It's funny how some times a song can reach right into your depths of your soul and pull well stuffed pain right to the surface, exposed barbs and all. That's what Neil Diamond does to me. His voice reverberates through my skin and literally pulls my guts out.
It's not about the guy... I have well come to terms with Trever and all the bullshit. I understand what happened, how it happened, why it happened and all that. I learned from it. I moved on. It's not the agony of having lost him. It's not the painful memories of an overwhelming, somewhat psychotic, dark and tawdry affair when I was far too young to understand the damage that I could do, but old enough to recognize that a man is, at the core, just a man. When someone like me comes at him with all she's got, he rarely stood a chance against me. It's not the embarrassing admission that I was lost, obsessed, needy and morally flexible. It's not even about regret I eventually felt for hurting all the people I hurt.
It's just the memory of the pain that comes back to ache when I let it.
It's like when you have a leg amputated. It still itches. It still aches. Even though it's not there. You can't get rid of what isn't there. You just have to feel it until it goes away. I can't even remember what Trever looks like. I just remember the pain. Trever is my amputated leg.
So I will sit and listen to Neil. It will pass. It always does.
The story of my life
Begins and ends with you
The names are still the same
And the story's still the truth
3 comments:
I know what you mean... songs bring it all right back. Eventually the leg will stop itching though.
Neil ~~listening to him~~may turn out to be a good companion...
One day, you'll be listening to that song, and there will be someone else (not, Trever) there.
Then, you may make some newer, brighter memories. In the meantime, you can love the songs for what they are~~just songs. In other words, get used to loving the songs, without the songs associations.
(see!...That's the beauty & power of music: It can soothe, and it can make you dance, and it can make you sing..and, hurt...and, live & love)
Good Post!! (still, the truth)
xx,Res~~(Final comment, as "res")
I feel your pain. I've got a shitload of wounds that like to itch and ache out of the blue every now and again. And while Res is right about new, brighter memories coming along I don't think they ever fully eclipse the pain of that missing limb. They may numb it down a whole lot, but just when you're least expecting it... they flare up.
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