The money tack

I can't believe that Christmas is next week. I'm so NOT focused on Christmas. I'm just trying to get the rent paid. That is thursday. My landlord gave me two extra weeks, you'd think that would have helped. With my paycheck and what is in the bank, I will have it. Of course January's rent is due two weeks later, but I will worry about that later.

Financial aid funding comes in mid January, so in a month I will be a lot more relaxed financially. I'm just a little stressed out right now. Knowing that my financial aid is gauranteed and around the corner helps cause if I have to borrow it, at least I know I will be able to pay it back. I remember the years when I used to borrow money- not having any idea when I'd be able to pay it back. I do my best not to borrow money anymore, but sometimes you just have to.

My hope is that someday I will not live paycheck to paycheck. It's a like a constant tack under your shoe. You can hear it clicking when you walk and you are always wondering when it's going to poke through and hurt, making you unable to move. I try hard not to worry too much about it because I know that I won't starve and neither will my kids. I just do my best and sometimes I just have oatmeal for dinner and I know I'm not the only person who has had to do that on more than one occasion.

I remember growing up, my mom used to help my brother with his paper route. It wasn't like one of the ones that you do on a bike. I remember the big piles of newspapers that they would put together and bag up- then load in the car and drive around throwing them. Sometimes I would help, and it was kind of a fun thing we used to do together. It wasn't until some 5 years ago that I learned that it was my mom's route and she did it to make money to put food on the table. She worked at a restaurant and her manager found out about her second job, and he allowed her to bring lots of food home from the restaurant for us so she could quit that job. I'm sure that was hard for her to do, my mother is a proud woman, but I also remember the silver round tins with the thin cardboard lids. We ate whatever she would bring home in those tins, whatever was on the buffet that day, and then make a pot of rice that we would eat as a side dish or some vegetables. I remember going to work with her a lot. Sitting in the back room, playing cards and drinking soda. Reading books.

My mom made a decent life for us, she did the best she could. My step dad worked, but I suspect it didn't go as far as she needed it to, with 4 kids. When she went back to school later, I was 14 or so. You could almost feel the sense of relief in her when money became less of a problem. She had earned it and I know that nobody could take that away from her. I know that she hopes that for me. It's what I look forward to. I don't plan to be rolling in money any time in my lifetime, but it would be nice to be able to pull that tack from my shoe and buy some new ones.