Today's reading...and massacre

It starts "I thought that if I stopped enabling the alcoholic in my life, the drinking would stop."

The first thing I thought- and didn't even finish reading the page was that the drinking stopped when it had to. That had nothing to do with me. What DIDN'T stop- was the enabling. And that's all me baby....

My husband still has issues. He still does things that piss me off unbelieveably. He still takes me for granted and his behavior can still be unacceptable- but in the end he is not drinking, and he's not using drugs. And I am still enabling him and taking care of his responsibilities and protecting him from the consequences of his actions. At least a good portion of them. It will be hard to stop doing that- and the only way we can break this cycle is to separate. For as much logic as I try to use, in the end, I still feel inclined to help him and accept the unacceptable behavior. Perhaps because it's been going on for a long time, and I just don't seem to know any other way. It is not easy for me to just stop fixing what needs fixing- it's what I DO... And it's very easy for him to simply assume that I WILL fix his problems- why would he not?- I always have before.

I am finally in the last legs of dealing with my van. I am so glad to be rid of it. I have already sold it to someone- and now I just have to wait for the check from my insurance company, and send the paperwork to the DMV. My brother has offered to sell me HIS van- which I am so excited about!!! It's a really nice van- the kind of van that a cool broad like me SHOULD be driving.

uhhhhh- ok, here's something notable... There are ants in my freezer. ANTS!!! Lots of them. And you know, ants don't do well in the freezer. So there are DEAD ants in my freezer. Luckily there is no food in the freezer that wasn't in a box- but now I have to go through every shelf and throw away the frozen ant corpses. At the bottom of my freezer, there is a PILE of dead ants. A small pile, but a PILE just the same- like 1/8 of a cup worth- of DEAD FUCKING ANTS. I wonder just how many ants an 1/8 of a cup actually IS? A hundred, two hundred?? I suspect these brave soldiers tried to make thier way up the side and then succombed to the elements, froze and fell to thier deaths. Many many MANY ant soldiers tried this apparently. The only LIVE ants are (were) the ones that are below the seal of the freezer. None of the ones that "went in" made it out. Perhaps nobody was able to get out the signal to the ones that were following. Attempts to reach the top of the freezer are futile- abort mission, repeat- it's too fucking cold- ABORT MISSION. You'd think the PILE of dead ants might have made one stop and think, hmmmm, I wonder why I will be any different??

And if you are wondering, my refrigerator is too big for the space that they give it in the kitchen, so it is just outside of the kitchen- on a floor mat, on the carpet. The ants traveled from a hole in the wall, across the carpet- to the bottom of my fridge and never made it past the freezer. Had they just gone straight to the fridge, they may have been successful and made it to some slices and uncovered apples- and some loosely covered leftoevers- but there appear to be no chilly ants- just dead frozen ones. What a massacre.


So I did remove the frozen boxes- killed the ants that were still 'fortunate' to have not attempted the journey- and now I get the fun of wiping them away. I am tempted to suck the pile of ants with my new Dirt Devil, bagless vacuum cleaner- watch those little bastards spinning around in the little plastic cup....


I'm out.... take care.