Christmas regrets

We spent Christmas Eve with Michael family.  It was probably the second or third time I've ever NOT seen my siblings for Christmas.  After the first time, I decided I never wanted to do it again, but I have- even though I never want to.  

Even though this year has held a lot of strain between the siblings, we were not raised in a family to hold grudges- at least not for long.  I never understood my first husbands family, who would cut each other other out for months, sometimes YEARS at a time.  For a while, my sister and I didn't talk much, but it wasn't as if I REFUSED to talk to her or see her.  We just didn't have anything to say for a while... and then later, we did.  

Regardless, holidays just don't feel right without my family.

When mom stopped celebrating, it took something away- and my siblings and the rest of my family was all I had.  So without my siblings, it never feels right.  It doesn't feel like Christmas, and now that it's over- I guess it feels a bit anti-climactic.  

There was no reason for spending Xmas without my family, it just worked out that way with driving and where we would spend the time.  It's hard for the kids to have two WHOLE days of Christmas, with two families and stuff so I was thinking much of my own sanity too.

next year...