Think for yourself

Alex never wanted my constant approval. He didn't really want me to do everything for him, when it came to games, toys, things like that. He often whined when he couldn't do things well, but he was really impatient when he was learning things. He could often see it once and then do it himself. This doesn't mean he did everything well, he was often too impulsive and impatient. As kids go, however, he was rarely needy.

He was never very clingy. He was too busy for that. Gabriel is very different. He is needy.

All the boys love attention and want accolades for being able to put thier pants on right, that's true for all men. All my boys adore me and know that I love them for the knuckleheads that they are. I hope that they will grow up to be good men who can handle thier shit. That's my job. To raise boys to be men who will one day leave the nest and build nests of thier own. Alex and Daniel, I can see already are too fast to be anything but independent as soon as they have jobs to get the hell out of here. Barring something catastrophic, I think those two will always be go go go.

Gabriel puzzles me. He is not very independent. He needs feedback, constantly and I worry that he is not an independent thinker. Every day he asks us to make choices for him. "Who do you want me to be?" (in his imaginary play). Ironman or Superman? Bumblebee or Megatron? Green Lantern or The Flash?

Really- do I care? No... I don't care. You go be whoever you wanna be in your own little Gabriel head.

Which toy should I play with?
Who do you think my favorite super hero should be?

Then there's the clinginess. He can't sleep. He claims he has nightmares- but really he just wakes up in the middle of the night and feels that a 'nightmare' will get my attention faster. He manipulates his father to sitting up with him night after night until I finally said No More. Last night he called me from his room and said, "Mom I had a nightmare!"

I told him to turn his pillow over and go back to sleep. Done.

He doesn't need help doing most things, but he asks for help anyway. It makes me a little nuts. He will go outside, play with friends and be gone for hours, which is good- but it makes me wonder if, when he's with his friends, he also always waits for others to make decisions for him. He's sensitive, almost too sensitive really and while it's not 'concerning' - it's hard to be as sarcastic as I am, without constantly hurting this kids feelings.

Last weekend he was swimming at my mom's. He had one a mask, like a snorkeling mask because he's also one of those kids who can't bear to get chlorine in his eyes....

ok- and what's up with that?? I mean- I used to have to open my eyes underwater and look around all blurry. Is he just too precious that he can't do that? He won't swim without goggles now. Irritating. Oh and it's also semi-ridiculous!

back to the story...

He had a snorkel type mask on and he was going up and down in the water, really slow, watching the view change as he went under. So I laughed. It looked kinda cute and funny. I told him he was silly.

He started to cry.
He got out of the pool and went crying to his dad. "Mom was making fun of me!!"

Mike came to me and asked me why I was being mean to Gabriel. Ummmm, what?? He said I was making fun of Gabriel in the pool.

Oh for fucks sake are you kidding me??

I told Mike what happened, and while he sided with Gabriel because whatever I had done had clearly upset him and maybe I should apologize.

Or MAYBE... just maybe, Gabriel should toughen up a little so that people can laugh when he's doing something funny and not be such a Sally about it. He was laughing while he did it. No, I will not apologize. Grow a pair, kid.

Yeah Yeah, say what you will. Mean Mommy. Bad Julie.
Nobody benefits from a kid who's a pussy.

Don't even get me started on Dogs.