Sex Work Awareness

I didn't want to post nothing, Trixie!!

But here's something. I'm leaving for NY tonight. I'm excited and I'm mostly packed. I gotta get some last minute things together and I'm headed for the airport. I'm stayin in Williamsburg with friends for the 2nd annual New York Sex Blogger Calendar Launch Party where my friends will be. A lot of kinky, sex-positive, deviants will converge in NYC to raise money for Sex Work Awareness.

For those of you who are wondering about SWA: look at the link. It's not exactly prostitution as we see it on TV. I think sex work has it's place in society, and it's unfortunate that there is so much negative stigma and violence that surrounds it.

November 1- already?

I'm going to try to post something daily. It's good for me to write. The past 8 weeks I've been sucked into the worst finance class ever. It was good to know that EVERYONE was frustrated and did poorly in this class, I'm not just stupid.

My birthday is coming up. I'm going to be 38. Holy fuck. It's strange, getting older. The reminders are harsh and usually shameful. I'm reminded when I find myself noticing boys that are too young for me. I'm reminded when TV shows like 90210 are ridiculous to me. I'm reminded when I pick up Womans Day magazine and not Self.

I'm not afraid of getting older. i'm excited about moving forward.

I'm headed to NYC for the New York City Sex Bloggers Calendar Launch Party. It'll be great to see my friends, and see the city. I hope the weather holds up.

Ok- I'm going to try to post more, but first, I'm going to try to have something to write about!! I won't ramble nonsense. I hate that.

Stuff I'd like to see/ do on this trip.

Brooklyn Bridge

Empire State Building

Staten Island Ferry/ Statue of Liberty

James Farley Post Office

Really, that's not much.

Where's your happy place??

Last night one of the things I thought (::Grey's Anatomy::) about when Izzy was having her fantazy talks with her tumor (her dead ex) was that her quiet place, her happy place- whatever that PLACE is... was a beach.

I don't think my happy place is on a beach.  

I'm not a beach person.

Of course I'm not a mountain person either.

Or a forest person.

Certainly not a DESERT person.

Well crap... what kind of person am I?  I know that my happy place can't just be sitting on my couch with big pillows watching reruns of Dawson's Creek.  

could it?

So where's my happy place?  Where do I feel complete?  Where do I feel calm and quiet, and peaceful and happy.  

Hmmm... you're right if you thought "New York"  You know me well.  But it's specific.

There was an Italian restaurant we ate at, the second night.  It was in the Village and we sat on the street.  The lights reflecting off the street.  The buzz of the city.  The clicking of silverware and the clinking of glasses.  Watching the people walking by.  Never feeling alone.

It's as close as I can get to a happy place... and it suits me fine.

My other thought is that I think I need to refer to my ex husband(s) as "my tumors."

pictures of nothing, that mean everything

Midtown, Kinda Rainy. I have been here twice, so I can say I don't love being in Midtown, but I do like pictures of it with the lights and the Neon. It kinda reminds me of Vegas, without the legal prostitution.



West Side, this tree was across the street from my room. I thought the color was pretty but I should have taken the pic from outside. You know, we don't really get the colors leaves here in Cali. Falling asleep to the sounds of the city made this trip very memorable.


Lower East Side. 2nd Street and ummmm... anyone?


Another picture of the LES. For as dingy as it is, it's kinda the place to be.



Not a clue what church this is. It's by Rockefeller center and we turned a corner and were stunned by this building.


I really like the trio in the bottom left of this picture looking at the ceiling.

HNT, Manhattan will wait for me

I have time. New York City is not going anywhere, and I will be back. Maybe not anytime soon- but it won't be long. New York represents something for me- a place and a life that isn't mine, but could have been, or maybe should have been.

(clickity)

But you know that when the truth is told..
That you can get what you want or you get old
You're gonna kick off before you even
Get halfway through
When will you realize, Vienna waits for you?
-Billy Joel

Someday, New York, someday.

Why I went to NYC

So for those of you who don't know- the main reason I went to NYC was for this.

Yes it was my birthday weekend, and yes it was a girls weekend. LOTS AND LOTS of girls weekend. I met some of the finest and sexiest bloggers in New York or anywhere else, I'm sure. My girl Lilly came down from PA and hung out for one night also and we had a blast!

Now you know how weird I get in social situations. How I worry about doing something stupid, or falling, or spilling my red drink on someone wearing all white. Of course this was weird for me- but you know, these are my people.

For those of you in the know, I am known as someone else in other circles. And that someone else is way braver and cooler and hotter than the Julie you know and love. Insane, but true. So I was there, looking fantastic in my new dress, rubbing elbows and anything else I could rub against.

It was a blast and it was great to meet the people I chat with so often.  I laughed because most people knew my hair, and my blog name, but by first name- there were some blank faces.  Once the blog is identified.... then the sparks of recognition, and hugs and groping ensued.  Ah the groping.

1,2...6 drinks into the night and I was happily rubbing up against my favorite writers, few of the sexiest bitches and butches a bi-girl like me could ever hope to score.  And yeah, there was some scoring to be had.  But I won't go in to that.  

The after party simply cannot be spoken of here- cause this is just not that kinda place.  um.. no.

For as much as the party was the best time I'd had since, well, my last trip to NYC, brunch on Saturday was amazing.  10 of us, unmade and natural, laughing and giggling and eating- and kissing.  There was lotsa kissing.  First it was amongst the others, but not to be left out I said, "hey- I came all the way from California!  Doesn't anyone want to make out with ME?"  

So yes, making out with me happened too.  Ahhh- women are really soft- but the sexy butches I did my best to make an *ahem* good impression on were not at brunch, cause to make out with them woulda been.... ahhhh, worth the explaining AND the bi-curious gender confusion.

I'm still putting my pictures together- but here's a fave of mine.  Me and Tess at brunch, this was after we made out.  See how happy I look?

More pictures from the city.

My girl Lilly came and spent 28 hours with me in the city. We had a blast together and it makes me so sad to know that I don't get to hang out with her every weekend. Funny how you meet people and you feel like you've known them forever cause you click and connect so easily.

speaking of clicking, click HERE for her pictures.

Miss you Lillygirl.

take me back

I am back on my meds. Lexapro, 10 mg daily. It's not a huge dose but it's enough to quiet the crazy in me. Unfortunately I having been off of it for a month, it takes a week or so to settle back into my system so it tends to make me hyper for about 4 hours after I take it. Jumpy and ironically, anxious- and then at night I sort of crash. This lasts a week or so, but right now it's kind of a bitch.

4 weeks ago today I was in New York. I can't get that out of my system. I can still feel the energy in the air and the hear the sounds of the street. The click click of the girls in high heels and the stale smell of cigarette smoke and Italian food from the pizza place on almost every corner.

I can still hear the subway cars coming and the feel the wind pushing through the platform. I can still taste that damn Magnolia Cupcake. Fuck that was good.

HNT

The Vacation Pictures you didn't see....





Happy "I've never felt so good" Half Nekkid Thursday!

Love you all.

Independence

I've starting a savings account. $50 a paycheck and whatever money I make from the affiliate accounts which is usually anywhere from $40 to $100 a month. What am I going to do with this money?

Travel. Maybe not to anyplace spectacular, but you know- I am going back to New York. I'm told the spring is good. I can do it, and maybe even a little cheaper. I loved eating in nice restaurants for every meal, but really- I don't need to do that. I admit, I did like the Marriot.

I will go alone if I have to. I won't be alone for long. I have friends there now. Rock on. I'm going to Vegas in the fall. I'm going to, one of these days, spend the night in San Diego. I've lived here all my life and I've never been to San Diego, other than to get to Sea World.

Michael doesn't like it, but you know- he will learn to deal with it. I simply deserve a little bit of freedom. Alex is old enough to take places with a friend and let loose. I have realized that if I don't force myself to take a break from the bed I've made- I will have more regret than I can stomach.

I admit that my choices are mine- and they don't make sense to a lot of people. They don't have to. I very much describe my relationship as a marriage of convenience to everyone but me. However along with the choices I am making for the benefit of others, it wouldn't not kill me to make some choices for myself. So maybe taking an hour, and eventually a day for myself every week is not feasible. However, taking a few days, once or twice a year... well, that is not only do-able, but perhaps a necessity.

I have been paying for him to smoke a pack a day for the past 9 years combined. (minus about a year total that he has lived elsewhere). At $4 a pack, because we buy in bulk, or the really cheap tobacco- that is close to $1500 a year.

$100 a month is nothing in comparison and it won't give me cancer. Besides, it's my money- right?

Here's to independence. It comes in all forms.

Pictures from the trip.

Here's the slide show from my NY pictures. I tried to put them in order and such, but there are some that are just thrown in and random. I am not in that many pictures, but you know, I was there....



I spoke too soon, by the way. I really am struggling a bit with being back at home. This is the same reason I don't go to Day Spa's and such. It's just not my life and then I just spend time wishing it was.... sigh.

9 trips to Hoboken

This is what we decided we would call this trip if we were going to write a book about it. The Path Train went to Hoboken every time we got on it. The only time we did NOT go to Hoboken and we finally got the shit down was the day we left. I am not an expert on the NJ/NY Path Train- but Kim is. Without Kim I would have ended up in Harlem.

or Hoboken.

The Avenues run East to West and get higher as you go North. The Streets run north to south and they get either higher or lower as you go East... or West. Some shit like that. I couldn't figure it out. Kim always knew where we were. Don't travel hard, travel smart. Bring someone with a sense of direction- and that person is not me. I end up in Hoboken!!

Hoboken became the slang for when things were fucked up. If the coffee was too hot, it was all Hoboken. If plans went awry, it was cause Hoboken. When we were lost at 4:30 in the morning, well- we were in Hoboken.



Where are you?
Hoboken.

Next time I should just STAY there because that is where the train goes, no matter what.

We spent most of our time in Downtown Manhattan. It is less touristy- lots of cool pubs and places to walk around. The best fucking italian food ever. We had italian food every night. I smoked in NY- but I barely went through a back and a half in 5 days. Cigarettes are close to, if not more than $10 there and The Athiest pointed out that it was officially cheaper to get high than it was to smoke cigarettes. Whats with all the moms walking their babies around at 1:30 in the morning? Don't you have a bouncy seat?

We hung out at a few really cool bars and met 1/2 of two really cool guys. Meaning one guy was seriously cool and the other guy was chock full of douchebaggery. Some guys just can't take "No, Thank You" for an answer. Too bad. Cranberry and Vodka and Pinot for Kim. I can't spell the other part of that wine, but you know if you drink wine then you know.

Hey lady? You know! Ask Kim the joke- I can't tell a joke.

More later.

There's no coffee in this hotel!

I came in around 12:15AM. The flight didn't seem too bad with the mix of Xanax, Vodka, and Kim who held my hand most of the time. I slept and reflected on this amazing trip.

At home, everyone was asleep (nice of the husband to wait up for me huh?) and the house was the same disarray that I left it in. What ever happened to that thing where when mom leaves town the house looks BETTER than how she left it? I sat up for a little while and then crashed into bed.

This morning, there was no coffee in the house. Fuckity fuck fuck fuck.....

Starbucks, Venti Vanilla Latte. mmmmmm ahhhhh.

I am having a rough time moving about today. I'm exhausted. But I'm home now. Life resumes. I will put together some more pictures soon. I'm still adjusting to the lack of alcohol in my blood stream- and trying to decide if it was all just a dream.



Strawberry Fields in Central Park


The entrance to Penn Station


At 4AM we all picked a pillar to crash on in the train station.

a few pics

I can't even begin to tell you how much I love this fucking city. It's too amazing for words. I haven't done all the things on my list, it's just not possible. But we have hung out with New Yorkers, we have hung out in awesome bars, eaten great food, drank and partied a lot and went to the Yankees game.

This has been the best trip of my life, but I miss the Beasties.











more later...

Arrived in New York....

7AM. Coffee is brewing and I keep eyeballing my clock that says 4:20 and wondering why the fuck I'm up, but I crashed at midnight, so you know, perhaps I am easier to acclimate.

The train station next door to our hotel. Literally. It cost .65 to ride it, we bought a 10 trip pass.

Our very first adventure really was, that after we bought the tickets, a rush of people came through the turnstiles towards us and then out the door- surely that was not the way we were supposed to go. That was the way OUT and we were going IN. So we kinda stood for a moment, staring at the sign that said TO THE PATH that everyone was exiting, feeling really stupid like :um ok now where do we go?

Eventually it cleared and we realized that the turnstile went both ways. Ok- so read the signs, they ARE correct.

Through the turnstile and down down down. Waiting for the train, it was just like in the movies. Just people standing, reading, waiting. One girl was passed out drunk on the floor with her girlfriends cracking up and taking pictures up her skirt. I admit, it was pretty fucking hilarious.

I wonder how fast they go, it kinda felt like Big Thunder Mountain at Disneyland, except we were standing. Our train ride was not far, and we exited on Christopher St. We walked around The Village, not really sure where the fuck we were going. But we walked and watched and talked. It was close to 10PM at this time. There were people everywhere. I mean EVERYWHERE. Where are all these people going at 11PM on a Thursday? It was a whole city of people who DIDN'T have to get up at 5AM and it was so alive. There was an energy I could not explain, even in the small circle we walked for about an hour.

Everything was right there on the sidewalk. There's no parking lots anywhere, and we were walking right next to people eating their dinners. Doorways to apartment buildings were right there. I guess that's why there's so many people, in these cities. Half of the area is not parking lots.

I didn't take any pictures last night, but so far the place is not lacking for Italian Food or flowers.

Around 11:30 we both admitted that we were just fucking beat. I know, huh? But we didn't have a map, we weren't sure where we were or where to go- so it was just wandering. Everyone on the street had placed to go. Everyone walked with conviction. We were strolling. It was fantastic though, just to feel that energy. It was kinda surreal.

Today we are going to go into the city again and pick up a three day tour bus thing. Uptown Downtown, brooklyn, a harbor cruise thing. And a nighttime tour with will be cool so see it all lit up like that.

more later, with pictures. Promise.

En route...

I am flying. The plane will land in about 2 hours. I’m listening to Snow Globe which is a song from my friends’ band. We are over Iowa or something like that and there is turbulence. Kim has assured me that it’s just air.

It’s BITCHY AIR, I told her. Twatty air.

I don’t like it but Kim is right here to hold my hand and I just reach over and grab it. The Xanax and Vodka has worn down a bit and overall the fight has not been too bad. Just a few 40 second sessions of bitchy air, and then it’s fine. I even got up once to pee. Yah me.

We are having fun though. Every time Kim gets up to go to the bathroom, which has been two times now I do the totally heteroflexible thing by not getting up so she has to lap dance over me. It’s cool.

If I had cash on me and not in my purse I’d tuck bills between her boobs. She’d dig that and would gladly take my money for letting me oogle her goods.

We are destined to have a blast.

The check in at LAX was really not so bad at all. A few lines and such but everything moved pretty quick. There was very little waiting around and I didn’t have too much time to freak out. I got a cup of water before we took off and I had my Xanax and it had kicked in before we departed, so that helped a lot.

I’ve always been a bad flyer. I admit that one the reasons I don’t travel is because I hate to fly. When I was younger my uncle offered to fly me Holland and I declined because I would have to fly for 19 hours. Yeah, no. But Kim is thoughtful and she lets me grab her hand and she sort of rubs my arm in that sort of mom-ish way. She seems to be getting me through this experience as she flies a lot- we were joking in the airport that she needs a leash for me so I don’t get lost (cause I’m a runner)

When we land, she is going to do some laundry cause she didn’t have time before she left and I am going to relax a bit, and then we will go into the city for food and a drink.

I’m so excited I can hardly sit still. Knowing me I will find time to post while I’m there, cause I’m a blogger geek like that. I can’t help it.

I don't have the shopping gene,

I went shopping today for fathers day and NY stuff. I got my father in law the Rocky Series. Six Rocky DVD's for $20. Score.

I got my step dad this fathers day t-shirt and matching hat that says "Keepin it Reel" and there's a fish on it. He likes to fish and he likes showing off that he's a grandpa. He has one from a few years ago that says "Grandpa Rocks" and a rocking chair. He loves it. I didn't get anything for my husband, but the kids made him things at school- and I think that's ok. He's at his parents with his daughter and not doing very well there either, but I think he'll be ok soon enough. I am glad to be free of it for a few days and it's somewhat alarming how much better I feel when he's gone, it's just a lifted weight. I think I even LOOK better when I'm away from him.

Also bought myself a few skirts for my trip but it turns out that I'm not as big as I thought I was so I get to return them for a smaller size- hey my day is looking up!! I figure I need SOMETHING kinda cute for the evenings and going out to eat. I can't do shorts all weekend right? Of course I have nothing totally cute- cause I just don't DO cute or feminine. I have some slutty low cut tops for the bars at night- and my awesome jeans. A few dress pants. I just don't DO fashionable. My body is not shaped like the dresses in the store. It doesn't work on me. Perhaps my charm will be enough.

Really, I don't care all that much. I mean- I bought some new makeup and I will not wear scrubs around Manhattan. I just can't promise too much more than that.

Ok, maybe I used the word charm too loosely.

Really important facts about me (that I should not forget)

Thirteen days till NYC. I am more excited every day.

It occurred to me this morning, something I should not have forgotten. My friend and I will be seeing much of Manhattan via a double decker tour bus, since we have limited days and mucho plans. This seems pretty logical really except for one thing.

I get motion sickness.
Like back seat of a car motion sickness.
So you know, top of a double decker bus is going to be an issue.


Yes. Dramamine. Bonine. Whatever "Julie Don't Throw Up" medication that I can find. I wonder how that mixes with booze?

Step 1- accept it.

I am powerless and my life has become unmanageable.

(I can hear the athiest sighing from a thousand miles away)

But it's true. I am sooo absent minded lately.

I lost my drivers license. I can SEE it, sitting somewhere- waiting for me to find it. It's waiting for me- and I can't find it. Ahk. I'm getting in a plane in two weeks, going out of town. With no drivers license?? Shit. So I called the airport and my expired license, and a temporary license with picture (they do that now) will be fine. Hopefully it will be just as fine at the bars!! Of course, really, if anyone things I'm not 21- I will blow them right there on the spot.

I lost the Student Loan Exit interview envelope. I signed the papers, I put it in the envelope. I even addressed it, and then I lost it. The contents of that envelope will hold up my final grades and ultimately my diploma. Lovely.

I lost the notice I received from the IRS. CP2000. A propsed change. From 2006. Here's what I did. I left Celtic on Jan 5th. So I had one more paycheck from them. My final paycheck. So what happened? Did I forget to include it when I did my 2006 taxes? No, not really. I entered all of the info on to my Turbo Tax forms, everything except the actual wages. Yeah, smooth move huh?? So of course when Celtic reported that they PAID me actual wages, well as it turns out my refund (specifically the child tax credits) should have been a tad (read: $1100) less than what they paid me. So you know, $1100 plus you know, fees for that little loan... and I owe closer to $1200. So I can make payments, and cause I'm basically poor (only cause I have so many fucking kids and one income) I can make very low payments- so it's ok. But yeah. I lost THAT paperwork.

Seriously folks, what is my fucking deal?

Regardless, I made the call about my License. I called the school and they are resending a form and she said that grades won't be ready for three more weeks anyway. And I called the IRS. Man, they really are a lifeless group huh?? I was hoping it was a stereotype and I'd get a really kicky Jamaican guy on the phone who laughed at my predicament and said, "Gurrrl- yo gooda geet yo ahct togetha!!" (ok so maybe in my head he sounded like Sebastian from The Little Mermaid). But no- he was very "Thank you Miss Furraireeee. Is there unything I can doo to help you todaaaay?" I mean- tie me down and make me watch paint dry!!!

But they are also sending me the form and I've got some time- so that's good too.

Regardless, I gooda geet my ahct togetha!! Cause you know, I'm goin to NY in two weeks. Two weeks baby from tonight- I will be IN New York. awwww yeah!!!!

A life like Diamonds.

I don't care much for words of doom
If it's love you need then I've got the room
It's a simple thing that came to me
when I found you.
~Neil Diamond

I love this song. I have the American Idol version on my ipod cause I want to have David Cook's babies (don't tell him I can't HAVE babies anymore, my evil plan is to fuck him stupid and he won't care about the lie I've told.) Listen to it here.

I digress.

Anyway- MOST songs remind me of something, or someone. Sometimes just one line in song of 60 lines will remind me of something or someone and even the opening music will make me think of that person.

This song doesn't do that. Neil Diamond tends to make me thing of Trever, but you know- not anymore. This song is a blank slate. It makes me think of ME. Makes me want to get in my car, well maybe not MY car- but in a car. A light blue convertible and drive faster than the safe speed by the ocean, or the mountains. Or up north where there's ocean on one side of the road and mountains on the other.

---

Eleanor Rigby has some great lines in it.

To me, the thought of Rome- a city adorned with genitalia instead of vinyl siding and stucco- seemed improbable. I had to see this place.
(I think this is how I am thinking about New York, in theory)

Do I expect a bunch of naked people all over the place? No. I would not be so lucky. What I DO expect is life. Excitement. Movement. A life that is unlike my own and I hope to soak it in. I hope to fall in love with New York, the energy of it. I hope to be so sad when I leave, that I come back with an intense desire to live a life that is less like mine, and more like..

life.