And I answered honestly, but in more words than this..."I just don't have any energy to give to him right now." And that's the truth. I don't want to fight him right now. I don't want to push the issue or rock the boat because right now, the waters may not be smooth, but they are not so rocky that I am getting sea sick.
Right now I am looking to put/keep together the other peices of my life.
School is underway and while it's slow to start, it's moving along. I got the OK from my boss today to come in early, take a mid day class and leave a little later two days a week. So I was able to drop the class with the condescending professor who, when she explained that she had attended the Sundance Film Festival said, "It's hosted my Robert Redford- do you know who Robert Redford is?"
I wanted to walk right out.
Instead I made some arrangements and dropped her class.
No thank you Miss-Snooty-pants-I-gratuated-from-Columbia, I prefer to be treated like an adult.
And I'm excited about the class I added, because it's an upper division class that I didn't originally register for because I didn't think I could work it into my schedule. I am learning that it's a shame to miss out on opportunities, just because I was too afraid to ask.
Work is going fantastic. I really love my job, and my boss is so great. Today she sat down and went over a lecture with me on Neurological Anatomy and Physiology. It was so cool. I do NOT feel like an idiot with her. For YEARS when I talked to my boss- I felt SO stupid all the time. I felt completely inadequate and uneducated. Afraid of, less than, and inferior to.... amen. But lately, I don't feel that way. I am so lucky that I am trying to surround myself with people who think I'm smart enough to learn the things I don't know.
I'm trying to put forth some effort every night to clean this house. Even if it never gets 100% clean, if every night I can get it back to it's 'baseline' mess, and clean up 5% more, perhaps by the end of the month it will be clean. Little steps. I can't do it all.
So I'm trying to juggle these things. New job, new school, managing this house, paying the bills, maintaining my sanity...I don't have time to handle that 'situtaion' right now, I don't want to put forth any energy to it. I sensed that the person who asked was not exactly thrilled with my answer- but she will have have to live with it... or really, she doesn't. I have to learn to keep my mouth shut and not bitch. Every day I am allowing him to live here, is another day that I don't get to complain about it. I know that. But today I feel I have less to complain about anyway- so maybe that puts me on top.
3 comments:
Wow lots on your plate... sorry to hear bout things with your husband, but you have got to take care fo yourself before you can be there for someone else... Hang in there, I will be a prayin' for you and your family... At least you have a great boss and you're getting the class you want for school! Day at a time, girl!!
The decision is yours and only yours! Great news on the class and your new job. Things are falling into place and this will make everything else be so much easier. Take care!
The time will come when YOU are ready and not before then! Stay focused and you will make things happen in your life that you will be proud of and from there you will be able to make good decisions!
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