The first time I cried in a Sex Ed class....

This is the exercise we did in class tonight. I will tailor it for reading....

Fold a peice of paper in 4's. and number each square, 1,2,3 and 4.

Do this slowly and thoughtfully....

In square 1:
Write down 4 names of the people who are the most important to you in the world. The top 4 you can't live with out. Only 4.
Now look at the names, think about why you chose them. Think about what they mean to you. What you mean to them. The last conversation you had with them, the last time you hugged them. Do they know that they are the four most important people in your life?

ok

In square 2:
Write down the 4 most important roles you play. Wife, Husband, Mother, brother, sister, friend, doctor, teacher. whatever. Only 4.
Look at those roles, think about the people who are connected to those roles. Your husband, your wife, kids. Do they know how crucial they are to the role that means so much to you.

with me?

In square 3:
Write down 4 goals. Goals for yourself, not goals for others or others goals for you.
Look at the goals. How much of your time is spent working towards them? Why, or why not?

In square 4:
Write down 4 fun activities. 4 things that you LOVE to do. Sleep, sex, skiing, sailing, whatever.
How much time do you spend doing THOSE things? Enough? Too much? How is the balance?

ok. Now look at your 4 lists of 16 items. Recognize that these are the things that make up your life. It's a really important list. The things that matter the most.

now.....

From each list, choose a line that you are willing to give up right now. One person, one role, one goal, and one activity.
(I realize that 'willing' is a loose term, but just continue.)

Ok. So now you are down to three lines in each box. Look at the list now. This list is even MORE important. You gave up someone, to keep the other three. Look at square one. Do they know that they are the three most important people in your life? Look at the list for a moment... take it in.

Now do it again. From each list, choose a line that you are willing to give up right now. One person, one role, one goal, and one activity.

Now look, at the list. How much effort is being given to the two things left on each list. Is there enough time focused, enough fun. Look at the people in square one again. When was the last time you talked to them. Were you angry? What did you say? Do they that they are the two most important people in your life? Did you know it before you had to choose it??

Ok- so by this point we are all feeling guilty. Don't worry, you don't ever have to share your answers. Now there are two lines left on each list. They are in no specific order, but #1 is the top most person, role, goal or activity left on your list and #2 is the bottom most person, role, goal or activity left on your list. Everything is pretty much of equal importance within the list now right?

So here comes fate....

Cross off
#1 from square 1
#2 from square 2
#2 from square 3
and #1 from square 4

It's easier when we don't have to choose isn't it?
You could never have chosen one of the remaining two. Lets hope we never even have to choose from the list of four.

What do we know about the last 4 things on that paper? At some point, it could be all you have. Have you paid enough attention? What if all you had left is the role of wife, but fate came and took your husband??

From what square was the hardest to give up?
and from what square do what we most take for granted.

People. The people we love the most, are the ones we generally take for granted.
If fate took them tomorrow, or today- would you feel alright with the way things were left? If you're life was over- right now, would you look back on the goals you had, and the roles you played and the life you lived, and the people you loved the most- and be ok with how you left it?


(in the end we wrote them all down again, and 'got it all back'...) It seemed kinda silly, but it did make it feel better. Thank god we don't have to choose. But what if fate chooses for us? Then what?