Wives of alcoholics...

Peter S. of Newport Beach gave me my first copy of the Big Book of AA. He told me to read the first chapter, and then the chapter To The Wives. I can't remember now if I was going to Al-Anon or not. I had probably already been to at least my first meeting, but I don't know if I had yet crawled back. But I had never read the Big Book before. In the Big Book I read: As wives of Alcoholics Anonymous, we would like you to feel that we understand as perhaps few can. We want to analyze mistakes we have made. We want to leave you with the feeling that no situation is too difficult and no unhappiness too great to be overcome. I was immediately skeptical because surely my situation was different. I read on...

Our loyalty and the desire that our husbands hold up their heads and be like other men have begotten all sorts of predicaments. We have been unselfish and self-sacrificing. We have told innumerable lies to protect our pride and our husbands' reputations. We have prayed, we have begged, we have been patient. We have struck out viciously. We have run away. We have been hysterical. We have been terror stricken. We have sought sympathy. We have had retaliatory love affairs with other men.
Our homes have been battle-grounds many an evening. In the morning we have kissed and made up. Our friends have counseled chucking the men and we have done so with finality, only to be back in a little while hoping, always hoping. Our men have sworn great solemn oaths that they were through drinking forever. We have believed them when no one else could or would. Then, in days, weeks, or months, a fresh outburst.
We seldom had friends at our homes, never knowing how or when the men of the house would appear. We could make few social engagements. We came to live almost alone. When we were invited out, our husbands sneaked so many drinks that they spoiled the occasion. If, on the other hand, they took nothing, their self-pity made them killjoys.
There was never financial security. Positions were always in jeopardy or gone. An armored car could not have brought the pay envelopes home. The checking account melted like snow in June.
Sometimes there were other women. How heartbreaking was this discovery; how cruel to be told they understood our men as we did not!

This was my life. For many many years. I have to remember where I've been to appreciate where I am. I have to remember that my life has been affected, deeply affected by the disease of alcoholism, and for that I will never be the same. However, with that- I have been introduced to a program of recovery called Al-Anon. It's a program of suggestion, there are no hard fast rules. There is no wrong way, only a sincere effort to change your life is required. This has made all the difference to me. I did not get to Al-Anon by one event. It did not take just one path to get me here. Not one drunken night, not one empty bottle, not one hysterical breakdown. There were many. And I can work my program many different ways. I have a sincere desire to change my thinking, and Al-anon offers me the tools to do it. For that I have to remain grateful.