5:30 PM

I'm actually at the office right now. I think this is perhaps the 3rd time I've ever been at the office on the weekend. I left early yesterday and left a ton of things undone. I'm meeting some friends at 6 anyway for a Pleasure Party. Sex toys and such... I had lunch with a friend before I came here. I like being here alone. I feel strangely safe. It's quiet. And I can just do my thing uninterrupted. It's nice. No kids pulling at my legs or sales people asking me if we are really out of stirrer straws. Stirrer straws, seriously!?! Dude, use a spoon!
But anyway, I am feeling more and more anxious about the events coming up this week. I have decided to do it on Tuesday, give notice. 30 days. I will stay til January 6th. A little past time time I wanted, but it's fine. Financially it's fine, I will have vacation time paid out to me to cover the weird pay period thing. It's funny that now that I'm leaving, I am more nostalgic about this place than ever. Maybe it's all the changes coming up so fast. They are keeping me up at night. I woke up this morning at my normal week day wake up time. The clock reads 5:28AM, but it's actually 5:13AM. I woke up without an alarm. But I felt compelled to actually get up and come to work. Of course, I didn't- but I did get out of bed a few minutes later and just started my day. I feel like there is something I am forgetting. Something I need to DO. But I don't know what that is. I think I'm just in fear about all the changes, and perhaps looking for ways out of them. All these changes and the only one who is questioning whether or not they are good for me, is me. It must be fear of the unknown- because all the other scenarios do not make sense. Change is good. I just have to keep saying that.
Things ate home were ok today. Quiet enough. No fighting. He had a migraine. I got him some coffee and some Excedrin. He almost seemed offended by my attempts to help him. That bugged me. I know that we are splitting up, but are there no more common courtesies?? A cup of coffee and something for your aching head is hardly a gesture of love, but just a human gesture. Migraines suck. He looked at me weird when I handed him the pills. I told him to just take them, stop being like that. I walked away. Take them, don't take them- what ever. It's just excedrin, it's not bail money- jeez!!

Well, I'm off to my party. It will be nice to meet new people. Interesting, while 2 of my co-workers will be there, it will be mainly people I don't know. And I haven't even taken the time to be anxiety ridden over it. Hmmm, I must be growing.