Under the Big A!!

Someone told me that they like my writing and that I'm funny- and now I'm sitting here thinking about HOW to be funny. Really, I have no clue. Sometimes life is funny, and sometimes...
there's a monkey.

I went to an Angels baseball game today for Kim's birthday party. It was a tailgate party and then we went to the game.

Tailgating is not as dirty as it sounds. It is just food and beverage. Historically there are trucks involved, and you know sitting on the tailgate of the trucks. Eating food and such. Wikipedia says:

Traditionally tailgating involves the consumption of alcoholic beverages such as beer or mixed drinks and the grilling of various meat products.

I was thinking maybe it had something to do with buttsex. It SOUNDS like it is supposed to, doesn't it? I asked around, and nobody told me exactly what it WAS- but that most likely there would not be buttsex involved. I called Kim and asked her, just to check. "Tailgating doesn't involve buttsex does it? Cause if so, I have to repack by bag."

She laughed and said she hadn't PLANNED on it, but you never know what might happen...

Well it turns out that with Kim, tailgating involves the consumption of alcoholic beverages, does not involve any kind of sex, OR any kind of meat. Kim's a crazy vegan and so are her friends. I knew this and I had the option of bringing my own meat, but you know- that's weird to show up with one raw hamburger patty. So I figured I would not DIE from a veggie burger. With enough ketchup and mustard, it tastes just like....

ketchup and mustard.

They also had vegenaise. Yeah, ummm... what the fuck is that? It's mayo with no eggs.
Click it, it's fat and salt. really why bother?


I stuck with ketchup and mayo. I HAD the veggie burger- that's enough vegan for one day.

So we went into the game and luckily we were in the shade. I hung out with some of Kims friends and text messaged my own friends and was pretty underwhelmed with the game. For starters there they would try to pump up the crowd by playing songs with clapping and such, like the opening to Car Wash, Centerfield, and We Will Rock You. However they play 20-30 seconds and then they stop. Just when everyone gets into it and people are clapping, it's over ad we all feel stupid. After the first few times, I decided I would not let them fool me again. Audio fuckers.

They did however play ALL of Ice, Ice Baby.
Really? REALLY?

To the extreme I rock a mic like a vandal
Light up a stage and wax a chump like a candle.

And then...
then there was the fucking Rally Monkey. Seriously? A monkey? They would sort of insert this fucking monkey into movie scenes. It was much like this...



The crowd loved it. I suspect the other teams just HATE that damn monkey. I know I do. It scares me. Creepy ass capuchin monkey.

The Angels lost. The monkey haunts me.
And I didn't get any buttsex, but good times were had by all.

Happy Birthday Kimmy. I always have lots of fun with you.
Enjoy your new vibe.

Yeah, you know I give the GOOD gifts!!!

Sexy Politics...

There were some people, myself included, who thought President Clinton was kinda hot.  I mean, any guy who receives a BJ while talkin on the phone is ok in my book.  He's also got that strong chin, distinguished "You need a spanking" look about him.  Hot.

It seems like there's a little bit of hotness coming back to the Whitehouse, either way.

A friend of mine has told me that Michelle Obama is a "FLILF" (think about it... it'll come to you.)  There.  

I love that she doesn't wear the suits or the puffy shirts and big beaded necklaces.  Skin?  She's got it, she shows it, and she's stunning.   Not to mention- he's not a bad lookin man either.   

Movie Quote Break:  

Any expectations that you might have, given the fact that I'm... you know...

The most powerful man in the world?

Exactly, thank you. I think it's important you remember that's a political distinction; it comes with the office. 

And then McCain, that tricky little "not at all hot" oldguy- decides to put a sexy lady on his ticket.  She's got a hot librarian quality about her.  Ummm, hello legs....  I'm not sure what to think about the big dead bear and the crustacean on the table, but perhaps they do things different in Alaska.  

She's obviously got brains and you should give her credit for being elected in a place that is 78% men. (or so I'm told and if that's true- I'm so goin there for my own version of Men in Trees).  

Another friend said, "Yeah I'd like to fuck the Republican right out of her...."  

Of course my dear, if you move to CANADA if the Republicans DO take the office- like you are threatening, I doubt you'll get the chance to.  Something tells me she may take offense.  

OH NO!!!!

What do you mean school starts NEXT WEEK???

Extraordinary!!

I admit that I am often one to find myself moved by a good speaker.  However, rarely am I  encouraged and excited and truly inspired, especially by a politician.

I made Alex watch the second half of Barack Obama's speech tonight.  He grumbled with me.  He said, "Oh I don't like politics.. I don't care.. I want to talk to my friends. "  I demanded he sit down.  Demanded.  

Pay attention, Alex.  This matters!  It's fuckin historical- SIT DOWN!!

He slouched on the couch and sighed every thirty seconds.

For about three minutes.

Then something happened.  Something in that man's voice and his passion and his ideas made my slacker 13 year old stop and listen.

I looked over at him and he was leaning forward.  Paying attention, transfixed.  He asked some questions, cause he's Alex and he ALWAYS asks question.  When it was over we both were clapping and I was crying.

Of course.

No HNT picture here today. I may not do them here anymore.

You know where to go for the good stuff though.

heh heh

Just spreadin the joy.

Overexposed

Sometimes I worry about how much I'm on the internet.  I don't mean the time I spend, but how much I am EXPOSED on the internet. 

However, lets be clear.

I talk a lot about my life. 
I make up a lot of stories about a sex life.
I take a lot of pictures.
I tell a lot of truths.
I tell a lot of lies.

I make no claims to what is or is not true.  If I tell you, "THIS IS TRUE"- then it is, but when do I ever say that?  But you can assume that everything on the internet is true- or a lie.  I guess it depends on the source.... what does that tell you?

I write as a hobby.  And I'm good at it, some of you know.  Is what I say the truth, or am I just really that good?  Hmmm, you never really know, do you? 

In some ways, my life is really so mundane and boring that I write a lot and create things that may or may not be real.

Your mind makes it real...  ha ha.

There are some real people in my life, that make it tolerable- some: intolerable.

I ask that you respect my choices in life, as I respect yours.  My mother told me that my siblings are gossiping about me.  It sucked having to hear it from my mother because I suspect that she joined in on the Julie-bashing party too.  However, I don't really care.  It's what families do sometimes and I am not going to dispute that I'm an easy target.  I put my life out here like this and that leaves me open to the scrutiny of others.  I have been told that my brother, who I love and adore, now thinks I am a bad influence and that "I'm just a little crazy."  

Thanks.  You may be right, I may be crazy.

I've been told that all I do is complain about my life and don't take any advice.  Well, I stopped asking for advice a long time ago.  If you don't want to hear my complaining, please don't read my blog anymore.  This is my space to vent and think.  A lot (read: MOST) of what I write on my other blog is fiction.  Yes, fiction.  It says so right there "some is true, some is made up." Guess what?  I'm a good writer.  A DAMN good writer, and if you thought it was all true- well, I'm glad that I am believable- and maybe someday I can make lots of money writing books that people jerk off to.  A bucks' a buck right?

I don't hurt anyone- I am perfectly content hurting myself.  I do not judge my family for their choices.  I don't.  I may not understand everything about them, but you know- I don't have to live their lives, and they don't have to live mine.  Lets all just stay to our neutral corners and maybe we can stop the smack talk.  I don't deserve it.  I don't owe you any money, ok, well, Johnny I think I will ALWAYS owe YOU money. 

If you don't like the way I live my life- I suggest that you don't live it.

Personally I'm not always a big fan of it either.

Great song

All I needed was the love you gave
All I needed for another day
And all I ever knew
Only you

Who or what does this remind you of?  Comment.  Please.  

(That means YOU)

Less hot than a cartoon of myself

My Manga character (wearing green contacts) is hotter than I am. Damn.












It figures.

Thanks to The Punk Guy for the link. It's here.

Happy Half Nekkid Thursday

I know there is a Theme this week, but I didn't have time to do it- so Go USA and I'm still pissed at China for not letting the less pretty girl sing at the Opening Ceremonies.

I thought this picture turned out pretty cool. E-husband happened to be in the doorway but he only has half a face.

Don't you love my towel turban??

Happy HNT everyone.

I need a deadline, people.

I don't post here as often as I should. My real life is so insanely boring sometimes and that even the few sparks of interest are sort of drowned out int the monotony.
I got accepted into Grad School. yah me. It's not as if I was worried about NOT getting accepted- the program is not compacted or anything. The entire world is not interested in going into Health Care Administration. Truth be told, I'm not exactly sure that I am dying to spend my life dedicated to health care management either, but it's what I do now- and knowing me, I will probably do for a decade at least. At least.

My enrollment adviser at Walden and I have been talking for almost a year now. I contacted him before my last semester at Long Beach and we have been friends ever since. I even considered going into the MBA program instead, but the adviser for that program was not half as much fun to talk to. I was pleased to go back and work with Evan. He's professional and funny- and truth be told, he's insanely cute. So yesterday he called me to tell me that I had been accepted into the program for my MHA. It's much more exciting to get a call or a letter in the mail rather than an email. Emails can really be kind of anti-climactic. You can't jump up and down, holding your laptop and running around showing the email to people. I mean, you can- but that's lame- and I try not to show my laptop screen to too many people- I just never knew when an IM window will pop up with "What's up, you dirty slut?"

A phone call or a letter in your hand is a cool way to receive good news. In the movies you see people at the mailbox, jumping up and down, family members surrounding them and hugging. Of course I did not jump up and down or anything- but if I wanted to- I could have cause Evan called me. He understands that I wanted the call- and NOT the email. He and I have been working together for almost a year now, we're friends now. We talk about family (me) and travel (him) and school and work. It's been fun and I'm sure I will remain friends with him. 8 days after school starts, he is no longer my adviser and then I am free to flirt shamelessly. Or he is free to flirt back, I guess. very nice.

So I'm a grad student now. How amazing is that? My life is going to run in 8 week increments for the next 2.76 years. $50K more in student loans, making a GRAND total of $90K (and change) that I will have borrowed to supplement my income over 8 total years of college. Grad school is the first time that any of the money I have borrowed will actually go towards tuition. I've have received grants and scholarships that have paid for every dime of my tuition up until now. If I was a two income family, I would never have needed the loans- but you know- the kids gotta eat.

So besides the insane price tag of my education, which really just means that in exchange for me borrowing money to feed everyone, I get an education too- I'm really glad to get back into it. My brain is jello, which is how it always is at the end of summer. I'm slow and bored and dying to study something. I need due dates and homework and index cards.

Somebody teach me something before I slip into a coma.
please.

food fetish

Ok you all know my love for the dildo right? I have lots of them. Tons really. More than any two people really need, and yet every month I get like 10 more. I do not do reviews with Eden Fantasies yet- I'm in the process, but I have not finished the preliminary steps. I only have one vag, how many things can I put in it right?

But anyway- I digress. I started twittering Eden Fantasies cause I love the gal who does the Twitter for it (won't link her here but if you know, you know) and today there was a twit about this.



Yeah- it's a vibrator. A vibrator that is shaped like corn on the cob. What the...? I mean, I'm all for fun with phallic items, but you know- well I can only think of one word.
Cornhole. And I'm not talking about the game with the bean bags. Or maybe I am.
Jesus

So on the corn vibe screen, there were links to other similar toys. Like this one.




Ok, If I'm going to go so far as to get nailed by a cucumber again, well- I wouldn't pick one this thin.

Did I say again?


And then there's this one.




Ummmm.... no.
No No No

So wrong on so many levels. What's with the happy face?

I know that many people would rather not have your kids find a big penis under your pillow so toys that are shaped like cock are best left in the stores, but really... if you are going to screw food- go to Trader Joe's. Go seriously phthalate free, and you know, have a snack later.

Ok- that's gross.
Don't do that.

I'd rather not have the option of putting my vag toys in a ceramic bowl as a centerpiece for when company come over.

Ok- well- maybe that would be awesome.


I'd rather not have the stuff that goes in my vag to go in my mouth too.
Wait... no.
Damn.

forget it.

screw your food.

A few pics from the wedding

The Happy Couple
Rick and Deanna
Aug 15, 2008

"It's Your Love"- Tim McGraw and Faith Hill
side note: When Rick was in Iraq and Deanna and I were hanging out one night at Karaoke and she told me that this was her song for Rick.


Come on, Rick. SUCK IT UP!!!
Stop crying you GIRL!

The Cake
The R on the top was covered in swarovski crystals. Beautiful.

Me and Cheryl, getting ready to dance.

Me and Alex. He's so handsome, and he's getting so tall!!

At the very end of the night, Alex finally danced with his mom. His first slow dance.

If you ask me, I could write a book...

My brother got married last night. If I had some pictures to post, I would- but I did not take pictures yesterday. I drank instead.

The ceremony was quite lovely. I did a reading in the ceremony, which I've never done for anyone before. It was a bit nerve wracking having to speak, but I just focused on looking at the bride and groom and pretended that there was not a room of people watching me.

Deanna looked beautiful and Rick looked very handsome. He cried twice during the ceremony, and twice at the reception. I was about to yell out, "Suck it up, PUSSY!" but it just didn't seem appropriate, and I was real drunk.

His phone rang during the exchanging of the vows. It was hilarious. It also rang during the exchanging of the rings. That was classic. A big plant by the altar was knocked over during the ceremony also. It didn't matter- it was lighthearted and romantic.

The slideshow I did for the bride and groom went off nearly perfect. While I could not hook my laptop to the DJ's sound system- he HAD the songs- so he played them and his timing was just a mere seconds off of the slide show, so it still worked out just fine and I don't think that anyone even knew but me.

Did I mention that I looked fantastic? Yeah, I did. I figured out how to do my hair the way I wish it was all the time. I straightened it, and then curled up the bottoms- so it looked sort of full and wavy.

My mom said I looked like a gypsy. sigh.

The thing that I really like about Rick is that he never stops being who he is. He's been retired from the Marines for just a few months now. During the reception, he got up and said a few words- introducing my grandfather, who is a WWII veteran, and also paying respects to the people who were there who had served in any branch of the armed forces and who he had served with. He also again mentioned friends and soldiers who have lost their lives. Then they played a song, I don't know if it was the Marine Corp Hymn or just another military song, but SEVERAL people in the room stood up- signifying that they were now, or once WERE in the military. It was very very cool.

That's Rick. He's just like that.

Congrats Rick and Deanna. I fuckin love you guys.

stolen moments

I found this picture on Mike's camera. The kids had climbed into bed with me, and were watching TV, apparently I fell back asleep.

(It was 9AM- his camera is still on NY time.)

Now if this isn't just the cutest thing? ... and should restore your faith that I am not completely void of emotion.

Another movie I wanna see

See more at DaneCook.com

Best line, anywhere ever.

"It's not gonna suck itself!"

Summer Sun- HNT

This past weekend I was out at the pool every day for at least three hours. The kids really enjoy it and I am able to just lay out in the sun.

I KNOW I don't need a tan. I feel kind of foolish laying out and soaking up the rays, but it feels good on my skin. I can close my eyes, listen to my music and feel my skin. Even though I can hear the kids playing and splashing, I can feel a quiet coming over me and I can relax. It's as if the sting of the sun just drains me of stress.

I'm not very outdoorsy, and I don't usually love being out in the heat. However, I have found that as soon as I wake up on the weekends, I can't wait to get out there so I can really relax.



Happy Half Nekkid Thursday!!

the stuff that makes me laugh

Ok I guess maybe I'm a little behind cause this video is a few years old, but it still made me smile.  Hey, Os- you think you can groove with your horn like this??  The chicks would be eating out of your hands....  I mean, the ones that are not doing so already.  ;)

Not to mention that I love this song.

Holllywoooooooooood.....

Happy Happy Birthday!!

Today is Ed's 40th birthday. One one of my very very bestest friends and the keeper of all my secrets!!!



Happy birthday babe.

Look Mom, no floaties!!!

Here's Gabe, swimmin in the deep end!!