We're all stocked up here.
Ok so I'm officially back on my meds. I was really wondering if I REALLY needed them and when I needed them.
After almost a week, I found that during my work day, I am generally fine. I don't feel anxious during the day when things are normal. I can sit in traffic and feel the same amount of anxiety that I think everyone gets, but then again, my commute is short and I don't usually hit traffic. Yes, my temper is a bit shorter-and I think my brain moves a bit faster that usual- but it's not unmanageable and I'm aware of it.
I do, however find that when I am sitting in class, or in a meeting, where I have to sit and be quiet, listen to people lecture and sometimes drone on- I feel my blood temp start to rise, and I find myself sometimes even breaking out in a sweat. During all 4 of my classes last week, I had to leave the class and walk around outside for a minute, Deep breaths and all that.
Last night was 8 full days. I did refill the scrip but I had not taken one yet.
Last night before I went to bed, I was feeling very anxious, for no apparent reason at all. I wanted to stay up and watch Molly Shannon on SNL but I was tired, and both of these scenarios were causing me a lot of discomfort, oddly enough. I was too tired to keep my eyes open, but I still felt like I needed to get up and run somewhere. When I did crawl into bed I was paranoid and could not stop my brain. I'm not even sure why. I did eventually drift off to sleep, but I woke up about an hour later- my heart was pounding out of my chest and I was in a cold sweat. I am not sure what happened, but I actually woke up in the middle of panic attack, which is new, even for me.
So I got up, took a Xanax and about 30 minutes later fell asleep until this morning.
I took my regular pill again first thing this morning, and I have to accept that I need daily medication to keep my brain from convincing me that pulling my hair out, and cutting my skin is a GOOD idea.
Go figure.
About Me
- Julie
- Using my 40's as a do-over for my thirties, only smarter. I often mistake the bees and honey reference with the one about free milk and a cow. This might explain my whole life.
1 comment:
Panic attacks are no fun. A couple of years ago, I passed out on the train and my neurologist thought I might have been experiencing seizures (turns out it was just exhaustion) and gave me a prescription for Depakote. OMG... it totally changed my entire personality. I started getting paranoid, I woke up every night at 4am and couldn't go back to sleep, and worst of all I had panic attacks. I kept feeling like I just need to run outside and scream. It totally freaked me out. I did not like feeling like I wasn't in control of my own mind and body. It was like one part of me knew I was acting irrationally, but I still couldn't stop myself from freaking out. I took the pills for about a week and then stopped, even though my doctor said I shouldn't. That is something I hope to never have to experience again. I feel for ya, mama.
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