Let it begin with me

and proof that Al-Anon did more than save me from an alcoholic marriage.


I don't usually do things like this. While I have been known to flash my panties now and again, I don't usually air the laundry, but I'm going to- sort of, edited down and paraphrased.

To Me: Why are you mad at me? Please talk to me. It's been weeks. I thought we were close?

To Her: I am hurt that you did not attend my graduation. I understand that you couldn't, but it hurt my feelings and I feel that you should have called me and not sent me an email about it.

To Me: Oh YEAH? Well you are a shitty person. You are never there for me. Life is not all about you. You are selfish and self centered. What do you want from me?

There was more to it that this, but it was uglier and meaner than I could ever have imagined. It's not worth it to go into more detail. There it is. I had hurt feelings before. In time I would have gotten over it, but she asked. She wanted to know- even know I know she knew. Apparently what she wanted was enough ammo to unload everything that is bothering her about me.
It sucks when you just don't like the ones that you love. And my answer? Nothing. I didn't want anything from you- you emailed ME remember?

I don't like confrontations. I really don't. I prefer to just let it go. If it is a person with whom I am going to always have to deal with, it's easier to just let it go- and maybe tread a little wiser in the future. It does not make me feel better to say, "Hey that was fucked up!" or "How dare you!" It doesn't make me feel better to put someone in their place. I prefer to just accept that we all have reasons for the decisions we make and the choices we make. I don't have to LIKE what you do- but I just can't take away your right to do it, or take away your rights to feel whatever it is you want to feel, whether or not I agree. I would never claim anyone doesn't have the right to feel a certain way.

In return, nobody has the right to tell me not to feel a certain way. I don't push my negative feelings at people. I am NEVER one to say, "HEY! I am really MAD at you for doing that. How dare you do something I don't like or disapprove of!" Anyone who knows me- knows that I do not confront (and I am only passive aggressive if I am now, or have ever been married to you.)

I learned it in Al-Anon. Live and Let Live, but you know- that goes both ways. Feelings are not facts- but they are real enough. I do not begrudge you yours- and I refuse to let you begrudge me mine. Refuse.

LIVE AND LET LIVE

This is a reminder that most of us need--often. Our only concern should be our own conduct, our own improvement, our own lives. We are entitled to our own view of things, and we have no right to inflict it on anyone else.

Amen sister. Af'enmen.