Girl, don't go away mad...

I think I have become good at keeping people at a distance, maybe without even trying. I met someone, sort of, recently, and while I was interested, sort of, without an actual date- I'm sort of convinced that he's hiding something and that I don't want anything to do with what he's got going on, nor do I want to involve him in what I've got going on. I don't know that I have the energy to invite anyone else into my 'scenario'.

While talking with someone else that I'm not involved with, but would, sort of, like to be, she asked me (yes, I said SHE) if my husband and I were working things out. I gave her an honest answer, which was "Not really. I agreed to not divorce him right away to keep him on my insurance and while we get along and spend time together, we are not exactly trying to work things out. Anything is possible in the future, but not really- no."

Not exactly the best answer to convince someone that maybe you are interested in some "girl on girl" action. But even still, it's the truth. I have NO INTEREST in lying about my situation because keeping the lies in order is complicated enough without having to make up MORE.

This is just who I am. I spoke at length with the e-husband tonight about this very thing, including the girl. That I don't know that I want to 'date' (male OR female) - but I'm lonely. There IS no such thing as no strings attached sex (as much as I think that would be gggggrrrrreeeaaaattttt) and I should know better than to even think it.

So I am wanting companionship, but not wanting to date because it takes more energy than I have available to me.

So where does it leave me? Right in the middle of nowheresville. I guess all of my best efforts have brought me right here in my life. In limbo. It feels like I'm always in limbo.

Is there ever a point where you realize that you have arrived at where you wanted to be? Or will I always be in transition from one place to another?? And how did I end up with a quasi- crush on a butchy lesbian??