How much it sucks to be a teenager

I had a harsh memory today of teenager-hood. I was not very confident when I was younger. Often I still have that problem. It was easier for me to blend with the crowd than it was to go my own way, maybe it's because I didn't know which way was "my way." I find that my teenage son is the same way. He is also very insecure and afraid to stand up for himself. He's a pretty easy target for bullies. And unfortunately a big one happens to be his friend.

Alex, the Teen Beastie ditched a class this week. He was stupid enough to leave the paper that he is supposed to have signed in his pants pocket, and my mom found it when she was doing laundry. I drilled him about it, and then made him call his dad and tell HIM that he had ditched school. I heard him telling his dad that his friend Michael was calling him a pussy and trying to convince him to ditch for over a week. After a week of Michael's teasing and taunting him, he finally caved and ditched school with him. To which he continued to call him a pussy all day regardless. He tried to convince Alex to steal a bike from a homeless guy. Thank God he said no to that.

I feel bad for Alex, cause I know what it's like when your friends are trying to talk you into doing something you don't really want to do. I hated telling my friends, 'no' and I hated it even more when they gave me a bunch of crap for it. I can't remember anything specifically that I felt pressured into doing, but I know there were things. Stupid things that I would do that I didn't WANT to do- but they would convince me that I SHOULD do. My friends were not bullies, they were just stronger than I was- and knew they could talk me into stuff.

He's already grounded for his shitty grades, and he won't get to walk to school or walk home anymore- so his exposure to Michael is limited. I told him that he will have to decide for himself whether or not he wants to continue to be friends with him AT school. I tried to point out that Michael has proven to not be a very good friend to Alex. He is not always nice to him, and some times turns he other guys in the 'group' against him. Fuck, remember that shit?

But I did NOT tell Alex he can't be friends with Michael anymore. At this point, I think its wise to let him decide for himself. My mom, for all her efforts was never able to stop me from being friends with the bad influences. She tried, very hard, and she changed the course of my life by putting me in a new school. I know she meant well, but I really hated her for trying to take away certain choices that are mine to make even if she had insight that I didn't have. I wanted to tell Alex tonight, after hearing more things about his 'friendship' with this kid that he is just a bully jerk who is on his way to more trouble and he was not allowed to talk to him ever again. But I am not foolish enough to think I can do that. Yet. If I have to step in later for drastic measures, maybe I will- but for now I think the best thing to do is tighten the reigns and see if he falls in line.

You know, this parenting thing is always changing. I had somewhat of a tumultuous childhood and many challenges with my mom and I am trying not to make the exact decisions that she did. But I can see why she did it, but I don't know if my mom ever considered what was behind some of my actions. Maybe I never told her, I don't know. Peer pressure, even in it's mildest form, is a very strong force. Wanting to fit in, and wanting to be part of a group. It's a big deal. Maybe I still struggle with fitting in, I understand it. I'm hoping that bit of understanding will help him, and not give him the rope he needs to hang himself.