I'm going off the rails...

God damn- Ozzy Osbourne is performing on Jimmy Kimmel. Damn, he still fucking rocks!!!

I am taking a break from studying and then I'm going to cram for one more hour. I've got two more days of studying but I needed a quick pick me up cause the soda and two cups of coffee were not quite cutting it.

So I had myself a quickie, and now I'm ready for more... studying that is.

Have I mentioned that May is Stroke Awareness Month?? I'm sure I did. I'm sure I've mentioned the signs and symptoms of stroke- and what you should do when you think you're having a stroke right?? Facial Droop, Arm or Leg Weakness, Sudden trouble speaking or understanding... call 911. Right- we covered that?? ok. good. just so you know. Just so I've done my part to educate blogland on the #1 cause of disability. but you know that right??

So today I got a bit of bad news. Really it wasn't bad news for me, but bad news for my brother, and really it was just unfortunate news for him- nothing that really changes his life. Someone he cares about is in trouble, and he knows he can't help her- even though he wants to. It's all very co-dependent and if anyone knows co-dee, it's me!!! So at one point in this evening, I got very angry at the boys. Of course at the moment, I cannot recall why- but I know that was very frustrated. So I stopped for a moment and thought- ok, what can I do to calm down? So I reached out, just like learned so long ago in program. I called my brother to see how he was doing. I told him that I was thinking of him, and wanted to see how she was doing, and how HE was feeling. Regardless of if problems are or are not ours to solve, we still care. I know that many of the sibs and certainly not my mother do not always understand the thought process of the co-dependent person. It simply is not so easy to just accept that it's not my problem, and feel nothing. We feel what we feel, you can't tell us how to feel- as long as we don't DO anything, turn ourselves inside out to try to FIX things. Sometimes we still try to fix, but nobody is perfect. But anyway, I reached out to my emotionally stunted brother and told him that I was sorry, and that I understand how hard this must be for him to feel helpless. I think he was glad that I called, and glad that I did not tell him what he should do.

I have learned to despise being told what I SHOULD do, what I SHOULD think, what I SHOULD feel, or how I SHOULD react. It's taken me a long time to be able to do, think, feel and react without being afraid of how it will affect someone else. Don't should on me.