Someday I will go to Holland like I promised

My favorite uncle died on Monday. I haven't seen him in many years. 6,7...8. I wish I knew how long it's been. His funeral is tomorrow. In Amsterdam.

Damn.

I promised him that someday I would go to Holland, but I don't know how much I really meant it. He told me it was beautiful there. He told me that my heritage is there and that it's good to know where your people come from. It's good to walk on the streets that they walked on. I always remembered that statement. "Walk where they walked." We are not close to my Dad's side of the family. I never really thought much about it- the fact that they make no efforts to acknowledge we are alive out here, we don't really acknowledge them either. I guess that is what happens with divorce and death. My dad is gone and most of his family never knew us anyway. Just his brother who used to come and visit. I want to say it was every year- but really he probably did not come to America every year. After my father died, it was less frequent. Several years. then several more.

Regardless of the time, I have many memories of him. I remember one year my mom dropped us off at his hotel and he wasn't outside waiting for us so we didn't know what room he was in. We didn't know his first name. The Dutch have this habit of calling people by nicknames. My mom was Beebs, ("Babes") my dad was Kees ("Case") and my uncle was Bram (like Drum, but with a B). So we never knew his real name. And we didn't know his last name. He was Om Bram, that's what we knew.

When he came out and we told him... he said, "Well... what's YOUR last name??"

Between me and my older brothers, we couldn't figure that one out. I remember he told me that he got sick when he found out my dad died. He got Malaria in Indonesia in the 90's. He liked to drive fast and drove on the Autobahn on more than one occasion.

I know I hadn't seen him in years. I miss him anyway and it makes me miss my dad even more because he's gone. I hate to think that he was alone when he died. I hate to think he suffered, I hope that he didn't. You don't have to see someone every day, or call them every month to love them. I hope he knows I loved him.

His name was Alex.
I named my son after him.