Today's reading

Actually it was yesterdays reading, but I didn't get a chance to write last night.

We punish ourselves far more than life ever punishes us. It takes some time before we realize that we have considerable power to change our lives, if we are willing to use it.
I will start by rooting out the doubts and fears that grew so great when my spouse was drinking alchoholically. Even long after sobriety, do I not occasionally wonder wether it will last? Does unexpected lateness make me suspicious that "somethings going on?" Why do I punish myself this way? Why don't I accept God's gift of mental sobriety which is mine for the takin, along with contentment and serenity.
Todays Reminder- Mental sobriety is a state of reasonableness, rational judgement, balance. It is emotioanl sickenss when we continue to be apprehensive and anxious when we have no reason to doubt.
"I will pray today and every day, for healthful, wholesome thinking, so that I may not general trouble for myself.

Typing this out, it means something different than when I read it this morning. When I read it this morning it made me ackowledge just what it says in the first sentence. That any misery that I have, is a choice that I make. Like I have heard in meetings, much of my discomfort comes from my own thinking and that I have the power to be happy if I just make the right choices. There are things that 'plague' me lately- but they are direct results of my choices and I really can't blame that misery on anyone else. This program ruins misery for you. You really can't claim to work a program, and not take responsibility for your happiness.

I can't blame my husband, my kids, or my friends for whatever hardships I may be going through right now. I think that a choice could be made, even if it's a hard one, that would eventually resolve many of the things that make me unhappy,

My mom used to tell me that if you are looking to beat a dog, you can always find a stick. I can always find something to be unhappy about. I can look into the future and see a bleak outlook- see that things may not turn out the way I want them to. Or I can live my life a day at a time, and try to enjoy what I have now. I have alot of good things in my life, alot of good people and lately I have allowed the one thing, the one person, that is not good- to overpower my thoughts and it is making everything else look grey- when it's not. A lot of the relationships I have in my life are good. Those are the ones that I need to let overpower me.
My friends are awesome. My life is actually going somewhere. I have goals that I'm actually on track to achieve. There are people that truly love me. I need to try to remember that today.