I make the rules

I got up this morning before the beasties did and I went out into the dark living room and turned on my Christmas Tree lights.

Yep, I said it.

I still have my tree up.

The decorations are off, just the lights are left. It's a fake tree. It doesn't pose a fire hazard or anything. It's taking up a 4 foot square that would otherwise be filled with toys. It's not hurting anyone. I don't know how long I'm going to leave it up.

I spoke to my friend about it, and he said, "ummmm- the word ghetto comes to mind." Obviously he has never been to my apartment, because well, nobody would notice ghetto there. It fits right it. I was looking at my tree this morning and the way it illuminates the dark room, and I like it. It makes me smile.

Last year, I didn't put the tree up at all. E-husband and I were headed towards a break up, that didn't happen at the time- of course. I think I was feeling like the life was being sucked out of me. I think I felt that way for a LONG time. Why is it that the bad stuff lingers forEVER, but we are only allowed to keep the good stuff around for two weeks and then it's gone??

I had a good Christmas this year. The boys and I had fun. It was a Christmas that made up for all the shitty ones I had. So why can't I leave my tree up? You know, I'm the only adult who lives in my house.

Even if I don't do it well:
I do all the cooking, all the cleaning, I pay all the bills. I make all the household decisions- on my own. So if I want to have something pretty to look at when I crawl my sorry ass out of bed at 5AM, well, then I can do that. I can put hearts on it for Valentines Day, hang eggs for Easter. I can celebrate Arbor Day- and it can just be a "tree".

Maybe I will take it down when I get the urge to do so. But right now, I just have the urge to keep it up. Enjoy it. It's pretty. I don't have to feed it or clean up after it. It won't die. It doesn't make any noise, it doesn't cost me anything, other than the cost of the electricity to run the lights for a few hours. It brings me good feelings. It doesn't talk back. It puts some life and good cheer into my otherwise poorly lit, sad ghetto apartment.

So I plan to leave it up for as long as I want to. You know why? Cause I fucking CAN!!!!! I let the e-husband stay in the house a lot longer than I should have, and I had to FEED him.