I never believed in Santa. Not once, not for a day. Ever. Not because I'm smarter than anyone, but because my mom was a Jehovah's Witness. We were part of that group growing up. Now it's just mom, but it was all of us for a while. I don't remember when we started celebrating Christmas- my mom left that church when I was 5 or 6 I guess (but went back when I was 15). Maybe sooner, don't remember. Don't get ito the weirdness of that. I don't care.
However, I never believed but I wasn't supposed to tell my unsuspecting friends. Let them 'live the dream'. My mom was pretty good about giving us a few extra gifts that were from 'Santa'- which was kind of a tongue-in-cheek joke. But our non-believing asses didn't get shorted any gifts, at least not until I was 15 and it all stopped, but that is another Oprah.
I was in Target the last week and talking on the phone, complaining about something Holiday related and I said, "Well I can't wait until a few years from now when I can tell these kids that there is no Santa." I said this while approaching the checkout stand.
The guy at the counter looked up at me.
The lady in front of me looked back at me.
I froze.
We all looked around to see if anyone else had heard me.
I was in TARGET, people. You don't exclaim that there is NO SANTA, two weeks before Christmas in a store where there are children. That is worse than saying "Bomb" in the airport.
Nobody heard me, and I sighed. The lady in front of me laughed a little- and the guy at the checkout counter frowned at me. He FROWNED at me. I thought, Oh my God, I am going to be taken out back and shot.
You know, Gabe doesn't like Santa. Screamed holy hell when he came into the room at his Christmas program. We had to LEAVE. Now if he doesn't like Santa, does that mean that Santa doesn't have to bring him gifts??? Cause that'd be a cost saver.
However, if my kids believing in Santa will get them to behave out of fear for getting a 'box of rocks' for Christmas, (Gabe doesn't know what coal is) I'll use it!!!
Santa ought to give me a spanking!!! But you know, that a whole different kind of Bad Santa.
2 comments:
Grow up!!! Quit putting your so called terrible childhood on your kids and be a mother. Being a mother is a privelidge!!! For you to be that insentative is not right.
Quit blaming everyone around you for your choices!!! And they are YOUR CHOICES!!!!
I for one will not be reading your blog anymore, (I found you through a friend of a friend) at first you were funny, now your just bitter and are constantly blaming others for your life choices.
Wow. That anonymous guy can fuck right off. I didn't read any blaming your parents for nothing in that post.
Um...anyway, use the Santa Maneuver (the one whoere you can get your kids to behave indiscriminantly) for as long as humanly possible, even if you never believed in Santa. Invoke Santa's name in odd months like May. Put up a calendar on his bedroom wall with your kid's name and the words "Naughty" & "Nice" on it. Quietly check off the appropriate box without any pomp & circumstance. When he notices and asks what that's for, just tell him it is for Santa who bases his gifts on the entire year.
Santa is the only resource parents have anymore. Use Santa!
Oh yeah, thanks for listening to our podcast. I try to personally thank everyone for listening. Most likely because there's only about 4 listeners worldwide.
Post a Comment