Perspective

Today's C2C says, "I can be proud of the fact that I am a survivor. I have been brought through many struggles in order to be exactly where I am today. Today I know that I am more than my troubles. I am a human being with dignity. I have a wealth of experience that I can put to use by sharing it with those who are going through similar difficulties. I needn't fear the challenges of the future, because I know that today, with the guidance of my Higher Power and with the strength and knowledge I have gained from Al-Anon, I am capable of facing anything life brings me. Though I once viewed my life as a tragedy, I know have a different perspective on those experiences. I know that I am a stronger person as a result of what I've been through."
These words are a comfort to me today. I know that I have alot of things coming up in my life. Alot of changes, alot of new challenges that I will have to face without a partner (or at least the idea that I have one who may or may not be happy and supportive). Alot of people tell me that they are impressed by how I have managed to make it through all this crap with Michael- while going to school, working and taking care of the kids. Honestly I do it by focusing on just one thing at a time, which means that when one thing needs extra attention, the other things get less attention. It's not the most efficient way to do it, but what else can I do. But mediocrity aside, I guess what it means really, is that I HAVE managed to keep these kids alive and mostly happy, I got my Associates degree and accepted at Cal State Long Beach, and I did manage to work full time and even get a few nods for a good job- all while living with a husband who has addiction problems, health problems and mental health issues. So what does that mean?
That means that he is NOT my higher power. He is NOT what I spend all my time thinking about. He has NOT ruined my life. Perhaps he did not make it smooth sailing...no. Perhaps he wasn't on board, and he was extra weight- but I did not let him sink me. I am not just the sum of all my troubles. I am not defined by my situation. At least I don't have to be. It's nice to know that today. I am more than just the wife of an addict and all that goes along with that.
There are people, people who love me, that see in me everything EXCEPT the fact that I am the wife of an addict.