
I found out yesterday that my brand new office, is being given to someone else. Serious Work Fail. Someone needs an office, and so a series of decisions that I was not at all privvy to came to the conclusion that I am going to be sharing an office, on the other side of the floor. Ugh. I won't be right outside the nursing station on the Neuro Unit, but off the Unit all together and next to the elevator. It will make it less convenient for me to know the goings on, on the floor and I know if I'm seen poking around the hall, I'll look like I'm loitering and not actually working. With the nurses station right outside my office, I can loiter all I want to and still look busy!!
I'm not pleased but I guess I need to be grateful that I still have a job.
I will be farther away from a printer (I'm getting one of my own), the restroom, and the coffee machine. I wonder if I will drink LESS coffee this way because I will have to walk a little farther to get coffee?
I haven't gotten Half Nekkid in a while, but I decided it wouldn't hurt to show off my creamy delicious C(offee) cup(s).
Now go see Os and tell him I sent ya!!
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
I even have a window!!
I officially have my own office at work. It's pretty cool. I've never had my own office before. Even when I was a store manager, there was THE office, but it was shared with my assistants. This past week my boss and I finally got our own offices. My office is pretty big actually. I have to be careful though about staying focused, yesterday I caught myself staring out the window at the steam rising out of the building across the way. For 10 minutes.
I'd like to put a big futon or one of those papasan chairs to put in here so I can nap on my lunch break- or so I have a place to just SLEEP if I can't stay at home. I wonder who would even notice if I only went home to shower and change clothes?
My marriage is kind of at a stand still but there is definately a direction I am facing. That direction is out. I won't bother spending any time bashing my husband because I know some blame is mine- but this doesn't work anymore- plain and simple. I'm giving him a few months to get himself together and find a place- but my goal is that he is moved out by summer. That's 4 months.
So the papasan chair might be a really good idea. I think I saw one online at Pier 1 for under $100.
I'd like to put a big futon or one of those papasan chairs to put in here so I can nap on my lunch break- or so I have a place to just SLEEP if I can't stay at home. I wonder who would even notice if I only went home to shower and change clothes?
My marriage is kind of at a stand still but there is definately a direction I am facing. That direction is out. I won't bother spending any time bashing my husband because I know some blame is mine- but this doesn't work anymore- plain and simple. I'm giving him a few months to get himself together and find a place- but my goal is that he is moved out by summer. That's 4 months.
So the papasan chair might be a really good idea. I think I saw one online at Pier 1 for under $100.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
25 things
I know I know... I've done these a few times, but my cousin tagged me and I just never say no to her cause she never asks for anything. I'm gonna do it here on my blog and not Facebook cause I need something to post here anyway and I'm not gonna tag anyone cause if I tagged you, you probably did it already. So here's my 25 things that maybe you did or did not know about me.
1. I cry at movies. A lot. I cried watching Bolt, and today I cried at the end of Rocky II. I cry more over movies and TV shows than I do about real life.
2. When I do cry about real life, I find it really hard to stop and I will cry on and off all day.
3. I still cry about my husband, more often than I care to admit, but he doesn't (and won't) know about it.
4. I starting blogging three years and 4 months ago. The blog was dedicated mostly to my journey in Al-Anon.
5. I have written more than 1500 blog posts between all the blogs I write and write for and there are people who have read every word I've ever written- or at least come very close to it.
6. To my knowledge, my husband has never read anything that I've written nor has he taken an interest in doing so. Probably a good thing because I tend to be seen quite often in various stages of undressed.
7. I was a dancer when I was younger. I've never loved any hobby or pastime more than when I was a dancer- but I stopped after highschool and haven't taken a class or performed since.
8. ...except for my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary.
9. My roots are grounded in my family. They are the hardest ones to turn to when I need them, but I know that they are always there. Always.
(this is my most favorite picture in the entire world)
10. While I am not making enough money to adequately support my family, 95% of the time, I LOVE my job and I LOVE the people that I work with. I finally feel like I'm doing something that matters.
11. I am trusting and forgiving to a fault. If you tell me you're sorry, I will believe you. Even if I should never forgive you, I will- I'm just that way.
12. ...unless you are now or were ever my husband.
13. I didn't want kids when I was a teenager. It wasn't until I dated someone who told me he couldn't have and didn't WANT kids that I even considered it.
14. A boss I had said something to me that quite often helps me make hard decisions. He said, "When you are an old woman and you look back on your life, what do you want to see?"
15. I have had sex with four of my supervisors. (Person from #14 was NOT one of them)
16. How I met my first husband: I gave him a job. Scheduled him to work with me all the time and hit on him the first chance I got. I married him later...
17. The weirdest toy I ever got to review was a big round egg shaped vibe that had these plastic nubby things on it that were kinda pokey. I looks like a blowfish and I was tempted to put eyes on it and throw it in a tank of water.
seriously right???
18. There is rarely an important decision I make in which I don't first consult my best friend Ed, it's been like that since I was about 19.
19. Oh my god, really.... twenty five????
20. I have not decided if I want to go to the 20 year high school reunion.
21. I have realized that I sometimes talk about things in MY world that don't translate the same in YOUR world. For example- me talking about dildo's is about as normal as talking about kitchen appliances or lampshades. I forget that for most people, sex is something they just don't talk about.
22. I have also realized that by letting people know that I am totally open in talking about it, people will open up to me and often feel good about admitting things they think are weird or crazy. Trust me, nothing shocks me.
23. I have a girl friend who I let tie me up with ropes, cause she needs the practice.
(that is a chest harness and a spreader bar)
24. It's 12:30, one more gratuitous picture of me and I'm going to bed.
25. Goodnight.
1. I cry at movies. A lot. I cried watching Bolt, and today I cried at the end of Rocky II. I cry more over movies and TV shows than I do about real life.
2. When I do cry about real life, I find it really hard to stop and I will cry on and off all day.
3. I still cry about my husband, more often than I care to admit, but he doesn't (and won't) know about it.
4. I starting blogging three years and 4 months ago. The blog was dedicated mostly to my journey in Al-Anon.
5. I have written more than 1500 blog posts between all the blogs I write and write for and there are people who have read every word I've ever written- or at least come very close to it.
6. To my knowledge, my husband has never read anything that I've written nor has he taken an interest in doing so. Probably a good thing because I tend to be seen quite often in various stages of undressed.
7. I was a dancer when I was younger. I've never loved any hobby or pastime more than when I was a dancer- but I stopped after highschool and haven't taken a class or performed since.
8. ...except for my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary.
9. My roots are grounded in my family. They are the hardest ones to turn to when I need them, but I know that they are always there. Always.
(this is my most favorite picture in the entire world)
10. While I am not making enough money to adequately support my family, 95% of the time, I LOVE my job and I LOVE the people that I work with. I finally feel like I'm doing something that matters.
11. I am trusting and forgiving to a fault. If you tell me you're sorry, I will believe you. Even if I should never forgive you, I will- I'm just that way.
12. ...unless you are now or were ever my husband.
13. I didn't want kids when I was a teenager. It wasn't until I dated someone who told me he couldn't have and didn't WANT kids that I even considered it.
14. A boss I had said something to me that quite often helps me make hard decisions. He said, "When you are an old woman and you look back on your life, what do you want to see?"
15. I have had sex with four of my supervisors. (Person from #14 was NOT one of them)
16. How I met my first husband: I gave him a job. Scheduled him to work with me all the time and hit on him the first chance I got. I married him later...
17. The weirdest toy I ever got to review was a big round egg shaped vibe that had these plastic nubby things on it that were kinda pokey. I looks like a blowfish and I was tempted to put eyes on it and throw it in a tank of water.
seriously right???
18. There is rarely an important decision I make in which I don't first consult my best friend Ed, it's been like that since I was about 19.
19. Oh my god, really.... twenty five????
20. I have not decided if I want to go to the 20 year high school reunion.
21. I have realized that I sometimes talk about things in MY world that don't translate the same in YOUR world. For example- me talking about dildo's is about as normal as talking about kitchen appliances or lampshades. I forget that for most people, sex is something they just don't talk about.
22. I have also realized that by letting people know that I am totally open in talking about it, people will open up to me and often feel good about admitting things they think are weird or crazy. Trust me, nothing shocks me.
23. I have a girl friend who I let tie me up with ropes, cause she needs the practice.
(that is a chest harness and a spreader bar)
24. It's 12:30, one more gratuitous picture of me and I'm going to bed.
25. Goodnight.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Crazy never sleeps
There was an altercation at my work the other day. I work at a hospital and occasionally people get angry and things start to happen. The nurse manger got punched in the face once. Nurses get grabbed and swung at. Once a crazy patient threatened to stab a little girl with a pencil (that he got from the chapel!)
I did not hear about this entire event, and really I didn't need to. Apparently though, it was between family members. No not brothers and sisters...
But the family members of one patients and the family members of the patient in the next bed.
Oh yeah, you heard me.
They were in the inside of the patients' room when it stared, but apparently SOMEONE said, "They ought to get this fucking illegal alien out of this room!"
Yeah, you can see how nicely THAT went over.
Both families- each containing a few people EACH were ushered into the hall way once the yelling started and then it got very loud, and ugly racists words were exchanged and security was called- STAT. I am not sure exactly who hit whom first, but I heard there was some swinging involved. Security did not get there fast enough, and you know- what's FAST ENOUGH when you are throwing out ugly things like that.
This is a community hospital people- where we, as health care professionals have a responsibility to care for people who come through the doors. I don't fucking care about your political beliefs OR your complete LACK of class and human decency. Shut the fuck up. Really- all parties ought to be ashamed of themselves.
Health care is a human right. Take your bullshit someplace else.
I did not hear about this entire event, and really I didn't need to. Apparently though, it was between family members. No not brothers and sisters...
But the family members of one patients and the family members of the patient in the next bed.
Oh yeah, you heard me.
They were in the inside of the patients' room when it stared, but apparently SOMEONE said, "They ought to get this fucking illegal alien out of this room!"
Yeah, you can see how nicely THAT went over.
Both families- each containing a few people EACH were ushered into the hall way once the yelling started and then it got very loud, and ugly racists words were exchanged and security was called- STAT. I am not sure exactly who hit whom first, but I heard there was some swinging involved. Security did not get there fast enough, and you know- what's FAST ENOUGH when you are throwing out ugly things like that.
This is a community hospital people- where we, as health care professionals have a responsibility to care for people who come through the doors. I don't fucking care about your political beliefs OR your complete LACK of class and human decency. Shut the fuck up. Really- all parties ought to be ashamed of themselves.
Health care is a human right. Take your bullshit someplace else.
Sunday, January 04, 2009
always sunny.... in a rich mans world
So I have been not so good with posting every day here. I don't know why, I guess I just don't have too much to say. I mean, seriously can I bitch incessantly about my husband, ever day?
Well, of course I CAN-
but I'm not gonna cause if I bore myself, I suspect you all must be clicking away like I had posted the Gen Simmons sex tape.
Hey, not that he's not allowed to fuck, but like- I don't wanna see it. Really, that's sayin a lot.
My classes start again tomorrow. Statistics, something miserable like that. I hope it will be engaging and such and not bore me to tears like my LAST stats class did. I guess I should be really interested in it, considered data analysis and all that is my job.
Speaking of jobs... I really need to figure out what I want to do about mine. Now I do love my job. I've said that before. My boss is a little overbearing and controlling, but you know- she's like 9 kinds of awesome really- and if I stepped up my game she wouldn't have to get on my case. The problem is that I just don't make enough money.
Now I know that in this economy I should be grateful to just have a job. Believe me, I AM. I am SOOO happy to JUST have a job. There are a lot of people who have recently lost thiers. I am also terrified of change. My big fears about finding a new job are that I will HATE the new job, or they will hate me. My job searches have all been out of necessity.
One would argue that supplementing my families income with student loans constitutes necessity for a better paying job. I know this. I will have close to $80K in student loans when I'm done with grad school. This 80K will have supplemented my income over the span of 6 years, give or take. Even with that extra 13K a year, roughly, it's still been tight. I am lucky that I am not without help when I needed it. I have a relatively ideal system when it comes to day care. "Relatively" because my parents helps a lot and I pay them a little- and the highest cost is having my parents tell me how to be a parent- and you know that always goes over like a big shit sandwhich.
I do keep my eyes open for better paying jobs. I just don't look actively. It's a taxing process and right now I don't WANT to invest the time in something that scares me so much. Somedays I think my life is stressful enough without borrowing trouble, you know?
So anyway. Here's hoping this year will be a good year for sex toy sales. If Mike get healthier, maybe I can get a weekend job. Stop groaning. I like to work those second weekend job things cause usually they are at a less suckable place, the shifts are short and it doesn't make me feel bad to quit when I have to.
Maybe I'll go apply at A Touch of Romance.
You know what's funny- is that my husband actually complains when I talk about getting a second job. He, unable to work, bitches when I talk about working more to make more money so that you know... I can knock out the rent.
ohh... don't get me started.
Friday, December 12, 2008
precious and unpredictable
A patient died yesterday. Of course, this is not shocking- in hospitals, people die every day. However this patient wasn't expected to die. Despite the fact that he was in the hospital, he wasn't even very sick.
Rarely do we get 'codes' on my floor. I don't work in the ER or the ICU. When the code was called everyone goes running to assist, or just as spectators. I did stand close by, watching the action.
I watched as the nurses I work with, my neuro nurses- specifically two very seasons nurses and one younger nurse- used every skill they have to save this patient. I watched the sweat drip from thier brows as they relentlessly administered CPR for over an hour. The Code Team was amazing. Amidst all the chaos, you could tell that they knew what they were doing. Physicians, nurses, respiratory, pharmacy, lab- even nurses aids were on hand to run for supplies needed. It was critical and everyone knew it.
The patient was not yet 50. The spouse appeared younger. I stood in the vicinity as the physician told her that after 80 minutes, and shocking his heart numerous times (I counted at least 10) they were unable to revive him. They worked so hard. Everyone seemed very defeated. The spouse was devastated. All of us were crying, even myself.
I was only able to see the patient from the chest down, depending on where I was standing. I've never actually seen someone getting CPR before. The amount of force that truly goes in to manually pumping someones heart, I wonder how often patients who have recieved CPR have broken bones. I noticed how his legs went from a fleshy color, to a dusky pale white as the time passed. I noticed how when they shocked his heart, his legs jerked inwards. I noticed how the physician on the case kept mouthing the words, "Come on... come on," even after so much time had passed, I think a lot of people in the room were skeptical that they would get him back.
I also took a moment to wonder how I would feel. If a physician was explaining to me that there was nothing more they could do for my husband. The widow was hysterical. Her husband was not sick enough to die so suddenly.
Life is precious and unpredictable. I experienced that yesterday. I watched a team of people fight to save this mans life. There was noise, and a lot of people, and blood. There was yelling and tears and the looks of despair and sorrow on the faces of these people who tried desperately to save him. Facing the wife, who just lost her husband, the physician didn't appear stoic or unmoved. He was sorry. I admired the nurses, my friends, for thier strength and composure. It's rare that you get to see people at thier true best. I believe I witnessed that.
I went back to my office after they called the time of death, realizing how THAT part is the only thing that looks like it does on TV. I started to cry.
No, it's not at all like it looks on TV.
Rarely do we get 'codes' on my floor. I don't work in the ER or the ICU. When the code was called everyone goes running to assist, or just as spectators. I did stand close by, watching the action.
I watched as the nurses I work with, my neuro nurses- specifically two very seasons nurses and one younger nurse- used every skill they have to save this patient. I watched the sweat drip from thier brows as they relentlessly administered CPR for over an hour. The Code Team was amazing. Amidst all the chaos, you could tell that they knew what they were doing. Physicians, nurses, respiratory, pharmacy, lab- even nurses aids were on hand to run for supplies needed. It was critical and everyone knew it.
The patient was not yet 50. The spouse appeared younger. I stood in the vicinity as the physician told her that after 80 minutes, and shocking his heart numerous times (I counted at least 10) they were unable to revive him. They worked so hard. Everyone seemed very defeated. The spouse was devastated. All of us were crying, even myself.
I was only able to see the patient from the chest down, depending on where I was standing. I've never actually seen someone getting CPR before. The amount of force that truly goes in to manually pumping someones heart, I wonder how often patients who have recieved CPR have broken bones. I noticed how his legs went from a fleshy color, to a dusky pale white as the time passed. I noticed how when they shocked his heart, his legs jerked inwards. I noticed how the physician on the case kept mouthing the words, "Come on... come on," even after so much time had passed, I think a lot of people in the room were skeptical that they would get him back.
I also took a moment to wonder how I would feel. If a physician was explaining to me that there was nothing more they could do for my husband. The widow was hysterical. Her husband was not sick enough to die so suddenly.
Life is precious and unpredictable. I experienced that yesterday. I watched a team of people fight to save this mans life. There was noise, and a lot of people, and blood. There was yelling and tears and the looks of despair and sorrow on the faces of these people who tried desperately to save him. Facing the wife, who just lost her husband, the physician didn't appear stoic or unmoved. He was sorry. I admired the nurses, my friends, for thier strength and composure. It's rare that you get to see people at thier true best. I believe I witnessed that.
I went back to my office after they called the time of death, realizing how THAT part is the only thing that looks like it does on TV. I started to cry.
No, it's not at all like it looks on TV.
Sunday, June 08, 2008
Easy like Sunday Morning.
The weekend was lovely. It was my first weekend that I didn't have homework, a headache nor did I have to climb Mount Laundry. I slept in AND napped. We went out to the pool both days, briefly. I even got to watch a movie last night on TV. I was in bed before midnight last night.
Even had a little bit of sex top it off. Ok, well maybe it wasn't sex, but it was an orgasm- and you know... that's pretty good too. ;)
My step daughter is flying into town tonight. She will be here for a month. She's staying with her grandmother, so the e-husband will be gone on and off for the next three or four weeks. Once I get back from NY, he will have to be here during the week, so maybe she will come and stay with us for a few days. It will be great to see her.
This is the last week of school for the boys, so the e-husband will be home with them through the summer. I'm upping Alex's allowance to help out with the boys over the summer and I'm going back to my 6:30 to 3 work schedule so I can get off work early. If the e-husband is having a rough day, my mom is close by and she has said she will help out after noon, and I will be home by 3:30 ish. It's going to save me $600 a month, and cost me only $20. Score!
My brother is getting married this summer- I think this would be perfect for the first dance. Whatta ya think D?
WAIT!!! This is even better. It's long... but you know- worth it...
Even had a little bit of sex top it off. Ok, well maybe it wasn't sex, but it was an orgasm- and you know... that's pretty good too. ;)
My step daughter is flying into town tonight. She will be here for a month. She's staying with her grandmother, so the e-husband will be gone on and off for the next three or four weeks. Once I get back from NY, he will have to be here during the week, so maybe she will come and stay with us for a few days. It will be great to see her.
This is the last week of school for the boys, so the e-husband will be home with them through the summer. I'm upping Alex's allowance to help out with the boys over the summer and I'm going back to my 6:30 to 3 work schedule so I can get off work early. If the e-husband is having a rough day, my mom is close by and she has said she will help out after noon, and I will be home by 3:30 ish. It's going to save me $600 a month, and cost me only $20. Score!
My brother is getting married this summer- I think this would be perfect for the first dance. Whatta ya think D?
WAIT!!! This is even better. It's long... but you know- worth it...
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Ar-tic-u-late
Tomorrow is the big Joint Commission survey for work. What we've worked for for two years. It starts at 9 and one woman is going to walk our hospital, look at our processes for stroke patients and spend a good portion of the day crawling up my data. 1200 patients, over two years and 95% of that data was collected by me. She is going to come in, look at my work and hopefully not tell me "YOU DID IT ALL WRONG!"
This is a huge day for the hospital, for my department, and really the future of my career in health care. Hopefully getting our certification as a Primary Stroke Center will be a good selling point when my boss present a new job description for me to get a big raise. It will put me in a position to be SEEN at work, as someone who was very instrumental in getting our certification. Big wig people will be at the evaluation, and certain questions will be turfed directly to me. I have to be able to speak with authority. I admit that is not my strong suit.
It is not that I don't KNOW the information, I know it, I understand it. Sometimes I just struggle to articulate it and I open my mouth and out comes the word vomit. blech blech blech.
I have copies of the presentations that will be given so I have an idea of what questions she will ask. I have to remind myself that I KNOW this stuff. I know the data, I know the measures, I know the protocols. I know my stroke data.
I just gotta prove it and not sound like a fucking idiot in the process.
Wish me luck.
This is a huge day for the hospital, for my department, and really the future of my career in health care. Hopefully getting our certification as a Primary Stroke Center will be a good selling point when my boss present a new job description for me to get a big raise. It will put me in a position to be SEEN at work, as someone who was very instrumental in getting our certification. Big wig people will be at the evaluation, and certain questions will be turfed directly to me. I have to be able to speak with authority. I admit that is not my strong suit.
It is not that I don't KNOW the information, I know it, I understand it. Sometimes I just struggle to articulate it and I open my mouth and out comes the word vomit. blech blech blech.
I have copies of the presentations that will be given so I have an idea of what questions she will ask. I have to remind myself that I KNOW this stuff. I know the data, I know the measures, I know the protocols. I know my stroke data.
I just gotta prove it and not sound like a fucking idiot in the process.
Wish me luck.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
We all want to change the world.
I worked on Saturday. Normally I would groan about it, but it was another community awareness event that we sponsored. This program has been the single most frustrating work project because it was a big event with too many chiefs for any tribe.
In the end, it was about 300 people, mostly women, learning about stroke and heart disease and it was an insane success. I truly love working these events because my lack of clinical skill means that while my attendance in required- my job is to walk around and make sure things go smoothly. I got to talk to the attendees, answer the questions that I could answer, and basically be social and gracious all day long. Yes, I can be both of those things. I love community awareness events and while it was an exhausting day and I was glad to be home, I felt like for all the stress we accomplished something fantastic.
The e-husband is back in the hospital, which seems about right. It's been about 6 weeks since his last stay so he's on schedule I guess. He's been a big baby since he got there and I have done my best to enjoy not having to listen to him bitch. I realize that I have agreed, albeit reluctantly, to spend the rest of my days with this man, but I never agreed to be his emotional punching bag. I did not leave work to take him to the hospital, my sister was in the area so she picked him up and drove him there. I had offered for days previous to take him and he refused for one reason or another. Saturday he called me in the middled of the event and practically demanded that I come home and take him to the hospital. Giving up 9 hours of overtime and an event that I had a major hand in planning. No. Simply put, I said no. My sister being in the area was a fortunate coincidence and I made arrangement to get him help. My words were, "If you need help, then I can get you some, but I cannot help you right now."
Perhaps I should feel guilty, but I don't. It's not about the money, or even the job. It's about having some boundaries. If I dropped everything, every time he had a health emergency, I would never be able to do anything. I don't know if something being important to me is a trigger for him to get sick, or if it's just that he is just sick so often... Either way, I have to keep some sense of normalcy. I have to force myself to put my life first, because it is my life that makes all of our lives possible. I realize that he does not do this on purpose and it's not the same as him drinking or drugging, but this pattern is part of the same disease- and I cannot feed into it all the time. The resentment that goes along with that will destroy me. I know, I've been there.
Other than the usual drama... I saw movies this weekend. Lots of movies. Him being gone left me free to enjoy myself. I saw:
In the end, it was about 300 people, mostly women, learning about stroke and heart disease and it was an insane success. I truly love working these events because my lack of clinical skill means that while my attendance in required- my job is to walk around and make sure things go smoothly. I got to talk to the attendees, answer the questions that I could answer, and basically be social and gracious all day long. Yes, I can be both of those things. I love community awareness events and while it was an exhausting day and I was glad to be home, I felt like for all the stress we accomplished something fantastic.
The e-husband is back in the hospital, which seems about right. It's been about 6 weeks since his last stay so he's on schedule I guess. He's been a big baby since he got there and I have done my best to enjoy not having to listen to him bitch. I realize that I have agreed, albeit reluctantly, to spend the rest of my days with this man, but I never agreed to be his emotional punching bag. I did not leave work to take him to the hospital, my sister was in the area so she picked him up and drove him there. I had offered for days previous to take him and he refused for one reason or another. Saturday he called me in the middled of the event and practically demanded that I come home and take him to the hospital. Giving up 9 hours of overtime and an event that I had a major hand in planning. No. Simply put, I said no. My sister being in the area was a fortunate coincidence and I made arrangement to get him help. My words were, "If you need help, then I can get you some, but I cannot help you right now."
Perhaps I should feel guilty, but I don't. It's not about the money, or even the job. It's about having some boundaries. If I dropped everything, every time he had a health emergency, I would never be able to do anything. I don't know if something being important to me is a trigger for him to get sick, or if it's just that he is just sick so often... Either way, I have to keep some sense of normalcy. I have to force myself to put my life first, because it is my life that makes all of our lives possible. I realize that he does not do this on purpose and it's not the same as him drinking or drugging, but this pattern is part of the same disease- and I cannot feed into it all the time. The resentment that goes along with that will destroy me. I know, I've been there.
Other than the usual drama... I saw movies this weekend. Lots of movies. Him being gone left me free to enjoy myself. I saw:
- Atonement- a beautiful downer. An great story with wonderful acting and all that. But just kind of a downer. Doesn't leave you feeling warm and fuzzy.
- Sweeney Todd- a beautiful bleeder. Oh my god, all the blood. I knew what the story was about, I just didn't realize we got to SEE all of that.
- Juno- Love it. Love it. Love it. It the kind of movie that makes me love seeing movies.
- The Bucket List- Not a laugh out loud kind of movie, but considering the topic... you should not be shocked.
- Across the Universe- I love this soundtrack, it just makes it all worthwhile. If you like musicals and you like the Beatles... it's great. You say you want a revolution, well, you know..
Monday, February 04, 2008
The "Who what why" for Super Tuesday
Last night at a superbowl party I was somewhat involved, meaning I asked questions, in a conversation regarding the two democratic candidates. I am not very politically conscious, and I could even go so far as to calling myself 'uninformed' - but I try to pay attention when it's important and I think it is a great privilege to be a part of the voting process. I am still undecided about tomorrow, and I like many Democrats like myself (meaning Democrat but widely uninvolved in todays politics) are unsure about which candidate to vote for tomorrow.
This converstion that I was somewhat involved in was with two socially, politically informed, conscious and responsible people that I have known for some time and respect for thier intelligence and not 'talking out of thier ass'edness. They both seemed very pro-Obama, and not exactly anti-Hilary, but somewhat untrusting, saying that she was very corporate minded and that is worrisome and perhaps she's simply a fast talker. He told me a little bit about Hilary and Wal-Mart, which I did not know. And I also admit that I did not know that Wal-Mart was anti-union and I feel a bit guilty for shopping there. (Are they STILL not unionized?) See how uninformed I am?? What an ass.
Either way, so while I think I was leaning towards Hilary before yesterday, today I am just as unsure as I was before the California debate in which Hilary impressed me. Maybe I am impressed by fast talking and the idea of a woman in office, but perhaps she's not the right woman? I have a day to ponder this.
Keith, one of the conversants, said, "Just Vote Julie. Vote your conscious, but make sure you vote . It really does matter."
I know it does- I just want to be able to back up my decision.
Please, share your thoughtful opinions with me.
This converstion that I was somewhat involved in was with two socially, politically informed, conscious and responsible people that I have known for some time and respect for thier intelligence and not 'talking out of thier ass'edness. They both seemed very pro-Obama, and not exactly anti-Hilary, but somewhat untrusting, saying that she was very corporate minded and that is worrisome and perhaps she's simply a fast talker. He told me a little bit about Hilary and Wal-Mart, which I did not know. And I also admit that I did not know that Wal-Mart was anti-union and I feel a bit guilty for shopping there. (Are they STILL not unionized?) See how uninformed I am?? What an ass.
Either way, so while I think I was leaning towards Hilary before yesterday, today I am just as unsure as I was before the California debate in which Hilary impressed me. Maybe I am impressed by fast talking and the idea of a woman in office, but perhaps she's not the right woman? I have a day to ponder this.
Keith, one of the conversants, said, "Just Vote Julie. Vote your conscious, but make sure you vote . It really does matter."
I know it does- I just want to be able to back up my decision.
Please, share your thoughtful opinions with me.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
The Code
It's interesting when a Code is called here on my floor. It doesn't happen very often because I don't work on a cardiac floor, but occasionally- maybe once or twice a month something happens and a Code is called. Code Blue is the adult CPR code, and code white is a pediatric CPR code. Pink and Purple are for child abductions- I have never heard that one. Some codes have numbers, but I suspect those are for Housekeeping or Security Issues. For those of you who have seen that episode of Grey's Anatomy, I have never seen anything called a "Code Black" although there are codes for voilence and those types of emergencies. They are not paged to physicians and such. All codes are called over the loudspeaker.
Panic. Adrenaline. Sometimes it turns out ok. Sometimes a patient has been snowed by their meds and they just need something to kick them back in to response. Sometimes it's a heart attack. Sometime the outcome is good, sometimes it's not so good. Today was good.
And it's always better to call a code when it's not needed, than NOT to call a code when it is.
Friday, December 28, 2007
Off for 9 days
I have the next 9 days off of work. nine days.
I wish I was going somewhere. The reason I took the time off is because the kids are off school. E-husband has been home with them the last few days and I have next week. I don't have money to do anything exciting, so I will spend most of the time cleaning house, putting away Christmas decorations and just spending time with the kids. Sarah my step daughter is in town next week also, so I'm hoping to spend at least one or two days at the e-inlaws with her. Danny will hopefully be 100% potty trained- but I suspect it will just be 100% of #1 trained. Still won't make the poop in the potty. But that comes with time. He will use the potty, even if he has a pull up on- so that helps.
E-husband will be gone next week, and I suspect at least a week after that. I am relieved. I need a break. He has been unbearable this week. I understand if he isn't feeling well, but there's no need in being a complete douchebag to everyone else. He's welcome to a big bowl of shut up and go away. Driving away without him on Sunday is not going to bother me at all.
School starts the end of January. I only have one class on campus and it's at 7PM. I have no more early classes, so I'm going to change my work schedule so I can spend 40 minutes dropping all the kids off at school each day. It means that I get to sleep until 6:30- instead of waking up at 5. We will leave the house at 7:20- drop off Danny, then Alex- and walk Gabe to class at 8AM. Then head off to work where I will stay until 5. I figure if I don't have class, then my parents should not have to get up at 6AM- as well as take the kids after school.
I'm trying to make a shift here. Focus more on the kids because I have time to do it. I will still have studying to do, but at least I can be at home more often and we will have that time in the morning. I've always tried to give the kids as much as I can, knowing that my time was limited due to the 9-12 evening hours a week I had to spend at school. Now I can give them more of my time, and hopefully that will be good for all of us. Also, since dinner time at my mom's house is at 5- chances are, I will get a cooked hot meal when I show up at my mothers house at least 3 nights a week- which right there is worth it for me. :)
So I'm going to put in a good hard days work here, and head out for 9 days.
Oh, and kudos to my sister who is working for a subprime that is closing thier doors today. Poor thing, she works in HR and has spent the last 6 months laying off about 2000 people. She's like the angel of death. Love you girl!!!
I wish I was going somewhere. The reason I took the time off is because the kids are off school. E-husband has been home with them the last few days and I have next week. I don't have money to do anything exciting, so I will spend most of the time cleaning house, putting away Christmas decorations and just spending time with the kids. Sarah my step daughter is in town next week also, so I'm hoping to spend at least one or two days at the e-inlaws with her. Danny will hopefully be 100% potty trained- but I suspect it will just be 100% of #1 trained. Still won't make the poop in the potty. But that comes with time. He will use the potty, even if he has a pull up on- so that helps.
E-husband will be gone next week, and I suspect at least a week after that. I am relieved. I need a break. He has been unbearable this week. I understand if he isn't feeling well, but there's no need in being a complete douchebag to everyone else. He's welcome to a big bowl of shut up and go away. Driving away without him on Sunday is not going to bother me at all.
School starts the end of January. I only have one class on campus and it's at 7PM. I have no more early classes, so I'm going to change my work schedule so I can spend 40 minutes dropping all the kids off at school each day. It means that I get to sleep until 6:30- instead of waking up at 5. We will leave the house at 7:20- drop off Danny, then Alex- and walk Gabe to class at 8AM. Then head off to work where I will stay until 5. I figure if I don't have class, then my parents should not have to get up at 6AM- as well as take the kids after school.
I'm trying to make a shift here. Focus more on the kids because I have time to do it. I will still have studying to do, but at least I can be at home more often and we will have that time in the morning. I've always tried to give the kids as much as I can, knowing that my time was limited due to the 9-12 evening hours a week I had to spend at school. Now I can give them more of my time, and hopefully that will be good for all of us. Also, since dinner time at my mom's house is at 5- chances are, I will get a cooked hot meal when I show up at my mothers house at least 3 nights a week- which right there is worth it for me. :)
So I'm going to put in a good hard days work here, and head out for 9 days.
Oh, and kudos to my sister who is working for a subprime that is closing thier doors today. Poor thing, she works in HR and has spent the last 6 months laying off about 2000 people. She's like the angel of death. Love you girl!!!
Thursday, May 03, 2007
The end of a long road ahead.
Finals start in a few weeks. I have been busting my ass to catch up since mid terms, so I can focus on finals. Work is getting crazy too.
May is stroke Awareness Month so I have posters and flyers that I should have gotten up already. I'm working my fingers to the damn bone, but really loving it.
Yesterday I worked from 6:30 to 6:30 and went to school. This Half Nekkid Thursday pic was taken at the end of a LONG day....
Once finals are done, I'll officially be a senior in college. I can see the end of the tunnel.
Damn, I have not seen the end of a tunnel in a long time.
Happy Half Nekkid Thursday.
May is stroke Awareness Month so I have posters and flyers that I should have gotten up already. I'm working my fingers to the damn bone, but really loving it.
Yesterday I worked from 6:30 to 6:30 and went to school. This Half Nekkid Thursday pic was taken at the end of a LONG day....
Once finals are done, I'll officially be a senior in college. I can see the end of the tunnel.
Damn, I have not seen the end of a tunnel in a long time.
Happy Half Nekkid Thursday.
Monday, April 23, 2007
julie is forced to give it up
I love googlisms. They just make me laugh.
julie is a bitch
julie is a serious and conscientious employee; however...
julie is the redhead next door
julie is a super hot redhead featured at busty beauties
julie is embroiled in a fight against city hall regarding leaf blowers
julie is at high risk of schizophrenia
julie is comfortable in most settings
julie is eager to read books that will tell her about life outside her culture
julie is no more
julie is irate at the pregnancy
julie is forced to give it up
Well, I've been called worse. The worst thing I was called at work was "unfriendly and uncooperative". That is such total bullshit (Dardis) that I laughed outloud and rejected it, cause everyone knows that my GOAL in life is to ensure that people like me- and to DO that- I have to be friendly and cooperative.
I meant it when I asked if his hands were broken... I was just baffled at the fact that someone would actually cross a room, and walk by a copy machine to ask me to make one copy for them. I was concerned that perhaps he was suffering from something debilitating that made it impossible for him to set down a piece of paper and hit one oversized button. I made the damn copy. If I had laughed in his face, and told him to "kiss my ass you twatty little bitch," THAT would be unfriendly and uncooperative.
Some people just don't know how to take a joke.
Ok, so if any of you decide to send me a "Julie, Do You Love me?" picture. I will, I really will. Golfwidow sent me one, seconds before I totally pissed her off- but I have been forgiven- even though this wretched song plays in her head everytime she reads my blog....
Some of you have said you'd like to send a picture- so lets see 'em. Make me love you. Come on, I'm easy. Just ask anyone!!!
julie is a bitch
julie is a serious and conscientious employee; however...
julie is the redhead next door
julie is a super hot redhead featured at busty beauties
julie is embroiled in a fight against city hall regarding leaf blowers
julie is at high risk of schizophrenia
julie is comfortable in most settings
julie is eager to read books that will tell her about life outside her culture
julie is no more
julie is irate at the pregnancy
julie is forced to give it up
Well, I've been called worse. The worst thing I was called at work was "unfriendly and uncooperative". That is such total bullshit (Dardis) that I laughed outloud and rejected it, cause everyone knows that my GOAL in life is to ensure that people like me- and to DO that- I have to be friendly and cooperative.
I meant it when I asked if his hands were broken... I was just baffled at the fact that someone would actually cross a room, and walk by a copy machine to ask me to make one copy for them. I was concerned that perhaps he was suffering from something debilitating that made it impossible for him to set down a piece of paper and hit one oversized button. I made the damn copy. If I had laughed in his face, and told him to "kiss my ass you twatty little bitch," THAT would be unfriendly and uncooperative.
Some people just don't know how to take a joke.
Ok, so if any of you decide to send me a "Julie, Do You Love me?" picture. I will, I really will. Golfwidow sent me one, seconds before I totally pissed her off- but I have been forgiven- even though this wretched song plays in her head everytime she reads my blog....
Some of you have said you'd like to send a picture- so lets see 'em. Make me love you. Come on, I'm easy. Just ask anyone!!!
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
How tough is 'Good morning'?
So I need to complain to the NEW preschool about the morning teachers. I don't expect them to get on their knees and greet my kids with hugs and kisses, but you know- "Good Morning Boys!" in a semi thoughtful voice is expected. I pay $67 a day. I think they can at least shout out a greeting. They said good morning to me- after I said it to them. I realize it's early, and that they are tired. You don't have to get up from your chair- but for fuck's sake, look OVER!! Say Good morning to the boys- ask how they are- be a child care provider!! ugh. So I'm going to call this morning and discuss my concern. I know that I can't be bitchy to these women, for fear that the boys will ultimately bear the brunt of it- but you know, they can't be ALLOWED to be shitty day care teachers.
So after leaving the day care center this morning I went to the store and picked up some bottled water and I walked in to the little convenience section at a Mobil station and a nice smiling gentleman said, "Well Good Morning Dear!"
Well THANK YOU!!!! Geez!- is that so fuckin hard??
There are some people here at the hospital who don't respond when you say Good Morning. It's a greeting- I'm not selling you anything. You can LOOK at me. I am no Mary Poppins ok? I don't come in singing Good Morning to You from Singing in the Rain or anything. I just said "Good Morning" as I pass people. It's polite. But there are certain people who don't even look at you, or they just give you a dead stare. I don't get it. This is a hospital!! Aren't we supposed to look like we care about people? Like we WANT to help you??
I wonder if I DID come in singing "Good Morning to You", would that make a difference?
Cunts.
And what a LOVELY Mornin!!!
So after leaving the day care center this morning I went to the store and picked up some bottled water and I walked in to the little convenience section at a Mobil station and a nice smiling gentleman said, "Well Good Morning Dear!"
Well THANK YOU!!!! Geez!- is that so fuckin hard??
There are some people here at the hospital who don't respond when you say Good Morning. It's a greeting- I'm not selling you anything. You can LOOK at me. I am no Mary Poppins ok? I don't come in singing Good Morning to You from Singing in the Rain or anything. I just said "Good Morning" as I pass people. It's polite. But there are certain people who don't even look at you, or they just give you a dead stare. I don't get it. This is a hospital!! Aren't we supposed to look like we care about people? Like we WANT to help you??
I wonder if I DID come in singing "Good Morning to You", would that make a difference?
Cunts.
And what a LOVELY Mornin!!!
Monday, January 08, 2007
Brain Lost
It's Monday. Crazy ass day at work. Strokes all over the place. Our floor, ICU and a few other floors because the hospital was full last week. FULL. No beds. ICU patients were "lined up" in the ED to get an ICU bed. And patients in ICU that were ready to go to the medical floors were waiting for people to get discharged home. It's always hectic when there is a full board.
I get in most morning and walk down to my hall, and the first thing I do is look at the wipe board. It list the patients last name, physician and room number. If the patient is on telemetry monitoriting there is a heart sticker next to him, and if they are a stroke patient, the bed number is outlined in purple.
This morning, of 25 beds, 13 had purple borders.
Ahhhh- job security.
Above my head in my office is another wipe board. It lists the patients last name, age, the status of thier MRI, and all the stroke protocol measures. I fill it it for every patient and that is how we track that patients are getting the best care. It's over my head so my boss can look up over my head and answer many of her own questions without having to ask me.
I beat everyone I know and love with stroke information. I love going to friends houses and seeing the stroke magnets we made on thier refrigerators. My dad laughs about it, but you know, someday, a co-worker is going to have a sudden onset of weakness on one side- and he's going to remember that damn magnet. And when that co-worker says, "I'm just gonna call my doctor and have him fit me in at the end of the day"- he will say, "NO!- you have to call 911!"
If you are having a stroke, there is medication to reverse it if you are a candidate for it. If you think of the blood vessels in your brain as pipes, a stroke is like a clogged pipe. The medication, tPA, is like Drain-o.
"Brain-o"
You got three hours to get the Brain-o, so for fuck's sake. Don't wait. And an ambulance or paramedics is always the best way to go to the ER in an emergency. You get through triage faster.
Go ahead, laugh at me and tell me I'm crazy for taking the time to blog this shit. I am annoying my friends with it. But you know, they will be prepared if it happens to them or someone they love. They will NOT lay down and sleep it off if all of a sudden one side of your face looks and feels like it's sliding off and you start talking slurred like you've spent all day on hopped up vodka and Ativan. They will call 911.
Maybe later they will tell me that they remembered how often I pounded them in the head with this stuff, and they won't be disabled, or have to walk with a cane, or be unable to swallow thier food. I know I linked the hell out of this page... click and read, if nowhere else, then here. Just do it!!!
And in case you refuse, then here: read the damn signs and symptoms....
OK- that is my PSA for this week.
I'm out, bitches!!!
I get in most morning and walk down to my hall, and the first thing I do is look at the wipe board. It list the patients last name, physician and room number. If the patient is on telemetry monitoriting there is a heart sticker next to him, and if they are a stroke patient, the bed number is outlined in purple.
This morning, of 25 beds, 13 had purple borders.
Ahhhh- job security.
Above my head in my office is another wipe board. It lists the patients last name, age, the status of thier MRI, and all the stroke protocol measures. I fill it it for every patient and that is how we track that patients are getting the best care. It's over my head so my boss can look up over my head and answer many of her own questions without having to ask me.
I beat everyone I know and love with stroke information. I love going to friends houses and seeing the stroke magnets we made on thier refrigerators. My dad laughs about it, but you know, someday, a co-worker is going to have a sudden onset of weakness on one side- and he's going to remember that damn magnet. And when that co-worker says, "I'm just gonna call my doctor and have him fit me in at the end of the day"- he will say, "NO!- you have to call 911!"
If you are having a stroke, there is medication to reverse it if you are a candidate for it. If you think of the blood vessels in your brain as pipes, a stroke is like a clogged pipe. The medication, tPA, is like Drain-o.
"Brain-o"
You got three hours to get the Brain-o, so for fuck's sake. Don't wait. And an ambulance or paramedics is always the best way to go to the ER in an emergency. You get through triage faster.
Go ahead, laugh at me and tell me I'm crazy for taking the time to blog this shit. I am annoying my friends with it. But you know, they will be prepared if it happens to them or someone they love. They will NOT lay down and sleep it off if all of a sudden one side of your face looks and feels like it's sliding off and you start talking slurred like you've spent all day on hopped up vodka and Ativan. They will call 911.
Maybe later they will tell me that they remembered how often I pounded them in the head with this stuff, and they won't be disabled, or have to walk with a cane, or be unable to swallow thier food. I know I linked the hell out of this page... click and read, if nowhere else, then here. Just do it!!!
And in case you refuse, then here: read the damn signs and symptoms....
Stroke is a medical emergency. Know these warning signs of stroke and teach them to others. Every second counts:
- Sudden numbness or weakness of the face, arm or leg, especially on one side of the body
- Sudden confusion, trouble speaking or understanding
- Sudden trouble seeing in one or both eyes
- Sudden trouble walking, dizziness, loss of balance or coordination
- Sudden, severe headache with no known cause
OK- that is my PSA for this week.
I'm out, bitches!!!
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Insane in the Brain
So today I got to watch Brain Surgery. Seriously. BRAIN fucken SURGERY.
From INSIDE the O.R. thank you. I almost got splashed with water and brain residue. I was that close.
Did I mention that I am a secretary???
How many secretaries do you know, get to watch BRAIN SURGERY??
Let me clear my throat....
BRAIN SURGERY
So I work at a large non-profit hospital for the Stroke Department. My boss is the Neuro/Stroke manager and she and some of the nurses are going to be doing a poster presentation at the American Association of NeuroSciences Nurses Convention in the spring. So thier presentation is on Deep Brain Stimulation for patients with Parkinsons Disease. So one of the Neurosurgeons said that they could watch a procedure. And because my boss is a kick ass big shot around there lately, she was able to get me in to watch. I assume that they think I have a clinical background. I'm not about to tell them differently.
The procedure, is that they put the lead (the electrode) into this guys BRAIN and then the extension (like extension cord) will be attached next week, to the 'batterypack' and that gets placed on his chest, much like a pacemaker. They adjust the settings and the tremors, ideally, stop. It's all technical and I am learning, but what I do know- is that this kick ass Neurosurgeon made a 4-5 inch incision, exposed this guys SKULL. Drilled into his head with what looked to me like a Black and Decker, make a hole the size of penny. Sucking away blood, and "skullmush" (think sawdust). Ok, so it was not a HUGE hole, I mean, I guess looking into that hole, I could see the brain.
THE BRAIN
Yeah, that is not what I saw, but I saw the skull and a penny sized hole drilled in to it.
I took this picture!!
So they had this metal cage thing on his head that is like a positioning device and based on these computer generated coordinates, they know exactly where to drill and how far to stick this long tube in this guys brain, leaving behind a very thin wire, about the size of a piece of hair with the electrode in the deep in the brain, which will run out of his skull, under the scalp, down his head and neck and be attached to the "battery pack" (neurostimulator) on his chest.
The second part is when they attach it to the batterypack, so they just tucked the wire and the connector under his scalp, just shoved it down, like stuffing money in your bra.
I wonder if that itches... You know, like you got something under your skin!!! yeah, a wire and a connector, talk about an irritant.
My head itches just thinking about it.
So yeah, I had a pretty good day at work.
From INSIDE the O.R. thank you. I almost got splashed with water and brain residue. I was that close.
Did I mention that I am a secretary???
How many secretaries do you know, get to watch BRAIN SURGERY??
Let me clear my throat....
BRAIN SURGERY
So I work at a large non-profit hospital for the Stroke Department. My boss is the Neuro/Stroke manager and she and some of the nurses are going to be doing a poster presentation at the American Association of NeuroSciences Nurses Convention in the spring. So thier presentation is on Deep Brain Stimulation for patients with Parkinsons Disease. So one of the Neurosurgeons said that they could watch a procedure. And because my boss is a kick ass big shot around there lately, she was able to get me in to watch. I assume that they think I have a clinical background. I'm not about to tell them differently.
The procedure, is that they put the lead (the electrode) into this guys BRAIN and then the extension (like extension cord) will be attached next week, to the 'batterypack' and that gets placed on his chest, much like a pacemaker. They adjust the settings and the tremors, ideally, stop. It's all technical and I am learning, but what I do know- is that this kick ass Neurosurgeon made a 4-5 inch incision, exposed this guys SKULL. Drilled into his head with what looked to me like a Black and Decker, make a hole the size of penny. Sucking away blood, and "skullmush" (think sawdust). Ok, so it was not a HUGE hole, I mean, I guess looking into that hole, I could see the brain.
THE BRAIN
Yeah, that is not what I saw, but I saw the skull and a penny sized hole drilled in to it.
I took this picture!!
So they had this metal cage thing on his head that is like a positioning device and based on these computer generated coordinates, they know exactly where to drill and how far to stick this long tube in this guys brain, leaving behind a very thin wire, about the size of a piece of hair with the electrode in the deep in the brain, which will run out of his skull, under the scalp, down his head and neck and be attached to the "battery pack" (neurostimulator) on his chest.
The second part is when they attach it to the batterypack, so they just tucked the wire and the connector under his scalp, just shoved it down, like stuffing money in your bra.
I wonder if that itches... You know, like you got something under your skin!!! yeah, a wire and a connector, talk about an irritant.
My head itches just thinking about it.
So yeah, I had a pretty good day at work.
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Funny things I find on Medical Charts
Prescripition:
Zocar 20 mg
Levaquin 500mg
Continue Home Medications: Cymbalta, Lamisil, Thyroid Medication
New Orders:
low fat, low cholesteral 1800 calarie ADA Diet
Discontinue Marijuana
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Misty water colors
It always cracks me up when people imitate turkeys. On one of my favorite radio shows, every year they call the Butterball turkey hotline and ask them how to catch a live turkey and kill it, and there is a turkey running around in the background, which is really just a guy making turkey sounds. It's a stupid little bit, but it cracks me up.
I am often, amused by stupid humor.
The ability to swallow is a big deal in hospitals. They have whole departments devoted to it. It's a big part of my job to make sure that patients are checked for thier ability to sip some water without choking after they have a stroke. So I thought we should make buttons to remind people of this important step that say "Do You Swallow?" I thought it was brilliant. People laugh when I tell them.
What does a girl have to do to be taken seriously?
Take the quick test here on the left to find out your risk for stroke.
Just do it.
So I have been getting along quite wonderfully with my estraged husband lately. He comes across quite charming when he isn't driving me crazy. I won't see him today. He commented how weird that would be that we won't be together for Thanksgiving- but then I remembered last year, I took the kids to my friends for Thanksgiving and he slept all day. So I didn't really see him then either. His memories of the past few years are slightly different than mine.
My favorite memory is of Thanksgiving, many years ago. Probably the year my dad died, or the year before, 1979 or 1980. My dad had us kids for Thanksgiving, and probably had a pretty simple meal planned. And I remember that alot of people brought dishes over for our Thanksgiving. My aunts (mom's sisters), neighbors, even his landlord. I vaguely remember it being a very big dinner in the end.
Those memories get farther and farther away each year.
Some days I can't even remember what he looks like. And all of those memories are just photographs. My father looks exactly like the picture. My memories are photographs. Sometimes when I see pictures I have never seen before, I think "He never looked like THAT!" That's because I don't have that picture.
I wonder what memories my children will have?
I am often, amused by stupid humor.
The ability to swallow is a big deal in hospitals. They have whole departments devoted to it. It's a big part of my job to make sure that patients are checked for thier ability to sip some water without choking after they have a stroke. So I thought we should make buttons to remind people of this important step that say "Do You Swallow?" I thought it was brilliant. People laugh when I tell them.
What does a girl have to do to be taken seriously?
Take the quick test here on the left to find out your risk for stroke.
Just do it.
So I have been getting along quite wonderfully with my estraged husband lately. He comes across quite charming when he isn't driving me crazy. I won't see him today. He commented how weird that would be that we won't be together for Thanksgiving- but then I remembered last year, I took the kids to my friends for Thanksgiving and he slept all day. So I didn't really see him then either. His memories of the past few years are slightly different than mine.
My favorite memory is of Thanksgiving, many years ago. Probably the year my dad died, or the year before, 1979 or 1980. My dad had us kids for Thanksgiving, and probably had a pretty simple meal planned. And I remember that alot of people brought dishes over for our Thanksgiving. My aunts (mom's sisters), neighbors, even his landlord. I vaguely remember it being a very big dinner in the end.
Those memories get farther and farther away each year.
Some days I can't even remember what he looks like. And all of those memories are just photographs. My father looks exactly like the picture. My memories are photographs. Sometimes when I see pictures I have never seen before, I think "He never looked like THAT!" That's because I don't have that picture.
I wonder what memories my children will have?
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