C U Next Thursday

Sometimes I think my sense of humor is getting more and more twisted the older I get. My step dad, being a dirty old man, introduced me to inappropriate sex jokes before I even know what they mean. Like when he called me and I said, "I'm coming" and he would say, "You are not even breathing hard." I used to think it had something to do with running. I was probably 8 when he first said that to me. He probably said it to me until days before he died. It never got old to him. I never stopped falling in to it.

I first saw Porky's via cable TV, and I had never heard the word pussy used so much. It may have been the first time I'd ever heard it like that. My mom is dutch and she used to use the dutch slang. "Pemul" (pee-mul). Now I tried looking that word up on Babelfish, and came up with nothing. I have no idea what pemul (no idea if that is how it's spelled) is dutch FOR, but apparently "vagina" in dutch is "vagina" so you tell me.... anyway.... back to it.

So I was vaguely uncomfortable with the way these teenage boys threw out the word pussy. But then later, when I saw Eddie Murphy in Delirious use the word pussy. The scene where it's being thrown at him. It didn't bother me so much. I thought it was hilarious. And then as I got sexually active, well I had to call it something. You can't just say, "me" or "there" cause you know, if I guy said "Can I touch you, there." I would have to just say no, and get out of the car. So I used pussy. And left it at that.

Just in the last year I have used and embraced the word cunt. Get over it. It doesn't hurt. Now I think that it's perfectly acceptable as another word for vag. But I know that a lot of women would FREAK out if a man called them that. Well, you know what- they do. Being a woman that is embracing of the word cunt, as a anatomy 'term' and as a 'label', let me tell you, when you get a circle of guys around- THEY use it. They say it. THEY talk about the girl parts as "cunt" and even women they don't like. Don't talk about me like I'm not here. Don't sugar it up for me. If you think I'm a cunt, say so. Chances are, you're right. Or maybe you had it coming. (no pun intended). Or maybe you are just a cunt and can't take a fucking joke.

I had a guy tell me I was cool cause I called someone a cunt. It makes me popular. The boys like me... ha ha. Suck THAT, bitches.

'Cunt' is kinda like 'Fuck' - it's got the hard consanants, you sort of say it through gritted teeth. "Fucking Cunt" - now that is awesome.

So ladies, let yourself go. It's just a word. It's a great word. It's liberating. Shock your friends, make the boys think you're cool. Next time someone cuts you off, just let it slip, you know you want to. Fucking Cunt. (Now guys, if you throw it out and get yelled at, well, I can't help you. You gotta know your audience.)

Say it loud and proud.

Report back to me.

Andy, you inspire me- you twat.