The men in my life

I have three sons. My three sons. The Band of Brothers. The monsters. The Beastie boys- is my new name for them. I will not have anymore, thank you Dr. Humphrey and the magic of tubaligation. Each of them sort of mark a stage in my life. None of them were planned, but none were exactly 'accidents' either.

Alex came first and he's going to be 12 at the end of the month. His name came from my uncle. Oom Bram. (Bruhm) It's a Dutch thing. I don't know why they called him Bram- it's like a nick name. I don't know why- but he was almost Oom Bram, and my dad was Oom Kees (Case) and my mom was Tante Beebs (Babes). Again, I don't know why they didn't use thier real names. My aunts never had these nicknames... But anyway, my Oom Bram, his real name was Alex. Never ever EVER did we ever refer to him as Alex, but it was something we knew. He was my dad's brother, and we used to see him once a year or so when we were young. He was a big part of my childhood, but I haven't seen him in many years now. I think my sister still talks to him via email, but I have no idea why I don't. I loved him a lot as a little girl- he treated me special, I liked to think I was his favorite, but really I don't know if I was or not. Probably not. My eldest brother, Gunny (not his real name) is everyones favorite. Also, the ex husband and I agreed because on that because we never met an "Alex" we didn't like. All the Alex's we'd known were pretty cool. Of course later I did meet an "Alex" who was a girl and I refer to her now as the "the cunt"- but you know, her middle name was Alexandria- so I don't count her. ugh- different story. Ask me later about the way I told off the twat who was trying to steal my husband. (excerpt: "Listen sweetie, I have not decidated 5 years of my life to this man, to lose him to woman like you!!")

moving on....

Gabriel showed up, post sober, in 1992. I know that cause I was looking at ornaments that said Baby's First Christmas- 1992, other wise I might not have remembered. I remember one thing about his birth. It was HOT. It was the hottest day of the year, September 1. And it was hot outside, and the AC in the Operating Room busted, so it was pumping out heat instead of cold. The doctors would not go into the room until I was prepped and ready to go. I was in and out of that room in 45 minutes. People did NOT want to work under those conditions, but I was a C section, and in labor. We named him Gabriel, after the angel. That's it. The angel Gabriel who came down and told Mary that she would be the mother of Jesus. My husband wanted the name, it would be his first son- and I was not going to argue, because really, he was less than thrilled at the prospeect of me being pregnant in the first place. I was shocked, a little frightened, the timing was bad, he was newly sober- like a month. That's what you get for going to Laughlin to escape the 4 walls of your apartment over Christmas when your husband is fresh outta rehab. Knocked up. Ka-CHOW!!! It was good sex though, sober sex. I hadn't been on the pill in a year and never got pregnant and we were having sex several times a week. The first weekend we do it sober- knocked....up..... (wasn't that a Paula Abdul song?)

Daniel shocked us all, just 15 months later. Gabe was 8 months old when I found out I was pregnant again. Holy SHIT!! That is what I said. Holy SHIT. I thought I was going crazy, because my hormones were out of whack, I was struggling to keep up my milk supply and I was exhausted!! The home pregnancy test came out positive and I about had a heart attack. Twice- we had sex TWICE. I was still nursing. I had not yet started my period post delivery (except two days of spotting 8 weeks after) of my last kid. As far as I knew, I wasn't even OVULATING yet!!!! That nursing as birth control is bullshit!! I was certain it'd be a girl. I figured after two boys, and this pregnancy was going to throw SUCH a wrench into my life, it had to be a girl. The bain of my existence, a daughter- holy fuck, help us all!! We decided to name her Grace. Thinking that perhaps a sweet name, and maybe if we only whispered to her. Surrounded her with pastels and soft lighting. Fuzzy animals and classical music, she might not be what my mother always wished upon me, for me to get back what I gave her.

Turned out it was a boy. We rattled names back and forth in our heads, and in the end I named him after George Clooney. Well, not exactly George Clooney, but Daniel Ocean. Oceans 11. I was laying in bed and hearing Julia Roberts voice saying, "I'm not laughing Danny." and I woke up and asked e-husband what that was from. He reminded me, Oceans 11. And I said, "Danny? What about Danny? Daniel." and there you go. My youngest son was named after George Clooney/ Danny Ocean. I was tempted to make his middle name Ocean. But e-husband said no. I still call him Danny Ocean. He's just like him. Always looking for angles. Casing the joint. Weaseling his way out of trouble. Stealing (usually cookies). Maybe he's not the sexiest man alive, at least not to YOU, Jaws, but I like to think of him as my "baby daddy" cause I am certain he was there when Danny was concieved, of not only in my thoughts.